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Gavra: The yeshivishe olem also doesn’t allow social contact between unrelated unmarried boys and girls.
Lior – Of course. I meant the system that produces the shidduchim in those olam wouldn’t work for the Yeshivish, not that the Yeshivish should start hanging out with girls Chas V’Shalom.
“Perhaps not, and I am totally, flat-out mistaken.”
As a general rule, you are not mistaken. Of course some “lounges” are better than others. Forget the atmosphere, the waitress who comes to serve your drink is problem number 1. The way she is typically dressed would make the average bachur blush.then there are the other patrons as you pointed out.
The way she is typically dressed would make the average bachur blush.then there are the other patrons as you pointed out.”
APY, I actually had forgotten about the scantily-clad waitresses. How is THAT ok for them to be around that type of scene?
APY, I actually had forgotten about the scantily-clad waitresses. How is THAT ok for them to be around that type of scene?
We’re talking about a hotel lounge, not a building on rockaway turnpike that was bought by chabad next to a carpet store.
The waitresses in your average hotel lounge are dressed no worse than in your average kosher restaurant, and certainly no worse than your average woman walking down the street in NY. Is it worse than in the beis medrash at BMG? Yes. But the only solution would be to not go outside at all.
The waitresses in your average hotel lounge are dressed no worse than in your average kosher restaurant
There were some restaurants I wouldn’t go back to because of that. I hope they aren’t typical. Being in close quarters is worse than being in the street, IMO.
GAW – yes, perhaps partly.
But you said one shouldn’t pass up a good shidduch due to money, and implied that this was a new phenomena. I was just pointing out thsat for better or worse, money was always a big factor in shidduchim.
When my grandparents were dating- there was no ‘Shidduch crisis’ because the boy would actually ASK the girl out, and actually SPEAK to her, instead of someone saying ok, “You’ll be good for her, and you’ll be good for him.” Without truly knowing because nobody knows better what you want than you do! You’re parents want the person who they ‘think’ is best for you, but when they’re looking for that person, they might be looking for qualities or a personality type that you’re not! & a Shadchan is not a fairy with a magical solution- if you’re not getting any dates, any phonecalls, get out on the FRUM social scene & meet somebody! There is nothing wrong talking to a girl, and nothing wrong talking to a guy. If you’re college age, I know Touro has a lot of events etc.
Who knows, maybe (not likely) that was more efficient back then, in your grandparents’ day. There certainly doesn’t seem to a higher marriage rate nowadays among those who do it that way.
Daas Yochid boys should marry when they are ready to roll
The chassidishe way is the only proven way – look around and see how few are older and unmarried in the Chasdidishe world.Let’s face it
gilda that’s what I am talking about
I can see that I am late on this but if I could change the system, it would be to make people understand a few things. Number one, the whole thing about girls giving pictures of themselves is completely inappropriate. Number two, parents have to realize that it is not them getting married; it is their children. Therefore, they should be involved in the shidduch but not to the point where they are saying “I do not want this for my child.” This is Unfortunate for that parent because Hashem runs the world and He decides who one is going to marry not the parents.
IamaJew u have a valid point
I’m thinking of getting married
Rema711, thank you.
IamaJew Your welcome
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