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I miss the closeness to Hashem, the constant voice in me telling me Hashem loves me.
I miss al hanissim.
I miss hallel.
I miss the warm yummy candles.
I miss the donuts….
You shouldn’t eat candles.
I miss watching the candles in a dark room and contemplating life.
I also miss early dismissal.
Taom
Chanukah is just a reminder of what is constantly going on. Hashem is always close to you and always loves you. Take the message of Chanukah and live with it! Btw there’s an excellent shiur I think everyone should listen to especially teenagers, it is by Rabbi Dovid Roberts titled Finding Happiness in Unexpected Places. You can find it on Torahanytime.
TAOM
Please let me know what you thought of the shiur once you listen to it.
Thanks
TAOM
You are welcome! Look for some special spirital activity that you can incorporate into your day that will give you that feeling of closeness. Maybe try to go through the whole tehillim (with a translation so you know what you are saying) do 3-5 kapitlach a day or find a daily chessed activity to do…
the-art-of-moi
It may be better not to do this on Shabbos. One is supposed to be happy on Shabbos and if reading mussar seforim will make one sad they shouldnt read them on Shabbos.
Btw I want to tell you something very important about Teshuvah. If you sincerely regret it thats it you are done. Theres no use living in the sadness and regret. Hashem wants you to do Teshuvah which means sincerely regret what you did and then FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON. If you sincerely believe that Hashem forgives when you do Teshuvah then you would just let go and let yourself move on. We all make mistakes, some make big ones. It doesnt matter what the mistake you must move on and focus on the good and living positively. Dont dwell on your aveiros and live in the past.
I miss Chanuka! In this case, when you tidy up your candle Chanukiyos, place 8+1 candles in them for decoration. It will make Chaukah feel much more real.
TAOM you havtw feel sorry, and try to make it up to him. Cuz ?’ does SOOOOOO much for you! You love him and he loves you!!!! And thwts why he’ll forgive you! Thats love! So cuz you love HaShem you WANT to do Teshuva and work harder!!!! Right??????
And…I cannot give any more than that cuz Im trying to figure out mysrlf how I can keep obligations…like I can keep them…if I remember…
TAOM- you have 2 admit wat u did wrong out loud more for yourself than for god, god gave us the whole teshuva process for us nd not for him when we say what we did out loud and then feel guilty about it its much easier to say that in the future you wont do it cuz u wont want to feel that guilty again
even though u know u may do something again u still have to try… at that moment u have to say u wont do it again and if u do then u fell of the horse, u just have 2 get back on
(wow i feel like such a preacher and i prob shudnt b the 1 to give advice but thts wat i learned in class so i guess i can say it)
Yes that always works. Seeing what went wrong and starting again from there, then you get a little furthur, fall, start again from tgere and so on…..
Thats basically life my friend.
the-art-of-moi
No offense to your teachers and all that but they didnt do a good job teaching you about Teshuvah. The truth is you should contact a shul Rav who is a big talmud chacham, he will probably know enough to guide you on how to properly do Teshuvah. I think a lot of what you have been doing is counterproductive and making things worse.
The reason why you have to do Teshuvah is for you not for Hashem. The reason you daven is the same, Hashem knows everything, He knows what you want and need and what you are going to say before you say it. But we need to do the act of saying the words and feeling the meaning behind them.
When we do Charatah and say the words, “Hashem I did xyz…” try to picture yourself standing before Hashem and actually saying what you did wrong. That has a very powerful affect on a person and seforim say I think I heard that its from a Rambam, that when you admit what you did it makes it harder to ever do it again. Also, if you aren’t sincere in your regret you will have a harder time saying it out. Thoughts are thoughts we dont give much value to them. Words are more valuable and powerful (not to say that thought is cheap but thats just the way we view it).
