In honor of Yom Kippur; By Popa

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  • #599829
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    In honor of Yom Kippur, let’s make fun of people who don’t keep the mitzvos. In this way we will emulate R’ Akiva ?’ ????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?????

    I will start.

    You know the women’s minyanim who want to lein, but they want to pretend they care about halacha, so they don’t say birchas hatorah in the morning so they can say it when they are “called up”.

    So I decided I want to bring korbanos. But there is no beis hamikdash, and I’m not a kohen. So what I do, is that I make shevuos and nedarim, and basically create for myself all the halachos. Like I’ll take a sheep every day, and swear I must bring it with all the halachos of a tamid. I leave out the ones I can’t do, like I say I am allowed to be tamei. On shabbos, I have my goyish neighbor do it for me, since I can’t shecht.

    Anyway, my problem is that this morning during pesukei d’zimrah, I was making my korban todah like I always do, and I forgot that we don’t bring a todah today.

    But I already made it. And I said it would be piggul if I don’t eat it before the end of the zman. And it is too much to eat, and I make it so only I can eat it because I know other people think it’s a joke.

    So can I eat it on yom kippur?

    (This is me doing teshuva before yom kippur for the serious thread I made on tisha b’av.)

    #974687
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    Since your neder is that is basically “all the halachos of a toda chutz m’makom, tuma, v’zar” that includes letting everyone else eat. Fire up the grill.

    #974688
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    But I build all sorts of things in. Like I don’t want to be caught in a machlokes, so I say that I have to do it one way of the machlokes specifically.

    #974689

    Popa,

    on yom kippur we have a din of malachim which is why we say boruch shem loud. If a malach pretends to eat, as the malachim who visited Avraham Avinu did, it probably doesn’t have a din of achila. Better eat it up today.

    btw, why didn’t you reveal this custom of yours on the Chicago thread? It would have been much easier for them to look out for a guy who shechts a todah during pesukei d’zimra than to look for someone hanging out at Starbucks.

    #974690
    yitayningwut
    Participant

    Roftl. You people are nuts.

    #974691
    squeak
    Participant

    You were masneh al mah shekasuv batorah. You know the rest.

    Have a good fast 😉

    #974692
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    You were masneh al mah shekasuv batorah. You know the rest.

    I didn’t make a tnai kaful, so that doesn’t count.

    #974693
    squeak
    Participant

    Oy, then all your past nedarim and shevuos were not mikkayim the todah. You better start making proper tanayyim going forward.

    #974694
    Sam2
    Participant

    Where is that story is there anything that would be Battul because of Masneh Al Ma Shekasuv Batorah.

    #974695
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Oy, then all your past nedarim and shevuos were not mikkayim the todah.

    I said at the end, with tnai kaful, and tnai kodem l’maaseh, and just like bnai gad and reuvan, that if anything I said would make it not work, then that part of what I said shouldn’t count- as long as it wouldn’t result in me being oiver on any issurim. So it does work.

    My goy “kohen” is getting real excited. He loves yom kippur. (on yontiff, I do it myself and I eat from each one. He only does the olah’s.)

    #974696
    yungerman1
    Participant

    PBA- is this in honor of (Yom Haki..)..Purim?

    #974697
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    PBA- is this in honor of (Yom Haki..)..Purim?

    It’s also because I’m machmir to not say anything in vidui that I didn’t do. And I’m mesupak if I was yotzei ???? yet this year.

    #974698
    Sam2
    Participant

    PBA: You were Yotzei before this. Although if that was really your intention then this would be an Aveirah Lishmah and not count.

    #974699
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    PBA: You were Yotzei before this. Although if that was really your intention then this would be an Aveirah Lishmah and not count.

    I thought I might have been, but I was mesupak. I’m very machmir, you know.

    Also, I didn’t follow the aveira lishma thread, so I don’t know what you’re talking about.

    #974700
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Why can’t you just have the Goy be Makdish it as a real Korban, and then be Makriv it for your Kappara?

    #974701
    squeak
    Participant

    I’m machmir to not say anything in vidui that I didn’t do

    Does that go for the al chaits too? I’m having this picture in my head of you running around to rabbonim being mezalzel them for the sake of your chumra.

    #974702
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I’m having this picture in my head of you running around to rabbonim being mezalzel them for the sake of your chumra.

