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I am moving a side discussion here from another thread.
Imaofthree said I am taking a break from trying to make shidduchim. So tired of being asked by the mother of the boy “Is the girl skinny”? Their very first question and their main priority. The girls don’t ask if the boy is skinny!
yashrus 20 responded its better for the girl that she doesnt get said no to after the first date. If a guys mother asks then thats what he wants. Making him go on a date blindly isnt going to help anybody.
So I’m taking a poll of how many times in your dating career you did “one and done” based on looks.
For me it was twice. And one time, the shadchan should have known better, and I told him as much afterward.
Popa-sry thats confidential lol..based on my answer some shaddchanim might guess who i am. But being that im like 65 yrs old its not so bad in ratio:)
I did it once.
Imaofthree- Whether you like it or not, wake up to reality. Guys want a girl that is pretty. If he doesnt think so when he first meets her, he is not going to try to develop a relationship and hope love will be blind. Im not saying its right, but thats just the way it is and you will not be able to change it by complaining about it.
Notice its girls who get upset at this. from your perspective your right, but the other half of the world are men. Its the way hashem made us..we care more about looks than you.
lol popa you rock!!I dont know though..some guys have what to care about. 🙂 (there is noway the mods are letting this:)
This mod feels like he’s missing a joke, but will let this through until someone complains.
Lol Translation- Whoever yashrus20 is thinks hes so good looking that he like a girl has what to care about.
2 years ago the mods were very strict..this is what happens when you get to involved with the kids in the coffee room..hashpah.:)
I am a guy and the one girl I ever dated turned me down because of looks. Go figure.
I can understand that sometimes,and just one date, either side feels there is no point in a 2nd date. But to sum up the idea in a quick quip?
That’s hurtful. We are talking about 2 human beings with feelings. Ok, you have to part ways, but do so with a sigh, not a sneer.
BPT-Wooo! nobody does it with a sneer..I gently press the send button to the shaddchan “DOA”.
If you SEE the person and don’t find him/her attractive that is one thing, but not even dating the person based on SOMEONE ELSE’s opinion is just plain stupid….
Popa- even asking what size she wears is not necessarily a good question. A girl can be skinny, and pretty, but if she is tall (which often means she may be broader) she might have a bigger dress size. Besides for the fact that I think it is a disgusting question to ask anyway…. And no one really knows the answer besides the girl herself….
Every girl should have a picture on their resume..that would solve everything! Moms wont ask about looks.
I am 5’4″, size 0-2 and pretty. A few shadchanim complimented me on my looks and they told me they have the perfect boy that wants a pretty girl. Yet, I barely get any dates.. can someone please explain that?
Bouncy-What are you looking for? If learning can you support.
yea bh I can support…but this thread has nothing to do about support but on looks and size..and I dont wanna brag or show off but I got both of those and no dates!!!
Well do the shaddchanim tell you why you dont get dates. Because if everything is normal with you…you should be getting dates
To all you fat ppl who are jealous of us skinny girls, i got turned down by a boy for being too skinny;)
I don’t understand how skinny means pretty. I would understand if the mother ask if the girl is pretty, nice looking. a girl could be thin and not attractive.
Bouncy
Are you sure your references are doing you justice?
Maybe this could help: If the girl is red from someone random, we look at the resume. The resume has to be solid. written well. Good schools (especially seminary). Support has to be good. Then we check personality and looks. All this to see if the outline is good…than we dig for dirt.
The only way personality and looks helps GET dates is if the boy knows of you or the person redding it.
yashrus: You have a good sense of humor.
Thanks, have anyone for me:)
bouncy, would you go out with someone who is really fat, because I think popa is looking for someone with your description…
i think its funny that you found a girl on here who on paper is “gorgeous” (im not insulting, just commenting), and everyone is all of a sudden so concerned why she doesnt get dates. you know nothing else about this girl, except that she can bh support, and have no idea; a. where shes holding; b. what else it says on her resume; and c. anything about HER. so why do you have any idea whether she should be getting dates? o. cuz shes skinny and pretty. i forgot.
Toi, that is the way of the world, people will worry more about finding dates for pretty girls who they don’t know at all then finding dates for girls who they know well, know that she has other good qualities etc.