Charata doesnt mean guilt. It means regret. Regret is very different from guilt. Regret is “I wish I hadnt done that.” “I wish I hadnt acted that way” “I wish I hadnt lowered myself….” You can feel guilty without having regret. Guilty is more like you did something that you know you shoulnt have and you have that nagging guilty feeling. Would you do it again? Maybe. Possibly. Regret means you deeply wish you hadnt done it and you wont do it again because you realize the hard you caused to yourself or to another…
Kabbalah al haasid means setting up Gedarim so that it wont happen again. Theres no limit to how many gedarim you can set up. If you know that theres something you cant stay away from you need to put it in quarantine. Make sure that you are 10 steps removed from it. Theres more to this. You also need to have positive alternatives to bail you out when you are in danger of doing the thing you shouldnt. Additionally, if possible, arrange with a trusted friend or mentor to be able to call them when you feel that things are getting chaotic and your mind is leading you to do the thing you dont want to do. At the end of the day, YOU are the boss. You have bechira which means free choice to say NO to anything that is bad for you. However the bechirah is to say no before being in the situation of sin. If someone has a problem with watching TV his bechirah is to choose not to go into the room when the TV is on. Once he goes into the room he may not have the power to resist looking. You understand? So utilize that bechira and Hashem will help you.
TAOM
You are welcome! Hatzlacha!
Why does this happen every Friday night? I don’t like my neshama yeseira, it makes me feel to guilty…
TAOM: I have been reading a lot about Shabbos recently and I believe I do have an answer to that, but I’m a bit hesitant to post it here. You have to promise me that you’re not gonna get upset, k?
Streekgeek please post it. Friday night is also my sob night where I miss my friends from all over the world the most and I feel guilty and sad and depressed…..and I cry myself to sleep
I’ll try to explain but I really don’t mean to be condescending okay? And it’s also kind of hard to put these ideas in to words. I’m just saying what I’ve learnt when I wanted to find out why I never appreciated Shabbos before. Shabbos is taking everything away so that you are your pure unadulterated self. It’s the one day that you are forced to be yourself without hiding and without distractions. The silence of Shabbos is its beauty. If you can sit in the silence comfortably that shows that you are happy and satisfied being yourself. If you find the silence boring, unbearable, or sad then you’re not comfortable where you are and with where you are headed-you can’t handle the silence of confrontation. You know you are worth more than you are now. Shabbos is sort of like a mirror. It doesn’t lie. What you see in it is who you really are. Breaking Shabbos is like breaking the mirror- you’re afraid to see yourself and to face the horrible realization of not being all you can be.
streekgeek – That is so beautiful and so right on. I know I have brought this up in other threads but Rabbi Abraham Twersky also talks about people not wanting to be alone with themselves and what it means about how they feel about themselves.
Shopping – instead of hating that neshama yiseira, think of the guilt as a boost of strength for change. For example, I need to change my eating habits so badly but I really don’t have the energy for that. Now that I am getting older I gain more easily and I feel like I need to be more careful but I am so stressed that I just can’t deal with it. Well I started getting bad stomach aches from breads and fried stuff and had to completely stop eating most of it.
At first I still wanted it and I kept complaining about the pain but the pain was a favor, the impetus I needed to JUST STOP! Now when I think of the pain or the foods I can’t eat I don’t even want to anymore. I don’t dwell on how fat I am, I thank Gd that I now have the boost I needed to work on it!
As Rabbi Wallerstein has said, “Use the fire for good” Take the huge burning anger and frustration with who you are and where you are at and use it to shoot yourself up higher, instead of blowing yourself up.
That makes alot of sense, cuz both of us deep down inside are dealing with ourselves and tonz of stuff and I guess we see it more on Shabbos, specially when we cant talk about it with anybody.
Thanks so much!
streekgeek
I hear what you are saying but I think that this can be said about any day of the week if someone chooses to sit in solitude and contemplate their lives.
TAOM (and possibly) Shopping.
Shabbos is extremely holy and is the holiest day of the year (it is even holier than Yom Kippur!) It is the day that Hashem so to speak comes down to dwell with us and just be with us. I think the reason you cry on Shabbos is because you are a very sensitive and spiritual person and you are able to feel Hashems closeness to you. I think its an amazing thing to feel Hashems closeness to you and something you should be happy about and thankful for. Many people don’t “feel” Hashem and dont know the experience of feeling close to Hashem or only have it on the rarest occasions. You are from the lucky few (due to your nature and probably because you are actively seeking closeness to Hashem in an authentic and genuine fashion) who can access that closeness more frequently. However please dont cry on Shabbos. We are supposed to be happy joyful and take pleasure on Shabbos not be sad and mopey.