    Not to worry. I can do that right here in the CR.

    #974703
    squeak
    Participant

    You know thats not the only.al chait…..

    #974704
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    You know thats not the only.al chait…..

    Ok, I give up. So tell me how you do it.

    #974705
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    How do you manage to do “b’timhon levav” if you’re always doing everything on purpose?

    What about neshech v’tarbis. It must be hard to get all the hiddurim in for someone who knows the halachos as well as you do.

    #974706
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    How do you manage to do “b’timhon levav” if you’re always doing everything on purpose?

    This thread.

    What about neshech v’tarbis.

    I bite people.

    #974707
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    And translate tarbis as rabies?

    #974708
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Maybe if you bite where you already bit, that can’t be called Neshech, so that it Tarbis.

    #974709
    squeak
    Participant

    The only one I have trouble with is b’phlillus

    😉

    #974710
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    So I just read this thread again. This may be the funniest thread I have started in the CR.

    #974711
    Toi
    Participant

    Except i dont think you can make piggul al tnay. Its the actual machshava that passuls, so even if you want a tnay, you still had the machshava. look in pesavchim samech gimmel aumd aleph in tosofos and in shu’t achiezer chelek beis siman 34 (?)

    #974712
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    There is no piggul on a bama anyway, see Rambam Hilchos maasei hakorbanos (perek alef I think, wherever he talks about bamos. I don’t chazer enough. So sue me.)

    #974713
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Of course it can’t be piggul-it isn’t even hekdesh. I just make a neder that it will be assur with dinei piggul if I don’t eat it within the zman that it would have if it was the korban I am trying to bring.

    Please don’t make fun; this is serious business, and it gives me spiritual inspiration.

    I also plan on doing it even when there is a beis hamikdash, because I am not a kohen, and I will still want to experience that spirituality. The point of the nedarim and shevuos is just so that I don’t break any actual halacha, and so that it has real halachic implications (I don’t want to just be doing a joke).

    #974714
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    I think we pasken that ???? ???? ????? ?? ????? ?? ??? ???? which would mean that your bama is makdish, there is just no din of piggul and your funky nedarim are masneh al mah shekasuv b’torah.

    #974715
    Toi
    Participant

    we paskin lo mihanee. by korban pesach that you shecht al hachometz- R’ Akiva eiger on the rambam and the shaar hameleh deal with the issue. A”S.

    #974716
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    1. This is not a serious thread.

    2. I don’t believe you are correct. If I never make it hekdesh at all, and only say btoras neder that it should have the same issurim as hekdesh, and say b’toras shvua that I should have the same obligations as hekdesh–I do not think it would be hekdesh, and I would not even be allowed to be makriv it in the azara since it is chullin.

    #974717
    Toi
    Participant

    pba- fine.

    #974718
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    1- Tough

    2- Why should it be worse than nazir where if a person says “i will not cut my hair or drink wine but i am not a nazir and can become tamei” he is a nazir? (Rambam hilchos nezirus perek beis)

    #974719
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    The power of a Neder is only to Assur you from Hana’a if you are Oiver on the T’nay. So, just don’t bring your Korban when you are not allowed to, and then Yir’eh Ad Sheyisto’av.

    If you made a Shevua that you’ll be mock-Makriv it then Ein Shvua Chal Ashvua.

    I just don’t understand how you get spiritual inspriration from being Mekayem your Nedarim and Shvuoas. After all, Tov Asher Lo Tidor. But if a Goy does it, he can bring a real Korban.

    My only Shaala is if a Goy being Makriv a Korban in Chutz La’aretz for the Kappara of a Yid, does it help? What if it is a Mum that is Kosher for them and not for us? What if it is a bird other than Tor or Bnei Yona?

    #974720
    Toi
    Participant

    Halevi- a goy, when bringing a korbanm on behalf of a yid, is not considered the mayvee of the korban, which means either its for him or he gives it to the yid.

    itch- please quote which perek and halachah.

    #974721
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    2- Why should it be worse than nazir where if a person says “i will not cut my hair or drink wine but i am not a nazir and can become tamei” he is a nazir? (Rambam hilchos nezirus perek beis)

    I assume you are referring to halachos 3 and 4. Those are same case, and are talking about someone who sees a nazir and says he will have the same status as the nazir.

