- This topic has 15 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 8 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
After going out several times, I ended the shidduch. I feel bad that I said no because I know that the other party was very interested. I know I made the right decision and I have no regrets. The shidduch was not for meant for me. Should I feel guilty for ending it? Maybe I led the other party on to think I was enjoying myself and that maybe it was shayach. I don’t like to hurt anyone and I feel bad. Anyone have any insights or eitzas on this matter?
Ofcourse it will be hard for the other party, but it was positive in the long run. My opinion is that it is better to break an engagement (however embarresing) than divorcing with kids…
If your not interested, no reason to go further. you made the right decision by ending it where you felt you had to end it. I have dealt with a number of shidduchim. I’m no proffessional shadchan however I can tell you after saying no to an interested party, I cannot tell you how many times this has happened time and time again. sth better has come up for them. and they are very greatful the last one ended. It’s natural for both parties to feel pulled on both ends -in different ways, of course. however that being said whatever is meant to be is absolutely meant for the best! If you daven to hashem for clarity you can’t go wrong -have confidence in your emunah and you won’t go wrong. don’t know if you got that last line.. but I hope it helps.
Hatzlocha Raba. may your personal redemtion be upon you bekorov! AMEN!
Yiddishe Zach, Your pofile doesn’t come up on YWN… can you post the link to your profile.
thanks.
Yedishazach— I understand saying no to an interested party is hard and like u mentiond can make you feel bad. Natural. Normal. In fact it shows a sensitivity of you to care that the other party may have felt by ur decision.
However, you should realize that its extremely short, people get over it quickly once it settles in their mind that if the date didnt feel its right obviously they’re not the one he or she is meant to marry.
Secondly, understand that whom you marry is a big desicion and one should never move forward because they can’t say no. So you did the right thing, and no need to feel bad.
Isn’t that the purpose of dating?
Ad’raba. You should feel guilty if you say yes when you shouldn’t. No matter what, as long as you made the right decision it will turn out best for both of you in the long run.
Yiddishe Zach, I kind of don’t understand your guilt, you gave it a fair chance, it’s not like you said no, before even going out. So theres no reason to feel guilty, it’s simply not meant to be. You can’t eat yourself away at it. You’ve made your decision and theres no going back. I’m sure the rejected party has moved on so can you there is No reason to feel bad!
Also what made you decide to go out several times with them? Were you not sure/ did you just feel bad saying no so you kept on going out?
Yidisha Zach, are you a guy or a girl?
you should have said no after 2 dates then, If you had 12 dates and then sadly let them down that is what I would say leading them on. also if you found out negative info before dating the girl or guy, just don’t date them full stop who’s time are you trying to waste and who’s ego are you trying to build? A secind chance is understandable but a 12th chance is leading them on..
Yiddishe Zach, Your pofile doesn’t come up on YWN… can you post the link to your profile.
How is this relevant to the topic.
if you are a sensitive person, you will feel the other person’s pain when you say “no”. But what’s the alternative? Getting married to someone so you don’t hurt their feelings?!?
maybe this relationship will help you be more clear for the future about what really matters to you. It’s good you were honest with yourself.
More 2 i think the op phrased their posts so as not to reveal what gender they are i think its best if we dont probe.
Thanks Coffee Addict;)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.