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Okay-let’s say you a are a typical girl or guy that apparently has an “issue” and therefore isn’t finding great shidduchim. (No that everyone doesn’t have issues, and you are prob going to the WRONG shadchanim but whatever) In any case, you people bemoan how hard it is to get set up with someone normal…
I don’t go it. If there’s so many boys AND girls in such a position where they have things some people would consider “issues” than why don’t they just marry someone else with “issues” I mean we all know everyone has issues.
Why can’t every just get married and be happy!? I don’t get it!
Even the people “without” “issues” still marry someone “without” “issues” and we all know that “without” means it just hidden, in the past, not knowing the full truth and so on.
NO ONE IS PERFECT!
Lots of people with issues are married.
What is sad is that an issue like mental illness is treated as something that needs to be hidden still there are people who could be helped but are not because there is still a stigma attached to it, any illness requires treatment but many are regarded as if it is their fault for having an illness.
Big issues or small issues?
Shopping,
Date outside your community
They resent being labeled as inferior for something over which they have no control.
I guess people want to marry someone better than they are. The bigger problem however is the lack of involvementby non-pro shadchanim
Shopping,
I think it’s 100% of the problem
People want other people to be perfect, which isn’t possible and defeats the whole point of marriage
Most of the people with “issues” that I know of are okay with marrying other people with “issues”. It’s their parents that aren’t, because they view every child-in-law as a chance to improve their image.
Everyone with an issue fools him/her self into thinking their issue is nothing serious and there’s no reason i need to marry a person with issues.
80 percent of solving any issue in life is the person admitting to the problem he has. The rest is solving the problem.
When people are ready to honestly admit that they have an issue then it will not be hard for them to marry a different person with issues.
Some issues are better solved with people who don’t have issues.
Depends on the issues, as all of us have SOME issue; only Hashem is perfect. But if it were your child (be honest) for whom you were seeking a shidduch, would you look for someone with obvious “issues?” Anything can happen in life, and even the healthiest person can suddenly become ill physically and/or mentally chas v’sholom. But would you l’chatchilah pick that person out for your child (or self) if you knew of the problems? EVERYONE deserves to find the right zivug, but these challenges realistically do make it harder for them. It really depends on what the problem is, how controllable, and if it is hereditary, that people most often question. I pray that b’korov Hashem sends each unmarried person, the zivug hagun that will bring him/her true happiness.
I think the issue is fear. Some people fear choosing the wrong partner to the point of avoiding the choice altogether. They worry that even though they like each other now, will that change over time? How well will the two of them face life’s inevitable challenges?
Concerns about the impact of mental health issues on a marriage can escalate rapidly and horror stories abound.
So, we assure them with advice like have havtacha in haShem and confidence in yourself and your partner, but not everyone’s concerns are so quickly assuaged.
Why is being academic or studious so bad that it’s an insult?
Shopping, not all issues were created equal.
OK, I think I got it. Are you saying that people need to be realistic that if they have issues, they’re generally only going to be set up with people with similar issues?
It’s not just about having something in common, it’s about being compatible and being able to have a good marriage.
Say two people have hearing issues. You would say they have something in common, and that’s true. But what if they are different hashkafically, or one wants to live in a big city and the other hates big cities, or some other difference? Should they marry each other just because they have something in common?
It is a sad situation. I know someone who was in jail for a few years, murder or something, and she just can’t find a shiduch. I recently was speaking to a boy and I said, “I don’t understand. Why don’t you just marry her and be happy about it?”, but he still refused, and then complains I’m not helping him out enough. It’s ridiculous.
It happens to be that I later found out that this girl didn’t have as much money as I thought she did, so he was right for declining, but he didn’t know that bishas ma’aseh. And then he wants to know why he’s still single.
But a girl with depression needs someone who can hear her and listen.
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