    I don’t see why you think that means that if someone says “I am not going to be a nazir, but I will have the same issurim as a nazir has, b’neder; and I am also making a shevua that I will not cut my hair; and I am also making a shevua to sacrifice the animals a nazir has to sacrifice- but in my backyard…” that he is a nazir. I don’t see that the mishna is suggesting any sort of merger doctrine like that; I see a presumption that the guy is trying to become a nazir, like he said.

    #974722
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    The only really problem you might have is that a Shechita that appears to belong to a sacrifice is Assur. That’s why we don’t Shecht on a roof or a hole.

    #974723
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    Toi: Sorry, I don’t look things up before I post especially when the thread isn’t serious anyway.

    Popa: I was talking about halacha 9:

    ????? ????? ???? ?? ??????? ????, ?? ?? ?????? ????, ?? ????? ???? ?? ??????, ?? ????? ???? ?? ?????? ????–??? ?? ???? ????, ??? ?????? ?????? ????: ?? ?? ?? ??? ??? ????? ?????, ??? ???? ?? ????, ????? ???? ???? ???? ???? ?? ?????, ??? ?? ???? ????. [?] ??? ????? ????? ???? ?? ????????, ?? ?? ??????, ?????? ???–??? ?? ???? ???, ????? ????

    (pasted from mechon mamre. The breaks between halachos are according to the kisvei yad, not the standard vilna edition so you might have a hard time finding it.)

    #974724
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    That is a good problem. Lemme think about that.

    #974725
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Itche: That is because he wanted to be assur from grapes m’din nazir. If he would have just said “Grapes are assur to me b’toras neder, in the same way that nezirim cannot eat them” he would not be a nazir.

    #974726
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Not only can you make such a Neder but it is actually the prime Neder, since you are Tofes Bidavar Hanadur.

    #974727
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Haleivi: Assuming you are responding to my last post- you are correct, it would be a neder. But it would not be nezirus.

    #974728
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    I wasn’t responding to it, I was adding to it. Every Neder has to be based on a Davar Hanadur. If you only say it is Assur to you we assume you meant, like a Korban, and it is Chal. In your example we don’t have to assume anything. It is the original and perfect Neder.

    #974729
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Real vnahafoch hu! Jesting before yom kippur and now serious halachic debate before purim! But its a great thread.

    I especially loved ItcheSrulik’s “There is no piggul on a bama anyway… I dont chazer enough”… ☺

    #974730
    Toi
    Participant

    Itch- big mistake. the gemara in nazir there is mifurash that the pshat why this is a kabalas nizerus is from a gzeiras hakasuv. a’s.

    #974731
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    popa: No he isn’t. The word nazir means “I am warned off” as we see later in the same halacha where the guy “nazirs” himself from dried figs. If he said “hareini nazir lchartzanim bilvad” you would have a point. (Not my own diyyuk. Comes from a rov who learns in MTJ).

    HaLeivi: We don’t shecht on a roof (with exceptions) because things that look like idolatrous sacrifices become assur. This isn’t idolatrous, though it probably is sacrilegious 😛

    #974732
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I’m not sure what you are responding to anymore, but of this I am sure. The gemara is talking about a case where it wanted to be assur b’toras nezirus, and that is why he becomes a nazir. There is no other way to become a nazir except to want to accept issurim b’toras nazir.

    Besides, we are talking about hekdesh here, not nezirus. When someone is matfis b’hekdesh, it doesn’t become hekdesh- it is a regular neder.

    #974733
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    popa: daf please? I never learned nazir, I only have this from Rambam. I was responding to your statement that “If he would have just said “Grapes are assur to me b’toras neder, in the same way that nezirim cannot eat them” he would not be a nazir. “

    shticky guy: I didn’t even notice that. 🙂

    #974734
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    He’s talking about the Mishna on 3b.

    What looks more like a sacrifice than a sacrifice? And ir sure looks like it is for Avoda Zara, especially since he is expressly saying that he is not being Makriv it to Hashem. To whom or for what are you doing Zrika, Hanafa and Haktara?

    It can be Baal Tashchis too, in the case of the Ola look-alike. In the Shlamim you wouldn’t be eating those parts, anyhow.

    #974735
    Toi
    Participant

    The Gemara gimmel amud beiz is mifurash that you can make a kabalas nizeerus by using the lashon of nazir from one of the minim which are assur to a nazir.

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