Its awfully hard….it just comes out while lying in bed.
I, too, miss Chanukah.
Saying Hallel every morning, kriat hatorah every morning, Al haNisim, Maoz Tzur, Mi Yimalel, Sevivon, Dreydl, Chanukah O Chanukah, learning all sorts of Chanukah torah, sitting in awe and meditating on G-d’s miracles and salvations for 30 minutes a night, etc. are all very dear to me.
The lesson, though, is to take Chanukah into every day life. Be mindful that by virtue of being here and waking up every morning, that is a miracle. That we’re saved from troubles all the time, and that every morning, we need to re-dedicate the Beit haMikdash in our hearts and souls through clinging to G-d and doing mitzvot.
taom- ouch, that is really hard… Just wanna give you my best wishes for things to turn out good, and let you know you’re not alone. 2 points: 1- i dont know your father but it could be he was overwhelmed at the cost and said it in frustration but will pay for the treatment after a few days of getting used to the idea. If it is extremely painful, try to tell your mom that you need the treatment, you can’t deal with the pain, tell your dad the same. 2- If your father really cannot/will not pay for the treatment tell your doctor there’s a $ issue preventing treatment. S/he may know of a cheaper option or somewhere it’s offered on a sliding fee. Refuah shleima!
I miss saying Hallel.
TAOM good luck! Stay positive and im davening for yiu!!!! There are organazations that can pay for such things…dnt have time to write more
WIY – I hear what you are saying but I think that this can be said about any day of the week if someone chooses to sit in solitude and contemplate their lives.
Of course, however every other day of the week is full of distractions that keeps you from dwelling on this. Shabbos comes and there is no escape, which is why I feel these thoughts are more prevalent then.
TAOM – He’s making it so hard cuz if you weren’t challenged you wouldn’t get anywhere or use all your potential. Ever read A Thinking Jewish Teenager’s Guide to Life? If not I strongly recommend it. It is one of those books that has been sitting in my room for years and probably has never seen a bookshelf cuz I’m forever re-reading it when things are down. (Shopping – it’s right next to Beyond a Reasonable Doubt 😉 – another one of my favorites) TAOM, you’ll get through this as well. Yknow some beautiful things don’t start off looking beautiful. However in hindsight, you will see how all this pain fits in to the master plan and how much it has helped you become who you are. You know this already, but keep repeating it to yourself. And just stay strong!
Hey Im in middle of reading it. Si thats what I wanted to tell her……basically what streekgeek said. Its not the BEST but OK.
found it in the school library, there was also another type book there I want to read, I tell you what its called when I take it out
Shopping – I agree it’s not one of the best ones out there as its really deep, like I have to be in a certain mood to understand what I’m reading. However the chapters on free will and challenges are unparalleled. They have literally changed my life.
Yes but I had figured out most of that on my own these past years so it was quite boring for me…
I’m just curious, does anyone want a ontinuation of the alien saga from that book? That was favorite part!!!!!!
the-art-of-moi
I think you are obsessing over the whole Teshuvah thing. Really all Hashem wants is for you to try your hardest to do whats right based on what you know. Stop expecting perfection from yourself. This obsession with Teshuvah is going to make you depressed. Focus on living positively and looking towards the future. Also I really think you need to have someone help you with the parent issue. You need a flesh and blood mentor/teacher/therapist to help guide you.
Yes but I had figured out most of that on my own these past years so it was quite boring for me…
Shopping: If that’s the case, when you write your own book on what life has taught you I’ll be first in line to have it autographed.
