How to Treat Your Husband

let’s talk specifics.

At a bare minimum, treat him the way you’d want to be treated. Ideally, treat him much better than you treat yourself. The same advice applies to a husband regarding how he treats his wife.

The Wolf

“BTW, does anyone know if the halacha is that you must stand up when he comes into the room?”

never heard that one.

you’re probably confusing with parents.

I don’t think men should be reading this thread.

Rambam (perek 21, halacha 7) says: “We find that every woman performs five tasks for her husband. She spins, washes his face, hands, and legs, pours his drink, makes the bed, and serves him. There are six tasks some women do and some don’t: grind and bake and cook, wash, nurse children, and feed the animals.”

Pac-man- thanks for starting with that Rambam all over again. It sure was fun the first time around….

mewho: i think ur advice is excellent and everyone should really strive to do what you said. however, in real life, it’s not always so easy. we all slip up every now and then. and when you do, you shouldn’t be discouraged and feel like you failed. just make up your mind to try harder.

i would like to add a couple of things:

Admit when you’re wrong. your spouse will appreciate it. saying “i’m sorry” and meaning it is so important!

Try very hard not to argue in front of the kids! That’s a biggie! it’s so hard for kids to see parents arguing. little disagreements once in a while are ok – it all depends on how you handle it, though. they do have to learn that nobody can get along 24/7. but if they do see you disagree, they must also see the reconciliation. it teaches them how to get along and how to solve/handle certain issues. Again – if you slip up and they do see more of an argument – don’t despair! it’s ok to admit to them that it was wrong. and then of course try harder next time.

We are all human!

My husband and I have a “list of rules” which i printed a number of years ago. we each have a copy of it. it’s good to refer to it every now and then. it really works.

I am not at home right now, but IY”H later I will try to post what’s written on that list. A lot of it was already said by mewho.

Wishing everyone the Bracha of Shalom Bayis!

“She spins”

my wife has taken a spin class( google it)at the gym, does this count?

what bout what he should do for us?

adorable – it’s a 2 way street

pac-man – i dunno but i think my husband would rather i cook and bake for him than wash his face. but who am i to argue with the Rambam? 🙂

I have a long (wish) list but A) my wife doesn’t go on the CR and B) she has her own list for me. Anyway, gotta go- the floor needs amoppin’ and some diapers need achangin’.(wife’s list #’s 375 and 778)

I did not mean for it to come out that way (problem when you are typing and not talking) but it seems like its always that the women has to be a slave to the husband and the men just want to know what they can have their wivves do for them….In a normal marriage where the wife does her duties- like laundry and suppers and cleaning up, that in itself is a lot. do you appreciate that?!?!?!

My wife stands up for me when she is feeding the animals

aries2756:

I don’t know what a husband is, but I get the feeling that it’s not just ‘someone else you love, respect, admire & appreciate’ plus one step. I sort of get the feeling it’s in an entirely different category. A being made to be a REAL part of you. Again I can’t argue with you, I don’t know what that thing is. (also you AND FAMILY are much smarter then cute little me)

While we’re on this topic, how does a wife like to be treated?

Uh Oh. Please no one accuse me of being Professor Double Talk.

above is technical glitch

This is the list I was talking about before:

1) No fighting in front of children (at least try not to).

3) No sarcasm, put downs, or mean comments.

4) No name calling.

5) Always be truthful.

13) No interrupting

14) Show love and compassion. Support each other.

15) Remember the feelings when we first got married.

18) Be thankful for all the good things we have.

arwsf – i’m honored! actually i tried to copy and paste our list (which i saved on word) the exact way i have it – with pics and all – but it didn’t work.

we have it in sheet protectors hung up in our room. laminating is a better idea.

IIRC, Rabbi Orlofsky once said some people go into a marriage expecting to give 50% and take 50% and wind up with 50%. Others walk in expecting to give 80 and take 20 and they both wind up with 100.

(That was the idea anyway.)

*kapusta*

mother in Israel: um….um….did i give that away? oops. actually had you seen another thread (and maybe you did) you might have realized it from that. i don’t know if others did as well.

anyway – it’s true – he never actually proposed. it’s now a joke in our family. whenever i ask if he’s ever going to – he says he’s afraid now – cuz i might not say yes 🙂

Gefen, I had a suspicion when reading the graduation thread, but I wasn’t sure. Glad he finally proposed, but why did he call you stzc?

Mother in Israel – sorry, but if i answered ur question, i would really give away my identity as i do personally know some ppl on this site besides for my husband and kids. obviously my husband and kids know my sn but the others don’t, just as i don’t know theirs. i just know that they are on here.

Actually, GAW, I disagree with the “like yourself.”

DH and I have very different ways of attacking our household responsibilities. It took us a while to realize this and come to an understanding. We discussed our differences and I realized that if I want him to truly appreciate my efforts, I should start with his list (also important tasks that needed to get done) because he would feel like I was accomplishing more. For example, I would clean the bathrooms before putting away laundry, but he would want laundry done first. Both needed to get done, but one made the house appear more orderly, and that was important to him.

Both of us try to show appreciation on a daily basis. I thank him for things like taking out the garbage or doing laundry even though they are part of his responsibilities to the family. He likewise thanks me for my efforts. Its simple, but makes each of us feel appreciated.

So, treat your spouse the way they want/need to be treated. Ask the same of them.

My wife I believe is the ultimate eishes chaiyil.

I can believe that since she’s from the LES. So is my husband. ?

As to who she is. If we told you who we were i would have to put you so far in the witness protection program, H-Shem wouldn’t be able to find you. us fed are just like that sometimes 🙂

Oh, believe me, I had no intention if trying to figure out her identity. I was just curious what stzc stood for, not realizing that it was something personal.