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I am not married yet but i have also been in the shidduch world for about 3 years.I dont think i suffered to much because i date in a very different fashion than your classic “mainstream yeshivish way”,but even for me its not easy…I grew up in NY and from what i heard from people in their 40’s and 50’s there, they told me that when they were going out it was much simple(we all know this already)but it was so simple that supposedly guys from big yeshivas and girls would hang out and meet at certain places and they got married and we are the generation that came from them….so nowadays all this is looked down upon,everyone is afraid to go to shidduch events or meets becuz its not heimish but i think thats dumb.Lots of my friends who are good frum yidden have married girls from whom they knew in High School..god frum girls…Im not saying that we should let everyone run wild but i think its time that we realized that nothing that people say can help the shidduch crisis except really for Hashem.We have to make an effort thoug so i think it would be a good idea to let yeshiva guys hang out more once they reach like 23-24….we should make heimish shidduch meetings like for example..set up a committee of people..hang up signs..the first stage will only be singles from age of 25 to 32….applications have to be filled(all free..married people will volunteer)the ppl will decide who is eligible for the meet..pick 250 guys and 250 girls….rent a hall or warehouse….everyone comes in..food…we set up something to get people to start talking to eachother..a couple of rav’s and rebbetzins walk around patrolling and no one can leave with out someone of the opposite gender.Time is running out for lots of these people.Think about it.I cant implement this idea since i have no money for it and i dont live in America anymore but i think people on here who know good connected people can do something.This doesnt go against anything in Halacha if its done right.You can meet 50 girls who u might go out with that year in one night and not waste time.
Peace.
I think parents are the key. And children should trust their parents. The children should doven to Hashem that in the merit of trusting their parents that when they accept the shidduch it will be a good thing and the parents should doven that Hashem will give them sechel to pick a good partner for their child.
Pick a partner that your parent will get along with. Doven to Hashem that the person will say yes. In our circles we have to “Just Say Yes”.
It was a true miracle that I met my spouse. I had to be married and I didn’t know it and so Hashem made it happen. For the ones who know they have to get married they should “Just Say Yes” (and remember to doven for the person on the other side to say yes).
It was much simpler and worked much better when the father of the boy made an agreement with the father of the girl to marry off their children together. It worked for so many happy generations of successful and happy marriages, unlike the broken, unhappy, divorce generation we suffer from today.
Astrix, many groups do this kind of thing already.
Astrix…you are on to something! (I am BH married for 10 yrs now, so I’m obviously not into shidduchim, and) everytime I hear of singles/shidduch meetings I always think it’s for people who are NOT heimish/yeshivish/or anyone considered really frum. But maybe when done in a proper setting, with the right people, as you suggested, such a thing can kick off- even for the frummest!
LSH: very true, with younger children (in their 20’s) in shidduchim. However, some people are reaching an age, or had reached an age where parents are not the ones talking with the shadchanim anymore, it’s THEY themselves who are talking with shaddchonim and doing the ‘homework’.
shlishi: Nowadays, you can’t pull off that shtick anymore. too bad though.
The rabbonim aren’t going to go for this type of stuff. There is enough hanky panky as it is.
Obaminator: “The rabbonim aren’t going to go for this type of stuff.”
what type of stuff?? what type of stuff specifically are you referring to? If everything is B’Halacha, and is with mashgichim, for both genders, and with people getting older and more desperate?!
LSH -“I think parents are the key. And children should trust their parents.”
Usually you’re right, but some parents aren’t trustworthy.
1. The OP’s idea is a good one.
2. It is not going to happen.
Astrix, you CAN make it happen. You might surprise yourself. Talk the idea up with your friends. Speak to a few (younger) rabbis. I think you may find a rabbi who will come on board – perhaps even offer his shul for the shindig. I think its a terrific idea and as you can see by the reponses here, many others think so, as well.
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