I can write pretty well, but most of this stuff I didn’t realize I knew until I was reading and every five seconds my brain went ‘duh’ or ‘obviously ‘ or ‘I already knew that’
Shopping
We know many things that we never would think about if we didnt read mussar seforim and self help books. The idea isnt to teach you chiddushim like the mesilas yeshorim says (although often that happens as well) but rather to remind you and make you mindful of what you already know.
TAOM
Im far from being a Rav, Im just a yid who knows some stuff and keeps trying to learn more. By shiur do you mean what I wrote above? I am so glad that it has helped her!!! You are very welcome!
TAOM- how are you!
TAOM – Please stop putting yourself down like that! Don’t dwell on how you could have been a better person, rather look forward to becoming the person you know you can be. Try changing your mindset just a little. As they say, hindsight vision is 20/20 – you can see exactly how you could have acted differently and then you dwell on it so much you can’t move forward…I know the feeling, been there too many times.
If you feel you didn’t get closer to Hashem at all since Chanuka, be thankful that at least you’re not further away from Him (I’m assuming that because of why you said you weren’t here in 2 weeks) and work on getting closer NOW! Try taking on a small kabbala that is meaningful to you, that will make you feel connected. Even something so small can make the difference. Personally, there is one non-jewish song that I really love. Being that I stopped listening to that type of music approximately 2 years ago, I was able to get around it by getting my friend to professionally record it for me so I could listen to it. (My belief is that a non-jewish song sung by a Jewish singer is not as bad as the original because of the improper thoughts that are absent when a Jewish singer sings that same song…) Anyways, I recently felt inspired enough to take the song off of my “favorites” playlist, which I have playing on repeat most of the day, and a few days later I was able to fully delete it from my phone. Some might say, oh please, that’s just one song…what about all the others you still listen to? My look at it is that there is now one less song that I listen to and that is a step in the right direction no matter how small it is.
TAOM – Listen, I really don’t know you, but look at how far you have come since last year. So if the last 2 months weren’t the greatest, make the next to the best that it could be! You know you have it in you!
“(My belief is that a non-jewish song sung by a Jewish singer is not as bad as the original because of the improper thoughts that are absent when a Jewish singer sings that same song…)”
I don’t understand this. Can you clarify?
JF02 – It’s hard to understand cuz all I’m doing is just rationalizing things I shouldn’t be doing so I could do it…but I’ll try to explain a bit. My understanding of why music is so powerful is because it is more than just something you’re listening to. It’s a lot deeper than that. The thoughts a singer entertains while singing his/her songs are absorbed in the music and thereby filters down to you, the listener, both for good and for bad. If one singer is a lot more moral than a different singer, the same song that they both sing could have a different impact on the listener.
the-art-of-moi
You aren’t being fair to yourself. We all have ups and down’s and even within one day we can have good moments and not such good moments.
Additionally, I dont think its fair to compare Chanukah to now. Why do you think you would and should feel the same on a non Yom Tov as you feel on Yom Tov?! Thats simply impossible. Yom Tov is a special time where Hashem sends down a certain spiritual light and we are closer to Him during that time. Just like you cant compare the weekday to Shabbos you cant compare the weekday to yom tov. Its natural to feel more on yom tov, especially since we do special acts and have certain mitzvos on yom tov that we don’t have every day. That makes it exciting as well.
Going back to what we started with, the Chofetz Chaim zechuso yagein aleinu says that if someone is davening shemoneh esrei and he realizes in middle of sim shalom that he spaced out the whole shemoneh esrei and didn’t have one bit of kavannah, he shouldnt get down on himself but rather be mechazek himself and say i will have kavannah in sim shalom and the rest of shemoneh esrei. Basically he is saying dont be a perfectionist and dont throw in the towel because things didnt go just the way you would have liked. Even if you had a terrible day, you can go and save the day and say a kapitel Tehillim, or do a chessed or something. Look forward always. The yetzer hora is trying to trap you into giving up. Thats a big tool of his especially in this generation. He just wants you to give up. Hashem knows you are human and doesn’t expect perfection. Hashem expects that when you mess up you wont give up, rather you will be mechazek yourself to be better the next time.
Love your posts, just don’t always have time for the longer ones during work hours – 29
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