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ok u guys might think this is rlly weird but i find it rly rly rly hard to say thank you to my parents.. like if my mom cooks dinner i cant find it in me so just say thank you.. idk wats wrong wtih me!! to every1 else im fine i can do it just not to my parents..
Are you too shy to say “thank you” to your parents? Or do you think what they do for you is coming to you? Do you tell your parents that you love them? Here is a little trick you can use to work on this, seriously I am not joking about this.
Stand in front of the mirror, you can hang a picture of your mom or dad in the corner of the mirror, and just do it. Practice it. “That was really good, thanks mom.” “That was nice of you, thanks dad.” Seriously, it will get easier if you hear yourself doing it.
That’s great that you realize that you should be thanking them!
Would it be easier for you to write those words on a note and leave them near your mom’s purse/dad’s tfillin?
Workinonit
Don’t think about it. Just do it force yourself. When it comes to these types of things you must force yourself to do it. You must break through that blockage with action. Think afterwards. I also had that awkwardness but I forced myself to do it because when it comes to doing what’s right we have to do it no matter how unpleasant it may feel. Ironically the more we think about it the less probable we are to do it. Once you have an idea in your head to do something positive, the smartest thing to do is act as soon as possible to make it a reality. Thinking can often be procrastination. There’s nothing more to think about. Imagine you were being paid a $1000 for every thank you and compliment you give your mother. I don’t think that you would be caught up by the awkwardness. You would do it with a smile. Training yourself to be a mentsh and showing appreciation is worth much more than the money. You make yourself into someone who appreciates which is a trait that will take you very far in life and will allow you to have good relationships and a happy marriage. Just do it!
workinonit, didn’t your parents make you say “thank you” while you were growing up? Shouldn’t that come automatically?
Workinonit
Say “Mommy,” (and when she looks at you and says “yes” say) “Thank you for the delicious dinnersupperlunch…”
p.s. Make sure she is sitting down lol
Workinonit
Not that its my business but if its that scary to say thank you to your mother its likely that there is some issues with the relationship. You shouldn’t be so scared of complimented your mother.
There are other ways of saying thanks, too, that will have the same meaning to your parents.
Try: i am so glad you’re my parent; i am very lucky to be your child; I received the best parents possible.
thats because you are a bum and a kafuy tov. go to chofetz chaim and learn some mussar.
You want to say thank you and can’t or you mean you don’t feel you should say it at all?
For dinner, you can say “that was really good”, and your mother will understand what you mean.
wow, you are right, i do not understand and can not relate to that feeling… however, what i do want to say is that it may seem weird but a person is shaped according to his actions-adam niphal kephi peulasuv- its an amazing idea that if you do an outward action it can really change you as a person. therefore, if you are finding it hard to feel the hakaras hatov to you parents- it may help to just say the thank yous- even if they are empty- and after time you will see that you will really feel that way ( not only act it)! Hatzlacha Rabah!
Bombmaniac
A little harsh unless its an inside joke.
talking as a parent, we give, gave and will give I”YH unconditionally to our children. Stop making everything so conditional!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah i was trolling…i can understand the difficulty in saying thank you to a parent. there are a lot of mixed feelings at play. like the idea that they owe you anyway so why should you thank them? do you thank a debtor for paying up? does a landlord thank a tenant for paying rent?
then theres the part where they sometimes have to punish you which can create some subconscious feelings of anger (to a degree) keven though a child may really love their parents they might find it hard to thank their parent)
then theres the fact that thanking someone is being submissive and teens are usually rebellious…there are a whole bunch of factors.
theres more, but i just woke up so im tired.
Maybe if you realize and reflect how lucky you are to have such parents, you will find it easier to say thank you to them. Our relationship with our parents is like our relationship with Hashem. Hashem iis also our parent, and we are also supposed to thank him for everything that He gives us.
Parents love their children unconditionally,and will always give to them (Just like Hashem loves and always gives to us.) It is a good middah to learn how to thank them. I was learning over shabbos in a sefer, Tiv Haemunah by Rav Gamliel Rabinovitch. He talks about how everything you receive is from Hashem. So why do we thank people for things if they were just the stick in Hashems hands? Chazal say that one is who ungrateful for the goodness he receives from a friend is tantamount to being ungrateful for the goodness bestowed upon from Hashem. Why though? Wasnt the person just a glove of HKB”H? Because we live in a physical world, we see observe and comprehend things on a physical level. So when we see with our own eyes that someone did something for us, we need to show our hakaras hatov. But we must also raelize that he was a messenger, so we need to thank Hashem as well. They are an emissary of HKBH.
If you start thanking them, once, twice, three times, it will get easier and even help you on a higher level as well 🙂
What makes you feel so scared? Many times the emotion is so much bigger than the truth. Is it possible to talk about your fear?
Don’t you want people to think and believe your nice? Is there something wrong with being nice? Do your parents NOT think that you are nice?
didn’t your parents make you say “thank you” while you were growing up? Shouldn’t that come automatically?
Yes, but what is the point of an automatic thank you.
popa- ha thats exactly what i said 🙂
Sorry, I didn’t really read the thread.
workinonit, please understand people change all the time, even at my age. We are always but a work in progress always trying to improve and reach for higher madreigos. We are always changing and improving in some ways. No one stays the same, firstly that would be boring, secondly that is NOT what Hashem wants of us. WE are always learning new things, form shiurim, from one and other, from reading, from new mephorshim that are presenting. We are not stagnant people. We all change and we all keep evolving. So in a sense we all grow and we all change especially teenagers. Every day is a new experience and everyday you are supposed to grow and surprise your parents with something new about you.
