How could a girl ever have a bad date?

“She doesn’t even have to think where to go” wait is Joseph saying that usually women do have the ability and right to speak??

Joseph, I hope you are kidding and just trolling. If not you seriously need help.

You must be new here. Welcome 🙂

Joseph: Very simple, the boy could be:

1. Boring
2. Unattractive
3. Non-communicative
4. non-mentshlich

Thinking back to my dating days over 30 years ago, I had my share of bad dates. I also believed that a number of the girls I dated did not think we had a good date.

Maybe you had to much to eat and drink at CTL’s daughters chasunah!

dovrosenbaum,

It’s like most other things in life. Men get the short end of the stick.

Ugh, more whining. Sorry you have to wake up early to say shelo asani isha, had to learn Torah on Sundays in high school, or whatever else makes you feel aggrieved.

The girl sits there, orders food and doesn’t pay,

If this really bothers you, then let her know that she’ll need to pay for her food. Nobody’s forcing you to pay for anything.

and generally could care less about the guy; she cares about his looks, his status or parnassa, etc.

Seems like you couldn’t care less about “the gal” either. You might get better results from your dating if you didn’t start out hating her guts because she’s female.

Joseph sounds like a real male chauvinist. I, too, have been married quite a long time BH. If my daughter would be set up with a guy with Joseph’s attitude, I’d nix it in a millisecond. Any girl you date just may be the one you choose to be your wife and mother of your children. As such, she deserves respect and consideration. We have all had dates where we knew immediately that it wasn’t a good match, but yet, you took the girl out and behaved like a gentleman. If you don’t, the word will get around. And Guys, contrary to what you think about yourself, or what your mommy or rebbie told you, you are not G-d’s gift to humanity.
The girl takes the time to look presentable, you should too. I don’t care if you wear a hat or white shirt, but dress mentchlich. If you don’t have a beard, shave for the date.

I’m not complaining whatsoever…I’m inquiring why any girl would complain.

They don’t complain. They just inquire why dating is so hard.

Joseph and Yekke2 are both right so maybe the Chassidish way is better – just meet in the parents or the shadchan’s home. No deciding where to go etc and the girl is not expected to arrive as though she is a film star.

“Getting dressed for a free meal at a nice restaurant is worth getting dressed even if the date turns out to be a dud. At least she got a nice meal that was paid for her.”

Restaurants on a date???!!!! Are you modern or something????That sounds like the height of pritzus to me!! (https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/is-dating-tznius 🙂

Yekke2: “Because, on the negative side, the emotional investment a girl goes through is tenfold that of a man. And that’s just while deciding what to wear.”

lol. +1

Joseph,

Read the OP again. I’m not complaining whatsoever.

Then your entire first paragraph is superfluous.

Joseph,

what’s so geferlech if instead of him driving she drives or if she supplies the car or they take an Uber or car service? Is that really the end of the world?

Certainly not, but the polite thing for him to do is to inform his date in advance.

LU: In my day (30 years ago) taking date to a restaurant was “normal” even in yeshivish circles. It is not pretzus.

“In my day (30 years ago) taking date to a restaurant was “normal” even in yeshivish circles. It is not pretzus.”

My comment was meant “tongue in cheek” (that’s why I put a smiley, because I didn’t want anyone to think I meant it and that I was, c”v, criticizing people who go to restaurants on dates).

I was saying that to Joseph because he has come out against people doing things on dates, as seen in the thread I linked as well as his above response.

And btw, if you check out that thread, you’ll see that I came out in favor of people doing stuff on dates.

Actually, the reason I prefer to do things on dates is precisely because of the OP’s reasoning – if you do something fun on a date, it is harder to have a bad date. The reason why most of my dates are bad is because we don’t do anything, so if you don’t like the guy, it is just a waste of time and energy.

I would be able to go out more often if the guys I went out with actually took me to restaurants or to somewhere fun.

I guess chivalry doesn’t exist anymore. You are looking for your future wife, the mother of your children! You should be putting her on a pedestal and treating her like a queen. Girls fo through just to GET a date, when the FINALLY happens , the prep starts. What to wear, clothing, shoes, jewelry, makeup, hair….what’s the weather going to be like, is he short, can I wear heels, is it casual or fancy……the list goes on and on. The amount of time and effort put in goes WAY beyond what you have to do. Now one one says that you can’t decide WITH the girl where to go…etc
Bottom line, treat her right, even if she’s not for you, because someday, you’ll be glad you did and just wish you did more! 😀

Is this a joke?? Clearly a man wrote this article! The girl has to have anxiety of meeting a stranger, going to an unknown place. Looking perfect, spending money on clothing, shoes and makeup. This post is seriously ridiculous. The girl has to have her picture yet the boy can just submit his resume. This post is so upsetting , biased and uninformed.

Joseph- in my former dating experiences there were plenty of times that
the guy did not clean his car…
or it reeked of cigarette smoke…
or he drove like a maniac and I was scared for my life…
or the AC leaked on my feet so I could not put them down in front of me, and when I said something, he turned the AC lower only to turn it up again shortly afterwards…

or the OOT guy who had absolutely no plans for the evening, and turns to me, where should we go? Then he proceeds to tell me about all the wonderful tourist places he had been to that day…

or the guy who calls me an hour after he was supposed to meet me to explain that he will be late since someone in shul asked him to help him with something, and this was a date that had already been rescheduled after he previously canceled it just a few hours before it was supposed to take place.

or the one who started yelling at me for being nosy when i innocently asked him to tell me about his siblings…

or the one who interrogated me and argued about how I could possibly be a good mother, and then when he asked me out again at the end of the date, and I (diplomatically) said that I have to think about it and rather go through the shadchan, he yelled at me for wasting his time.

or…well you get the idea.
So yes, a girl can have a bad date.

Joseph,

why would you have wanted him to not say no if he truly was a boor who was a bore smelling like a boar?

I can’t speak for Nechomah, but probably because it added insult to injury.

Dr Pepper, anyone?

Joseph,

But (correctly) using that criteria you should also be frustrated and disappointed that your date wasn’t the right person for you even if he/she was a very nice refined Yid.

Two points:

1. There is a much higher potential for a very nice refined Yid to be the right person. A good marriage is based more on a constant, conscious choice to commit oneself to Hashem and his/her spouse than checking off every random box on a list, or some hocus pocus concept of “besheret”.

2. Even if the nice refined Yid was definitely not the right person, despite the frustration and disappointment, there is more hope for the next date than if the previous date was a dud.

I think Joseph’s point is that on the shidduch itself it can be harder for the boy than for the girl. He has the stress of driving which is always much worse when there’s someone else in the car, particularly a shiduch. Since he arranged it he mentally takes achrayus for the success of the venue and that she should like it. And the worry that the condition of his car won’t put her off.

It is true the girl also has to worry about how she looks and dresses and what she says, however those are the very things which the whole purpose of the shidduch is to ascertain. If the boy only needed to worry about the main relevant points then it would be like with like. However I hope that the success of the shidduch doesn’t depend on how he drives on a shidduch, so this is secondary, and he has all these zeitige secondary daagos dumped on his head alone. How is a quieter boy supposed to juggle all these things while also maintaining scintillating conversation. A quieter girl doesn’t have to worry about any of these things while on the actual shidduch, and the things she worries about before the shidduch are things which are “the etzem zach”.