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I’m searching for general guidelines (not halacha) for my mother hkm”s matzeva.
she was nearly the only surviving member of her extended family after the nazi holocaust (and of her town) and I’m the only frum direct relative. the other matzevos in that cemetery are upright, near the head (meaning writing space is more limited).
the rav said it’s ok to use also english lettering, which I would prefer as some visitors can’t read hebrew.* do I write both parents names at the top (“p”n bas xxx and yyy”)?
* do I mention other relatives individually (in both hebrew and english?? last names too?)
or in a general sense:
IN MEMORY OF HER PARENTS
THEIR PARENTS AND SIBLINGS
WHO WERE MURDERED BY OUR ENEMIES, THEIR BURIAL PLACES UNKNOWNI appreciate any knowledgeable assistance.
Our custom is to mention only the father’s name and mention on the bottom the mother’s name as the name of her mother so and so. WHO SACRIFICED THEIR LIFE AND WERE MURDERED BY THE NAZIS, THEIR BURIAL PLACES ARE UNKNOWN. You can mention their names and relationships individually both hebrew and english.
On the bottom you can write in hebrew תנצב’ה standing for תהי נפשם צרורה בצרור החיים the equivalent of rest in peace.Sole survivors have their family engraved. Sometimes on the back if the stone is upright.
Reb Eliezer: I have never seen that תנצב’ה is the equivalent of RIP. I always thought that ALAV HASHOLOM is the equivalent of RIP.
On the back of my Zaidy’s are the names of his family that was killed.
You are right, ALEHO HASHOLAM would be not to disturb her peace by talking about her. תנצב’ה means to rest in Gan Eden.
Definitely put the names of all her relatives who never had a matzeiva of their own. TNTzBH means may her soul be united with G-d. Whether to put the mother’s name as well as the father’s is your choice; some do both, some do only the father. Certainly if the mother was an important person then she should be mentioned.
I’ve seen two ways to include mother’s name.
1) Include “ו)שם אמה שרה ע״ה )” right before תנצב’ה, right after, or bottom left of matzeva. Saw this on the matzevos for Rav Shimon Schwab ZT”L, Rav Pinchos Hirschprung ZT”L, and Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis A”H. For example: ושם אמה שרה ע״ה . This appears to be the most common approach when mother’s name is included.
2) Include alongside father (ex __ bas Avraham v’Sara). Saw this on the matzevos for Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT”L and Rav Meir Zlotowitz ZT”L.I can provide pictures of the matzevos mentioned if you would like. Please let me know.
Also, ת.נ.צ.ב.ה stands for תהֵא נשמתוֹ צְרוּרָה בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים for an individual and is loosely translated as “May his/her soul be bound up in the bond of life”
the most common way I have seen is on the back or a foot stone, some write it on the bottom, following the names you write Hay yud daled= hashem yekom domoy
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