Home › Forums › Shidduchim › How to break up (the shidduch way)
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September 2, 2013 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm #610510onitMember
How do you breakup the shidduch way –if you’ve gone out for a while?
How fast do you move on to the next guy (I heard of him -he gave a yes-while I was busy?
Will I keep on comparing them?
September 2, 2013 4:53 pm at 4:53 pm #972931pou_bearMemberIf you are doing it the shidduch way than you would go through the shadchan which is a big part of making our life less complicated when things don’t work out. However if you dated a while and are/was emotionally invested I believe the right thing to do is speak to him directly (over the phone will probably be easier then face to face)
I was on the other side of your story. The guy called me to break it off and gave his reasons. I was terribly hurt but took it with grace and thanked Hashem for a while after (and still today) that it didn’t work out.
Comparing is a natural normal thing which can be good in helping you build a healthy relationship but can also be destructive. Because you dated this guy for a while you will definitely be doing a lot of comparing. If you give yourself time before you meet someone else the less likely the comparing will be destructive.
Good Luck!
September 2, 2013 5:09 pm at 5:09 pm #972932onitMemberWe dated a while (not so emotionally invested–the prob. was we weren’t connecting emotionally- it was like we were at a plateau!
I’ll prob. end up comparing them but I am totally ready to move on (I hope it’ll be the right one, if he is I’ll really appreciate him)
September 2, 2013 10:43 pm at 10:43 pm #972933onitMemberAnyone know what to look out for in terms of making sure your not constantly comparing and forgetting which guy is which??
September 3, 2013 1:14 pm at 1:14 pm #972934Veltz MeshugenerMemberI was married for three years, and when it seemed that it was unlikely to work out, I called the shadchan and had her text my wife. Meanwhile, I was on a plane to Chicago because I had been set up with a girl that sounded incredible – wealthy, beautiful, and smart, while at the same time down to earth and torah-dik.
September 3, 2013 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #972935onitMemberlol, nice!
September 3, 2013 5:34 pm at 5:34 pm #972936golferParticipantVeltz m, I almost laughed at your post, but I choked down the laughter and some of it escaped in a brief snort-giggle.
I choked it down because your post is, unfortunately, more true to life than it should be. The phenomenon of the texting shadchan leaving a miserable trail of hurt feelings in her wake is becoming way too common. The get by text can’t be far behind, or can it?
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