Perhaps this is one of those things that everybody knows but doesn’t realize until it is pointed out, like the beginning of mesilas yesharim. If people would just think for a minute and realize what they are doing they should realize that there are many singles who they know well who they are not doing any hishtadlus for. If you are honest with yourself and ask yourself what the reason is you will quickly realize that your brain has very strange priorities
There’s a lot that goes into shidduchim besides dress size. Looks/appearance is based on overall presentation, which includes dress (not size, but whether style is complimentary), communication style(whiny complaining or shrill voices don’t cut it), confidence (posture/how a person holds themselves)…
A girl who’s average weight, not super thin, but dresses very well, is warm engaging and outgoing, and stands with great posture (took ballet, is graceful), will turn more heads and invite more opportunities.
A girl who isn’t obese, but her hair has no style, she dresses like a much older woman will rarely invite offers for dates.
There’s nothing wrong with turning down a shidduch because of lack of attraction. Personally, I think it’s ridiculously shallow to decide to only be attracted to ultra skinny girls. It’s even sadder for the future wives of these men who then have to spend their lives trying to live up to an image. I don’t buy that it’s how men are built (only attracted to size 2’s). I think it’s an indulgence that some men allow themselves. Have a talk with Rabbi Goldwasser who counsels women with eating disorders, and see how fast he tells the guys that that belief is nurishkeit.
Are there any guys out there who see looks/appearance not as a necessity and requirement, but as a bonus?
often, it is the mother who cares more than the boy
Why do the mothers care so much? I want to understand their reasoning.
bpt:
i know this is off topic, but just wanted to say that i always look forward to your posts. i really like virtually all that you contribute, and the way in which you say it. a gut kvitel to you and your family, and thanks for all the wisdom that you share!
To me, the only “requirements” are: She should be sweet, kind, and positive. Nothing else is as important as those things to me. Granted, other things are nice to have, too. But not that important.
No one should reject a shidduch suggestion if they hear that the girl isn’t a knockout or maybe is a size 6 and not a size 2. Looks are definitely important but physical attraction can set in after you get to know the person better.
pba, in all honesty: never. Then again, I haven’t dated too many girls yet.
i agree totally its the mothers that need the skinny beautiful daughter in law to hold up like a trophy they r the ones asking for it screaning the calls looking at the pictures and or meeting the girl first
what “good boy” knows or should know dress size skinny…thats not whats gonna make a good wife or mother thats marring to be nice a “barbie doll”
So I’m taking a poll of how many times in your dating career you did “one and done” based on looks.
Never. But then again, considering the fact that I married the second girl I ever dated, I suppose I don’t really count.
The Wolf
No offense, but are all moms this…ridiculous? The girl’s not even married to the guy yet and she’s already under unnecessary stress. Seriously…I can’t believe people are okay with all of this. If most girls have to deal with a MIL who wants them to be this perfect thing…I won’t even say it.
Can someone PLEASE explain the reasoning behind it? Maybe I’m just too unintelligent. Or hopefully this is all a joke.
MP, I’m not surprised about your “requirements.” Hopefully more guys think the way you do, and are not scared to admit it.
truth is im already married and i didnt know that a 6 wasnt skinny. go figure darn it.
“look forward to your posts”
Thanks, P, Peeve. I’m up for re-election this year, and may be in the market for a PR firm. If it comes to that, you’re hired!
” a size 2 “
A size 2? Check her birth certificate. Its quite possible, she is only 11 years old.
Toss her back into the pond and let her grow to full size.
Trust me. Anything less than a size 8, and she’ll be no fun at all. And a lousy cook to boot.
I understand if guys aren’t attracted to an overweight woman, but only wanting to go out with really skinny? is that true? Are average sized girls considered fat? Don’t they realize that once women get pregnant they aren’t a size 4 anymore and may have a hard time getting back to that?
I also don’t understand why people tend to set up the girls with the fancier clothing and better style. I happen to not be into that stuff so much. Honestly, I dress nicely everyday, but it’s not shabbos clothes during the week, yet other girls who I know who wear beautiful sweaters everyday of the week(which are fancy enough for shabbos), people look at them as being more put together and more frum and better people. Sometimes I feel as if I should dress for Shabbos everyday just so that I could get set up.
Mods-All these recent posts are hinting if not out right prust. This is the yeshiva world, and we shouldent be talking dress sizes. What BPT just wrote really bothered me..please..i think you know you should close this thread.
Bpt-
Pressing the Like Button on that last post. Or the Love Button. Your call.
Really, it all boils down to what is truly attractive to the boy in question. What I feel very strongly about -is that personality is what attracts people to each other. Not superficial looks (although they can help -to a point). So where does doing the “one and done” without getting to know the other person on a more deeper level come into play?
YO MODERATERS! just trying to get your attention just in case you skimmed the last few posts:). Why are you allowing this thread to stay open?
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