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BDE unfortanatly me and my family are onens right now as of a short while ago but really dont know many halachos. if anyone knows any, if you can try to just right down anything you know.2 main questions just for particularly right now;
1. what are the exact halachos with the mirror, particularly before the lavya (funeral)
2. being an onen and after the lavya both what are the halachos with trying to listen to music to help sleep???
any help would be greatly apreciated
as for mirrors…when youre an onen your primary concern is the burial of the mes which is why you dont make brochos when you eat…so the mirrors are quite secondary and only apply once youre an avel.
as for music…why would you be an onen long enough? but to answer your question im almost positive that the halachos of availus only apply once the body is buried (or at least after the funeral). as for music to help you fall asleep after the burial…you need to ask your rav about that. everyone is different.
BDE.
There are many excellent sefarim. It’s interesting, I’ve seen this in a few families, that different siblings will get a different psak for questions (e.g. a relative who got married during sheloshim, one brother shaved, one didn’t, they had to come to a concensus about where to sit, etc.).
You need, and should have a rav. This is uncharted territory for everyone, and not just the first time they go through it, years can pass and people get rusty (not a bad thing; I hope you don’t go through this again for many years).
There is an excellent Artscroll English sefer “Mourning in Halachah” that contains a tremendous amount of halachos and minhagim.For anyone in that situation it’s a must-have. That being said,you must have a Rov to ask shailos to,as there are many situations that can’t be covered in a book,and there are many situations that can and do arise that need hadracha from a Rov.
BDE, so sorry to hear. There are so few halachos, mostly only minhagim. The basics of an one is davening and brachos. There is no availus when you are an onen, so you can shower, cut your nails, wear makeup, sit on normal chairs, listen to music, do anything you would normally do except for davening and brachas.
Boruch Dayan HaEmes. I am so sorry for your loss. Your best move is of course to ask your LOR, but before you reach him, the laws of aveilus apply only after the kevurah. Until then, your thoughts are to be occupied with making plans for the levaya. So no brochos or davening, etc. You may shower before the levaya, and don’t change your shoes to non-leather until after the kevurah. As to music, ask the rov, but perhaps you can find something else equally soothing (like a sound machine or a fan) that can lull you to sleep. I did not listen to music for the year and a half (my parents’ deaths overlapped)of my aveilus. For someone whose PARNASSAH is music, there are exceptions.
unfortunately, was an onen a few months back.
Also, important that the mourners have a shomer with them at all times, during the week of shiva, in the daytime and the night time, inside and outside, and this applies to Shabbat as well.
As far as music, for a mourners for a parent, no music during the year,(unless parnassah is involved). For mourners of a spouse or sibling, no music for 30 days.
I am so sorry, Mazal77 to hear of your loss.
thank you oomis
happym19, hope you get to read this, If this helps, when we give up the things that comfort us and make us comfortable, like listening to music and not showering during the week of shiva, and we suffer and have discomfort, it helps the neshoma of your loved one,to go higher in Shamayim.
To help you sleep, maybe you can try to take melatonin or possibly get a prescription for a sleeping pill. I asked for the latter, (Dr prescribed 7 pills only) I only used 3.
BDE, may you be comforted for your loss and may your loved one be a meilitz yoshar for you and all your family.
As others have stated, whatever questions you may have after the levaya be sure to ask YOUR rav; our father was niftar shortly before Shavuos, and two of us children were told to say yizkor and two of us were told not to.
Ursula and to all it applies, hamokom yinachem eschem b’toch sh’ar Avlei Zion v’Yerushalayim.
BDE, how painful to lose a loved one and someone close. We are just finishing the year for our dear sister A”H and the memories are coming back like a tsunami(not only of her but of others we already lost). Who can even think of going to sleep. Anyway, it is important to consult with your Rav and follow his derech. If you live in NYC, you can at anytime call 1845HALACHA and there is a dayan(both Yiddish and English available) on call at all times. May you no of no more sorrow. ….and remember we at the CF are almost always available, if not one member then another.
MS Critique – I am sorry for your loss, as well. May your sister’s neshama have an aliyah.
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