Instilling a love of Yiddishkeit in our children

Momma

I would recommend you go to Torahanytime.com and find shiurim on the subject. There are a few from Rabbi Rietti who is a master mechaneich and a tremendous talmid chacham and great speaker.

http://torahanytime.com/Rabbi/Jonathan_Rietti/

You can search the words Chinuch, children, child… there should be some great shiurim popping up from the likes of Rabbi Wallerstein, Rabbi Donny Frank and other chashuv Rabbanim and mechanchim. You can’t go wrong with anything from those 3 names.

I agree, when we show love and joy with our Jewish practice, it pours over to them. Plus, both parents should remember to spend enough quality time with kids, talk, listen, and have a good time.

Paysach Krohn tells a story of a nursery class having a Shabbos Party. The child playing the Tatty stands up to make Kiddush. He wipes his brow and says “oi hob ich gehat a shvere voch” (Oh have I had a hard week) Is this how we greet the Malochim? Is this how we instil the beaty of Shabbos?

So, what can we do for our own children to try to give them a more authentic connection?…

Simple Simon says, do as I say, not as I do!!!…

Right, so it isn’t going to be enough to “show” love and joy for judaism. We will need to genuinely “have” love and joy for judaism.

Teach your children to recognize their maalos through you pointing it out to them. When children are aware of their individual kishronos they will naturally become more motivated. When they do mitzvos like davening/learning/keeping Shabbos make sure to point out their accomplishments to them so they will naturally learn to appreciate the mitzvos which they do, thereby increasing their motivation to do more mitzvos.

I disagree with the view that as long as all is rosy in the child’s home he/she will love yiddishkeit. Jews operate in a kehilla, there are many strong influences on a child. We are all responsible– mechanchim, community rabbaim, parents, leadership of organizations etc….Also, there is no one global answer for this question, different children have different needs… that being said, being treated respectfully and with love by peers & teachers goes a long way, aside from the necessity of the parent/child bond. Kids are the 1st to pick up on what is going wrong within, our hypocrisies, pettiness and jealousies etc…

Role modeling is the best teaching mechanism. If YOU show a love of yiddishkeit, your children will learn it. If you find it difficult what do you expect.

Furthermore, if you take a look at the school system, only in pre-school do you see that ahavah and fun being displayed. As soon as you hit the regular classes it is all serious again. There is less and less arts and crafts, music, singing, etc. and more, work, work, work. There is less of a mitzvos aseh and more chumras and lo tasseh. In pre-school it is all about what we do. In first grade and up they teach about what we don’t do.

Goq

I am sorry you went through a childhood like that.

Goq, that’s terrible. There is no excuse for that. Even if a father has mixed emotions or does not have a strong bond towards a child they should never show it and they should work on it every single day. It is a parent who chooses to bring children into this world and not the other way around. The parent has the obligation to make a child feel loved and wanted. That must be the worst aveirah ever.

The Goq, Much of what I wanted to say was already said, but I still want to let you know that what you went through was tragic. It is amazing that you are not shattered. That you moved on and grew from this experience. That you remained a g-d fearing jew when your key role model didn’t provide that positive image. I was shocked to read what happened to you, since all your posts are always filled with so much brilliance, knowledge, encouragement, and strength. Wow, the goq, I respect you.

Not going to go into specifics because I don’t want the mods to censor my post…. so here goes:

When my kids were teenagers, life was very rough in our house due to illness in the family. One kid was left to his own devices too many times because of the illness. He started hanging with the wrong crowd and I was scared for him. He was not in HS yet, but I decided mid year to send him to a Yeshiva out of town so that he could be surrounded be the Torah way in a safer environment than he was getting at home. When he was with me, whatever crazy music or styles he was interested in, I met him halfway. I showed him that, in my opinion, he could listen to M&M and other rappers and still be a Torah Jew. I learned the lyrics with him. I wanted him to see that we could incorporate his likes into our lives as long as they did not interfere with our Torah life. I made it well known that I trusted him to make the right decisions and I expected him to be the best Ben Torah he could be no matter what was going on at home. He never went off the derech. (at least not in my opinion.) He is now in his 3rd year in Yeshiva post HS in Israel. Maybe it worked out so nicely because I lean more towards the MO way of life and had more lenient expectations. I would NEVER allow texting on Shabbos, but if he wanted to wear jeans during the week, he could. He has chosen NOT to, in case you are wondering.

Since I had real, solid role models, the particular Rebbi didn’t make much of a difference.

When I’m trying to stop a child from doing a Melacha on Shabbos, in stead of saying, yaw notta ladda, I say, Shabbos with a tone of awe. The child understands that obviously it is something not to be done, but he also gets the message that it is because of the specialty of Shabbos and not the restrictiveness thereof. Whenever discussing Shabbos, and what it is about, we mention the Seuda, nosh for kids, and not that it is a time when we aren’t allowed to do things.

Mommamia: Try talking to the kids about Hashem as though He is a member of your family, for ex, when they say a bracha well, try ” Hashem heard your bracha and He is so happy that you are thankful for your food…..” Try to bring Hashem into as much of what the kids do, in other words, facilitate the relationship and dialogue between themselves and Hashem. On Shabbos, it might be helpful to talk about your own pleasure in the day; share with them in a real way, as you might to a good friend, about what is particularly wonderful to you about Shabbos. Just suggesting.