height in shidduchim

As someone who is 6’4″, if the girl is taller than me, kol hakavod.

my wife is a foot shorter than me, I don’t care and no-one else should!

When you first start dating this is a real issue. As you continue to date and really look for your bashert, you come to realize that this is really NOT what is important. Hashem has no intention of always putting Barbie together with Ken.

off hand I know 3 couples whom the wife is taller than the hubby. they are perfectly happy.

I know a couple that the wife is older and taller than the husband and they are very happy. Yet, at the beginning. when my parents look into any shidduch, they do inquire about height and weight.

My dad was shorter than my mom. It didn’t hurt them any. Thatbeing said, there is short and there is short. My daughter is 5’2″. She is simply not comfortable with a guy who is shorter than 5’7″ or so. She lieks to wear high heelsand feels awkward when she is at eye level talking to her date. She HAS gone out with several guys who were around her height, and she really felt awkward with them. You cannot fault someone for what is or is not attractive.

When you speak about the weight issue, a little overweight is not the same as someone who is obese. The problem also is that our society has determined that a girl is not attractive unless she is nearly emaciated. if you would look at old movies with Marilyn Monroe,Jane Russell, Sophia Loren etc. women who were undeniably attractive, none of them was a skinny mini. Lucille Ball who was a beautiful woman, was an admitted Size 12-14. If she were a young frum woman today, do you think based on today’s standards she would be redt any shidduchim?

So guys seem to have truly unrealistic values regarding weight and size. Girls who are a size 0-2 are probably not much fun to take out for a meal, anyway. The bottom line (no pun intended) is that we have to be less concerned with numbers, and more concerned with the total package. Some girls who could stand to lose a little weight, can make awfully amazing wives and mothers. And that skinny girl can get fat, too.

“off hand I know 3 couples whom the wife is taller than the hubby. they are perfectly happy”

No one is saying that you cant be happy with a guy shorter than you, its an individual preference.

I went out w one guy who was the same height as me… I felt like I was on a date w my 10 year old brother. I need a guy I can look up to, actually and figuratively.

I think the whole height issue is strange. Who cares about height? Does he have middos? Is he what you are looking for in a husband? ok then go out with him. who cares how tall he is. Im 5 feet and the shadchanim always say well do you care if he is 5’6 or 6 feet. I say I don’t care because someone’s height you can get over, but if a boy doesn’t have middos then that is a problem. Sometimes it bothers me in which order the questions are asked. I think we lost sight of what’s important.

ok maybe I don’t have the same problem as taller girls but still I think that other things are more important

Attraction is a part of marriage.

I find short men “half-men” – I can’t help it. I know plenty of short, wonderful men, but I could never have married one of them.

height is a big factor in everybodys mind but in reality its not such a big deal thats why tgere are so many marriages where the guy is a foot taller, or the girl is a little taller

SJS

I dont know that I think of them as “half men” as you put it.

I know of plenty good looking guys who are around 5’8”… It’s too bad that they are shorter than me.

BTW, most men arent secure enough in their masculinity to date a girl taller than them, so it goes both ways.

pet peeve- I guess you are right. I don’t know how they feel.

aries

I am sorry you feel disheartened.

where have all the tall yeshiva bochrim gone? Been to a wedding lately they all seem so short.

The question isn’t if they’re tall or short its if the boy are tall enough for the girl

I don’t think it is sheer stupidity or anything other than not giving shorter guys the opportunity to “wow” you with their personality, charm, good looks, good midos, good manners, etc. How would you know that you are uncomfortable if you don’t give a guy a chance? And what makes you think you would NOT be a attracted to someone that is shorter than you JUST because he is shorter than you. Would a not so handsome man who is taller than you but not so up there in all other mailahs be more attractive than a shorter guy will ALL other mailahs? How do you know that you would not rearrange your list of priorities if you met the right man?

More so, how will you ever realize that your priorities are not in the right order if you don’t give these guys a chance?

aries

Its not even a matter of attraction, believe me. I have met some good looking short guys! Its a matter of COMFORT. Although its not exactly the same thing but this is the best way I can describe it, would you be ok going out w a guy w one arm? How about a guy who is deaf? blind? Obviously these examples are more extreme but there is a certain comfort level that you need to be ok with.

Like I said in a previous post, I dated a guy who was the same height as me and I was not comfortable w that, do you think I would be comfortable w someone shorter?!

Sac, I’m short. If a guy is my height, he is practically literally half a man.

I am 5″2, which is short. But I would not say no to a guy who’s short, but at least he should be taller than me. But if let’s say he’s only 5″4, It’s not a reason to say no. I know I’m short, and I cannot be picky and say I only want a 5″10er or taller. It’s just not practical. Short girls get short boys. Not always, but most of the time.

It happens to be my friend is 5 feet and her husband is 6 feet. But she wasn’t looking for a guy that height, just someone at least a drop taller than she is, and she was lucky. But I think it’s crazy to say no to a shidduch just because of height!!! 🙂

miritchka

As I stated in my post it is NOT the same thing, but thats the best way I could describe it in regards to comfort.

My point was that its not a matter of attraction, it is a matter of comfort.

A good family friends son married a wonderful girl w a cochlear implant. We are not talking about any boy, he had every Shadchan running after him promising him rich fathers-in-law (you know the drill) when they say Top Boy In Lakewood, they are talking about him. She was a top girl, exactly what he was looking for, and she happened to have a cochlear implant. I dont know how many boys would be ok with it, for him it wasnt an issue, didnt faze him in the slightest.

IY”H shidduchim should go smoothly for your daughter (and all your children)

Funny this topic should be a thread of its own, as just the other day, I told my Mrs. that if such-and-such is still available when our bp junior is ready to start dating, I’d push real hard to get that shidduch off the ground.

Her response: But she’s taller than he is!

My response: So?

Hard to believe that something that is completely out of the control of either party (and a fact that effects so little in marraige) should be such a huge obstacle.

I’m still gonna try, I’m just gonna have to try harder.

as in most things with shidduchim its no biggie but its blown out of proportion. let them go out and if they like each other theyll forget about the height difference. i think thats how it should be with all small problems.

but if theres a big problem that might be a reason to not go out

believe it or not:

several years ago when my daughter was in shidduchim someone asked me how tall she was, (5’1 1/2″),& then proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t shiach because the boy she was thinking of was 6’1″ & didn’t want so short of a girl!! …obviously, so not beshert! (btw- my dghtr’s husband is 6′).