Don’t worry, they are expecting new and different surprises every day. It is ok to surprise them. You are NOT the first teen to do that. Please surprise them, with “thank you’s” and “I love you’s” Surprise them by doing the dishes, surprise them with having new friends. Surprise them with leaving notes for them telling them you appreciate them, or just telling them about your day. Parents love these little surprises. OK? Maybe they will surprise you as well. Maybe you will find a $10 bill under your pillow. Wouldn’t that be a nice surprise?
My parents never tell me they love me and neither do they hug me or whatever…they think I’m weird for hugging my friends…I feel weird telling them I love them too but when they make supper or something I tell them thank you…It comes automatic…I just don’t feel close to them or my siblings…
Bombmaniac
I won’t analyze everything you said but this needs explanation: “like the idea that they owe you anyway so why should you thank them?”
Your parents owe you nothing. They gave you life and everything you have. There is no way to repay a parent for all they have done, carrying you 9 months in the womb, feeding you overtime you were hungry. Changed your diapers when you were dirty. Took you to the doctor when you were sick. Held your hand when you were scared and calmed your fears. Put you in school and paid for your education. There’s so many things to be thankful for. Even if your parents weren’t or aren’t the best parents, just for giving you life you have so much to be thankful to them for.
i didnt say it was justified…i just said that it could be a possible reason
My parents aren’t either the type I can talk about whatever’s on my mind…that’s why I have friends…
workinonit and kylbdnr, sometimes when you are teenagers, parents think you need yours space and you don’t want to be hugged anymore. They are afraid that you will push them away. If you need a hug, please don’t be afraid to ask for it, and even demand it if you have to. You are entitled to be hugged by your parents. Tell them I said so, ok? 🙂
Many people have trouble expressing their emotions, but a simple thanks, I appreciate what you did, is easy to say. You might feel it comes across as “phony” or uncharacteristic, ebcause you don’t generally do it, but if you make yourself say the wors, after a while it will come naturally to you.
Look at it this way – if you cannot express hakoras hatov to your own parents and mean it, how can you do so to Hashem?
It’s not only me they don’t hug it’s my younger siblings too…and I know it’s because they think it’s gross… Like I said, they think it’s funny that I hug my friends but I think my friends know more about me than my parents do and that’s why I let my friends set me up with a guy instead of my parents…my parents don’t know what I’m like and don’t know which kind of boy I wanted.
Just because my “thank you” is automatic does not mean that it is not sincere.
Thank you all for reading my post.
kylbdnr
If I had to guess I would say your parents are probably not American and were brought up in an environment vastly different than the one you grew up in. They probably grew up in the kind of house where their parents also didn’t hug much. The warm hugginess is very much an American thing. On the other hand you should know that there are people who don’t like touching or being touched but can still be very warm loving people. There are people who are overly touchy and their hugs and kisses are meaningless. If someone hugs everyone they meet how much will you value the hug?
Everyone is entitled to be hugged by their parents. If you need it, go get it. They might not realize it and you have to open their eyes. Many people were brought up in cold environments especially after the war. Some parents were extremely affectionate and some were afraid to be because they were afraid they would lose those they loved too much. Don’t lose out. I had a very shy client that lacked self esteem and self confidence. She could barely speak up and tell me what was bothering her. A lot had to do with her relationship with her mother. I told her the same thing. I told her if she needed a hug from her mother she should ask for it. She did. Her mother was so shocked but of course accommodated. She said her mother cried. She didn’t even realize that they weren’t hugging and that her daughter needed it so badly. Her other kids were NOT like that.
B”H that girl is married today with children.
sometimes kids cant express their gratitude to their parents because its so overwhelming and al encompassing. it also can lead to resentment because the child feels so indebted to the parent; theres no way to adequately express themselves and so they kind of end up being distant so as not to feel like they owe so much. that could be a pshat here even if you dont think so.
im a shtick physcologist, what?!
believe it or not, she said she won’t even hug me on my wedding day.
WIY you’re right. They’re not American. They’re israeli.
Kylbdnr- I feel like crying 🙁 thank u for making me realize how lucky I am that my parent know about me, like i never thanked Hashem for that! I’m sorry- am I just making u feel worse? I really hope u can still have a good relationship with ur parents even without the mushy stuff, and u know ur probably lucky in other ways , like u probably get into less arguments if u talk to them less 🙂
Workinonit- I also sometimes have this prob , but it IS much easier in writing , so maybe do what a lot of posters suggested and write little cards , or keep saying thank u and maybe it’ll get easier, – this is what I do;)
“B”H that girl is married today with children.”
Yes because if they were single their life would be worthless?
please and thank you are two phrases to teach your children when they are little
My dad hugged me today…for the 1st time since I remember…I went to my room after and cried 😉
first of all workinonit (or wtvr) ur so not emotionally messed up. i went thru like almost the same thing. i felt weird being mushy like saying i love you and things like that. i can’t really offer advice cuz i have no idea what i did to change that. it just happened. now i hug and kiss my mom every night b4 i go to bed and i tell her how much i love her and vice versa- i’m not up to that with my dad yet tho. so i guess i can just give u chizuk and tell u that ur not the only one who is like that.
I think my dad for sure saw this thread somehow…he never hugged me…
Maybe because he just left for vacation till Monday
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