I'm very stressed

I certainly feel your pain.

Take a deep breath. Ain Od Milvado. I know it seems very hard now, but we are living in a time when people need to batul themselves. Trust me. I have gone from a XXX,XXX dollar a year job to being disabled, in constant pain and living hand to mouth (asking for help from in-laws, etc.). It;s all from G-d and you need to understand that it’s not the nisayon that matters but how we deal with it. This is NOT easy. It is nearly impossible. Just try and remind yourself that you are not in control. Hashem is and He knows best.

Talk to the yeshivah and say that you need help. Talk to those you borrowed from and ask for an extension or to make realistic payments over a longer period. Ask a local girls yeshivah if they have a chessed program. They usually do and will send a few students over to help with the housework and your wife. Just do your Hishtadlus and Hashem will take care of the rest.

Lastly, you need sleep. You are no good to anyone, especially Hashem and yourself if you are about to break. Leave the chores until tomorrow and get a good night’s sleep.

Thank G-d every day for your children. Many cannot have them. thank G-d every day for your wife. Many can’t find shidduchim or have R”L lost their spouses. Thanks G-d every day that you have a home, are alive, live in a free country and are a Yid.

Hug your kids and tell them why they are special and that you love them unconditionally. Tell them that sometimes tings get stressful but that you don’t mean to take it out on them and that it’s nothing they’re doing.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Borrow money for the therapy. Pay a lot of money and get a GOOD therapist. I was in the same situation as you & therapy SAVED ME. I now have a beautiful & happy family thanks 100% to the therapy.

Just do it. You wont regret it.

I dont know your situation, however since you are asking for advice, I will give you whatever I have.

I would recommend that you take a short break, even for just two days.

In these two days, do not think about anything, just relax learn and read.

Once the short Rest comes to its end, sit down and write up a plan.

Of course this means that you have to calculate all of your expenses.

Again, I am no professional, just a plain person giving plain advice.

Wow, do I feel for you. Pressure can break even the most optimistic person.

Still, if you can reach out, you can get help, so all is not lost.

My take? Here it is:

Help around the house – This is priority # 1. Whatever you can do to help things run smooth, will pay you back 10 fold.

Tuition – You can most likely get a payment plan so you can stay afloat.

Therapist – This, I think is something you can live without. You give the impression of someone with a real game plan, but with a landslide to deal with. There are so many self-help books out there (both on-line and in print) that you can probably work this out on your own.

Therapists will hold your hand, but (from my experience) never let you go.

You can beat this on your own.

a brocha for a yeshua bkorov. Just try to have a zman kavau for learning bchavrusa for even a minimum time. It will give you chizuk and is insurance for just feeling human.

Sorry to hear about the financial difficulties and worries! I recommend reading the sefer Garden of Riches by Rav Shalom Arush. He has helped a lot of people with their financial problems with his teachings. All of his books are inexpensive, easy and fast to read, and (to me at least) very helpful.

OP sounds rough. Be strong, whatever goes up can go down, and whatever goes down goes up. Don’t try to compare your situation to others it never helps. You have your own trials to deal with (sorry health I don’t mean to be insulting).

But sometimes the best way is to sit down and come up with a plan on how to fix things. Think about what you CAN do and if something seems impossible… leave it alone… and after you’ve done what you can… the rest is in Hashem’s hands…

Damoshe, imagine if I told you that in 5 years from now, all your loans would be paid off and that this year, you would have enough money to be able to pay a lower tuition that the school would allow?

Would you then still feel so stressed? Probably not as much, (although there are also other pressures like too much to do in too little time).

Obviously, I can’t tell you the above, only Hashem could, but isn’t that what BITACHON IS? to TRUST IN HIM! to feel SECURE that all will be okay and work out!

I am not preaching. I am trying to explain to you what I believe

is part of the challenge in life. It is HARD to have Bitachon. It is a daily test to not think about and not worry about tom. but do our hishtadlus and let Hashem take care of it.

You are not the only one with this problem. There are lots of Jewish head of households worrying about how they will be able to pay their tuition, their rent, for food…

You have a lot on your shoulders ALONG WITH THE STRESS OF MONEY, and it too much to bear. But, you could do it along with others who are struggling just like you.

While we live paycheck to paycheck, and I do not have loans to pay off, I also do not own a home… In addition, for personal reasons, 95% of household responsibilities, cleaning, schoolwork, cooking.. as well as working full time, falls on my shoulders.

I also have a boss that just adds to the pressure which makes me nervous that I will lose my job. I also get no support from parents or sibilings just more pressure and “things that I must do for them”.

I also have to get up at around 5 am and do not get to sleep until very late. I hardly have time to take care of myself and just recently had to try to squeeze in time to go to the doctor because of an emergency medical condition that developed inside me. It got worse because I could not get off work right away (otherwise I am in danger of losing my job) and had to push off going to the doctor.

The only way I can get through life and try not to be stressed is to work on my Bitachon. I try to not think about my future like How will I be able to pay my bills? How will I be able to continue like this? What if I get sick and have to take off from work, I could lose my job as they are very strict!? etc.

It is not easy to do, but I believe this is the only way. I do not believe that any therapist can take away your stress unless they go through exercises that try to train you to not worry but to rely and trust that Hashem will take care of the rest (after you do hishtadlus).

Again, I am not lecturing you or giving you mussar; I am just sharing with you what I believe is the only way to deal with the stresses of life. I believe that everyone has challenges that stress them, although most people do not divulge what is really going on in their lives.

Please let me know what you think.

DaMoshe,

If you’re still a CR reader, I would like to hear how things have worked out for you. Four years later, are you doing better? Have things worked out?

DaMoshe: May you continue to always have no stress and only sweet good and may that extend to your family and loved ones always and please say Amen. 🙂

Yays B”H.

Hows everyone else doing? Health, scienceprogram?