How to remain neutral with the boys in college

I tell opposite genders I’m under doctor’s orders not to touch others, when I sense an opposite gender wants to shake my hand or is prepared to stretch out a hand.

Not to start a whole discussion (which i am sure Popa can locate in CCH), but youmay want to ask a rav about the handshaking. It is not so simple that is is not allowed. In any event, people end up seeing through lies, and then you look bad.

There’s a huge misconception in “chilul Hashem”. Honoring Hashem means doing His Mitzvos/commandments. Neglecting any is a chillul Hashem, new-age definitions notwithstanding.

This discussion reminds me of Aristotle. He was a great ethical philosopher. However, his students observed him in immoral acts that he taught to stay away from. His response: “I’m Aristotle when teaching, not now”. A lot of these ideas may be philosophically correct but are not practical to the OP, at this point and time.

good.jew — It does not seem that the OP’s main concern with regard to negiah was the handshaking issue. (These are classmates — presumably the handshaking dilemma has passed for the most part!) It seems she is more concerned about working on group projects, etc.. where other situations of negiah arise.

I do agree that there is no reason whatsoever to lie, and it is highly inappropriate (and probably against Halacha) to do so. As other posters said, there is no reason why one cannot politely and matter of factly explain this issue the same way one would explain not eating non-kosher refreshments. The worst case scenario is a few strange looks, and some classmates who think you’re a bit strange (which may not be such a bad thing. . . )

Truth be told, you are so yeshivish-wrong!! Not making a bad impression on the Goyim is Chillul HaShem. This concept has very strong foundation in the TaNaCh and Divrei Chazal. Look up the Gemora in Ha’Arel, to start with.

“Now you have to find a way around this Halacha”

(I assumed – perhaps I am guilty of assuming – that the OP was concerned with non jewish males.) And, if your a non jewish male, thats a pretty clear cut way around the psak of the Rambam.

mdd:

Truth be told, you are so yeshivish-wrong!!

Lets get this,

1) Attacking yeshivish in general, but no specific part.

2) Whatever it is you’re attacking your attacking through referencing, without citing. Wow.

A coherent argument would go as follows. You would mention only what was said that you’re debating. Labeling would be left out. Then you would proceed to prove your position, clearly. Otherwise, do you think such an argument is taken seriously?

HRH: Thank you

Truth be told, I do not need books when I know the mekoros and what Rabbonim pasken. If the Goyim do not like that you do not serve avoda zorah, it is tough luck on them. If they get an impression that the Jews are dishonest or have no derech eretz, it’s Chillul HaShem.

There is no reason to be rude I work in a non orthodox environment and for the past years have never shook a gentleman’s hand. I politely say I am an orthodox woman and don’t shake hand with the opposite sex. Some are aware of it some ask questions. It has never stopped me from doing my work and making a Kiddush Hashem by being an employee who gives them 100%.

Hatzalocha to you.

There are many other people in healthcare who do not shake hands for the sole reason of exposing themselves to germs..

@Bubble. I applaude you for your stance.

My Rabbi is a doctor & he never shakes the hand of any woman. He stops & explains to them it’s his religious beliefs.

He told me that he actually finds that many women rather have him as a doctor since they now that he will NOT touch them unless he absolutely NEEDS to.

Perhaps this is why Reb Matisyahu Salimon announced in the name of Rav Elyashiv Shlit”a and other gedolim that its assur for a woman to go to college.

But, aei no hinami, she should not be too friendly.

Yunger mann, any ideas about how to make a living, if all boys are to learn and all girls are not to go to college( or to work , for that matter)?

To steer the thread back on topic. This girl is not in college. She posed the same question about the stock boy in the local grocery store or the bus driver who takes her every day to seminary or her volunteer shift at the local childrens hospital. The question is common for people of both genders in many daily situations that have nothing to do with college.

You dont have to have a close relationship with a classmate with whom you are working on a project with either. This isnt the 4th grade where you do a project at home, at night.

It is always appropriate to act professionally and that means NOT to listen to bad language and riske discussions. You can say that you are a very religious individual and you find that kind of language offensive, childish and totally unprofessional and unbecoming for someone in the healing and nurturing field. Although you like them and you think they are all very nice people, If they can’t respect that you will have to excuse yourself from the conversations. Practicing professionalism while in school will only promote a more appropriate attitude while on the job.

If a girl knows she will be marrying a worker, not learner, than you would be maskim she should not go to college?

Its important for both spouses to have the possibility of a liveable wage.

My father got very ill when I was a few years old. My mother went back to work – her health care is what kept my family from going bankrupt. Then, when he died, it meant there was food on the table.

HRH, if she does not plan on marrying a long-term learner? preferably, no college.

Really, this all boils down to your personality. Guys tend to react to body language..but 1 thing is clear: the fact that you ask this question shows you are not flurting and have been businesslike since the beginning. As long as you aren’t somewhat playful, you will stay out of trouble and be respected at the same time. Good luck!