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Some people do cook and do need to know these halachos right now.
Sparkly
Every family throughout the year makes a small chanuka party or summer get together etc… And lots make a quick easy buffet with sterno racks or other Simchas with them and lots of times warmers are needed for storage space
You don’t need to make a Simcha to come to using stereo racks
Keep strong with your family. They are the first ones to help someone in their time of need 24/7 and then of course are your CR friends who are there for you 20/6
“how would i know if i would hit it off with her?”
Well you both say the exact same things, and use the exact same terminology, and think the exact same things, and ask the exact same questions, and are at the exact same stage in life, and have the exact same plans for life.
Truth is, you probably wouldn’t get along very well. You two are way too similar.
Mashiach Agent,
Are you asking about whether a sterno/warmer could be a problem of bishul akum?
If yes, once the food is cooked ?????????? ???? ?????????? (i.e. 1/3 cooked) by a Jew, a non-Jew can finish the cooking. Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 113:8.
Sparkly
Regarding your question of shirts
Some MO people wear color shirts on shabbos it just doesn’t look as shabbosdik
Colored shirts are otd
But seriously, with the exceptions of a few basic rules about what must be covered, the way one should dress, whether on Shabbos or during the week is completely based on minhag. There are many places where it would be inappropriate to show up in shul in anything other than a suit. On the other hand, there are places in the world where one would look very foolish wearing a suit in shul, and it would therefore be inappropriate to do so.
No halacha sefer will give a blanket statement about what color shirts are acceptable.
That’s funny Menno. we were recently on vacation in Northern Israel on a frum moshav. It wasn’t exactly what we were used to in our hometown. My husband was definitely the only suit in shul, which was ironic, because we actually had forgotten to take the suit bag when we started out on the trip, but had to go back home for some other reason, and then remembered it the second time. Guess it would not have been so tragic had we left it afterall. My little boys, in their white shirts and dark pants, couldn’t understand how the kids were wearing regular polos like they would wear to school, or even less formal clothing. I tried to explain that the point is to wear something more dressy l’chavid shabbos than you would normally wear, and these kids probably wore other things during the week that they consider more casual.
Sparkly: “i dont know anyone who posts and so i dont know her. how would i know if i would hit it off with her?”
I meant hitting off with her here on the CR, if she was still posting.
If you go back and read her old posts, I think you would see that you have lots in common, and it would be very interesting to see a CR discussion between the 2 of you.
No, it’s not ok. One needs a lot of bracha and siyata dishmaya for dating and for marriage, I don’t think that deception and potentially hurting your older sibling is the best way to bring that bracha into your life.
That said, although I know that some communities would never skip and marry kids out of order, I personally don’t feel it is right to hold back younger siblings when older ones have not yet gotten married, since then the younger siblings might have a hard time getting married if they wait and miss out on the prime dating years. But it has to be done with sensitivity, and with the permission of the older sibling and parents.
speak to your personal rabbi for advice on how to go about it step by step & IY”H when you become a Kallah your parents will be very happy for you even if it means you did it behind them or skipped a sibling older then you
Sparkly, this is probably the most important question you have asked on the CR, and it is really hard to answer it without knowing you, your parents, your older sibling, the reasons why your parents want you to wait, etc etc. I know people in this situation who consulted with their Rav, and then decided on a deadline- wait until x-(an age, time of the year, etc) to see if the older sibling will get engaged. If not, then the younger can start. This way the younger sibling does not wait indefinitely, but it is still respecting the older one.
while most non-chasidish girls will start dating after their year in seminary, at around 19, or 20, 21 is not that much more. You had a head start since you started college younger than most, you have been feeling like an adult for longer. I know that 21 can feel very old- I remember feeling very old when I was 21 and not yet married- but objectively, it is not. Starting to date at 21/22 is really not that old, only slightly behind everyone else, and you would have the advantage of having finished the first stage of your education, and bringing a more mature form of yourself to the next important stage of life.
It sounds from what you are saying that your parents are not expecting you to wait for your sibling no matter how long, but just to wait another year. They know you better than we do, so maybe you should trust them on this. And if you feel that it is very unreasonable, then turn to another adult who knows you and your family well (not just a rav giving a shiur, but someone who you can really talk to) to give you an objective opinion and if needed, intercede on your behalf with your parents.
And by the way, while you are waiting to start shadchan-style dating, you don’t need to hang out with guys.
Don’t go behind your parents’ back to get married.
I’ve heard of cases where parents didn’t attend their child’s wedding.
You don’t want that.
First you have to figure out who you are, understand yourself, your strong points, your weak points, and what your goals are. What sort of home to do you want?
Then you have to think about what you want in a husband, what are the qualifications in a husband that you must absolutely have, what are the things that are nice to have, but can be compromised on, what are the things that don’t matter very much, and what things would be a “deal breaker” (I imagine smoking would fall into this category for you).
These are very big questions, answers are not always easy. Best to figure this out with the help of wiser adults who know you well- like YOUR PARENTS, or mentor/teacher. There are also dating coaches who can help you work these things out.
When you know who you are and what you are looking for, then you can approach shadchanim, or friends, or anyone who may know guys of that type, describe what you are looking for, and IY”H someone will know a guy who fits the bill and set you up.
if he is your boyfriend & your sure you know enough about him already then its fine & should be safe to date him, but if you recently started know ing him then its best to get honest information about him first-either from a shadchan that knows him or from someone else that knows him for many years-before starting to date im seriously & heading towards marriage.
May Hashem guide you in the right direction & send you to the right people for advice on the issues needed
Sparkly, I was giving general advice on how to approach the parsha of dating, not referring to one particular guy. The advice still holds even if someone already suggested a guy to you, especially since the suggestion is not relevant now.
If you meet on your own and set up your own date, it is not exactly a shidduch date, which by definition means that there was a shadchan who set you up, a certain amount of pre-dating research, and then the shadchan acts as the go-between. Shidduch dating refers to how it is set up and carried through, not by the behavior on the date. I hope that you keep all the halachos and date tniusdikly no matter how you meet the guy.
If you have an idea of someone you want to date, then you can approach someone who knows you both and ask them to set it up and act as the go-between.
But please, as I said before, do this with your parents’ consent!!!
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