How to Deal with a Request for a Shidduch Picture

Purim really IS coming!!!!!!!

DY: it’s a very painful subject for me, am I the only parent here who’s son doesn’t accept any parental

Opinion??

The Talmud says those who marry for money will have unworthy children. Money should not be any consideration in a shidduch. Anything could happen at any moment – the poor could earn their merit and become wealthy. The rich could lose what they have. Don’t the gedolim warm not to rejoice too much – who knows what your aveiras could cause to happen next week.

Speaking of which, are you mad?

This $400k dollar marriage startup, were you joking? Were you serious? You would spend a vast fortune like that? There is a man in my community who can’t work a job. He’s starving for food each week. You can see he is a reincarnation and that’s his punishment – might have been a slanderer or arrogant last lifetime. But now, he is completely and utterly dependent on people’s charity. And I heard he’s doing chemo now so where is he going to eat?

And you would spend hundreds of thousands. Please tell me you were only joking….

If not… They say the test of wealth is harder than the test of poverty.

As for the son of a Rosh Yeshiva, well… so what. You don’t know what favour a simple unassuming man has in the regard of Heaven. Appearances are nothing. I have seen Torah scholars with shirts tucked out, or putting a chumash under a siddur, or flicking a sefer closed instead of gently closing it. And I have seen women in mini pants asking when a meat dinner is because she had pizza for lunch.

The best to look for is not necessarily education but middos – does he offer hospitality, does he have anger inside him or is he quick to forgive? These are a man inside his heart. Knowledge and familial connection are external and superficial.

And what’s this RUBBISH about showing off a pic to the family?! Gossip? Talking about someone behind their back? The Chofetz Chaim has volumes to say about that. Are those women bored with their time? The conversation will be banal and devarim bateilim. Empty talk.

And of course you give the dating man a pic of the lady. They swap pics of each other. That’s normal.

Send her baby picture. this way they can see what the Einikel will look like 🙂

Excellent trolling by Excellence. (I think.)

Appearances are nothing. I have seen Torah scholars with shirts tucked out, or putting a chumash under a siddur, or flicking a sefer closed instead of gently closing it.

The first “or” might have been a mistake. Either way, an untucked shirt

is apparently either supposed to be a sign of excellence or something on a level with putting a Chumash under a Siddur* or flicking a sefer closed instead of gently closing it.** I don’t like either of those options, so I’d prefer not to believe that post was sincere. (Actually, the second one doesn’t sound too far off.)

*

Don’t many Siddurim have the weekday leining in the back?

Is it still a problem to put such a Siddur on top of a Chumash?

**

Not bakavodik, to be sure, but how serious a violation

of halacha is it? (Also, familiarity breeds contempt, as they say…)

Yes I can, DY.

He already went out with her.

DaasYochid, just skimmed through this thread – since when do you troll?! (Not that you’re half-bad, btw 😉 )

I think they should save some of the $400K for the divorce attorney!

In my opinion its the shaddchanim who are so busy “selling girls” that they dont hesitate to lie to your face just so you’ll accept the date and waste Hours of your time… yea.. its those people you should be upset at…

Middos, oddly enough, can also be a little subjective. Here is an example. A guy is a strong leader, self-assured, runs a business with seichel and confidence (not arrogance). His leadership ability is admired. A WOMAN does the very same thing – she is a tough cookie.

I have no love for Hillary Clinton. NONE. But from what I have heard on the news, what she did with her email account was also done by John Kerry (unless the reports really were grossly inaccurate), and there was no brouhaha over him. So I think that what is perceived as improper action (bad middah) by one, may not necessarily be viewed that way in someone else, who seems to get a pass.

And yes, there are CERTAIN traits that are inarguably good or bad middos.

Not “CERTAIN” traits, oomis, only one–

Me’od me’od hevei sh’fal ruach.

Other than that, find the middle ground.

But I digress. The subject was pictures. So I’m handing the floor back to you.

(I think what I meant was that I was writing about relying on a description. Someone’s middos can be described, and you then know

what their middos are (so far as the information was accurate),

but a description of looks isn’t nearly, if at all, as helpful.)

i don’t need a pic, and only charge $300k

You also need to give your social security number to get your drivers license.

How is it any different than a driver’s license picture? You need a license to drive, and a license has a picture. You need a resume to date and a resume has a picture. “

So Popa, now you want the GOVERNMENT involved in our shidduchim??????

Go with the flow and supply a good photograph:- Remember:- A picture is worth 1000 words. It is this simple! Period!

A picture might be worth 1000 words, but if your teacher asked for a 1000 word essay and you turned in a picture you would get a zero.

So there are now a whole bunch of WhatsApp shidduch groups and the like where resumes are sent out to hundreds of people all over the world. Besides wondering why someone would actually agree to do that with their daughter’s picture…I have no interest in sharing mine. I have worked with shadchanim who have said that it is perfectly acceptable to refuse but these groups were pretty insistent and said they won’t work with me.

So here’s the question. I don’t care if they won’t work with me, Hashem isn’t limited to phones and internet. But what if someone sends me a random resume they got off the group that they think would be great for my kid? If they won’t redt the shidduch can I just take the name elsewhere? Do they have copyright or something?

It depends. If you’ve already arranged to meet, and you’re meeting in a public space, a picture can help you find the person you’re supposed to meet.

We have made 3 shidduchim without ever asking to see a photo of the girl. If asked for a photo of my daughter my response would be to ask for a photo of the boy.

umm, can anyone explain why having a picture of the boy on his resume is merely not unheard of but having a picture of the girl on her resume is somewhere between common and expected? why the discrepancy??