Home › Forums › Shidduchim › Googling Your Date
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May 18, 2012 1:41 am at 1:41 am #603464avhabenParticipant
Is googling a prospective date, and checking out her facebook pages, due diligence or plain spooky?
May 18, 2012 1:47 am at 1:47 am #1075015SaysMeMemberspooky and just wrong IMO
May 18, 2012 1:50 am at 1:50 am #1075016OneOfManyParticipantIt’s, a little, stalkerish. I think, prospective employers, do it, though.
May 18, 2012 1:54 am at 1:54 am #1075017popa_bar_abbaParticipantdue diligence.
May 18, 2012 1:54 am at 1:54 am #1075018LIVEandLEARNMemberAs a girl, i’d be creeped out. But do what you like.
May 18, 2012 2:05 am at 2:05 am #1075019sheinMemberWhy should it be any worse than calling her friends, referances, rabbis, schoolmates, asking half the town about her, checking out her educational and family history, her tastes, hobbies, chesed work, employment, and yichus.
Checking google and facebook is not only less intrusive than any of the above, but no one even has to know you’ve checked her out online.
May 18, 2012 2:06 am at 2:06 am #1075020Sam2ParticipantI think checking out Facebook is normal. Googling her, not so much.
May 18, 2012 2:07 am at 2:07 am #1075021popa_bar_abbaParticipantI think not googling her, is negligence per se.
May 18, 2012 2:23 am at 2:23 am #1075022sheinMemberInternet Rule #1: If you don’t want the whole world to know something, don’t put it on facebook or anywhere else online.
May 18, 2012 2:25 am at 2:25 am #1075023YW Moderator-42ModeratorHow else will you get a picture?
May 18, 2012 2:57 am at 2:57 am #1075024dhl144Membertotally nothing wrong with googling or facebooking to find out info!!! I f you want to find out some more about the person that is just another way of doing research! what is the big deal that its on the internet?
May 18, 2012 4:09 am at 4:09 am #1075025cinderellaParticipantI once Googled someone- not a prospective shidduch, and found alot of things that she probably would not have wanted anyone to see. Chats she had, pictures she didn’t know were public… It wasn’t very good. But I got what I wanted…
I think it’s okay to Google someone. It’s stalkery to make a fake Facebook account to friend someone you want information on. There is a difference.
May 18, 2012 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #1075026NaysbergMemberOn what grounds would anyone object to being googled? And facebook is only what someone themselves posted to it.
May 18, 2012 9:41 pm at 9:41 pm #1075027yitayningwutParticipantI think it’s okay to Google someone. It’s stalkery to make a fake Facebook account to friend someone you want information on. There is a difference.
maskim
May 20, 2012 3:07 am at 3:07 am #1075028gefenParticipantIf she has a somewhat common name, or even if it’s not (she could have relatives with same name), just make sure you got the right person. You might say I don’t want this girl based on x or y that I read about her, when it’s totally a different person.
May 20, 2012 3:36 pm at 3:36 pm #1075029shmoelMemberI google everyone I know (and lookup their facebook as well.) Family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. It isn’t a big deal.
May 21, 2012 12:37 pm at 12:37 pm #1075030CsarMemberHow can Google differentiate between two people with the same name?
May 21, 2012 2:02 pm at 2:02 pm #1075031mewhoParticipantthe more info, the better
May 21, 2012 10:27 pm at 10:27 pm #1075032FashionableeMemberIsn’t she/he someone you might eventually think of marrying?
December 11, 2014 8:53 pm at 8:53 pm #1075033hashtagposterMember#The other day I was redt to a guy with a nice Jewish name.
I got his resume with no picture. So, I googled him with the place he lives, and got a picture of the most handsome guy I ever saw.
He had a few things hashkafically that I didn’t like, but I kept giving excuses for him, without even consciously realizing why…
L’maaseh, the shadchan sent me a pic the next day, and suffice it to say, it was a far cry…
And, I said no 🙂
We people are shallow, and looks do count for girls and guys!
And I was so relieved after I said no, because Deep down, I knew it wasn’t for em but was blinded by his looks..
So maybe we shouldn’t google them..
But, maybe we should, what if they have a criminal record…
December 11, 2014 9:38 pm at 9:38 pm #1075034Chochom-ibberParticipantUnfortunately it is a necessity these day.
December 11, 2014 10:35 pm at 10:35 pm #1075035STYLE123MemberTheres nothing wrong with doing so
December 11, 2014 10:46 pm at 10:46 pm #1075036bygirl93MemberALWAYS- you never know what you can find out. Always Google, check Facebook, Instagram, twitter, LinkedIn (but make sure your not logged in :O) etc.
You’d be surprised what you can learn about a person
The only thing stalkerish is if you are signed in to linked in (they can see you checked them out) or you make/use a face account to request them if they are on private- that is taking it to far.
December 11, 2014 10:53 pm at 10:53 pm #1075037☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantShould I Google my wife?
December 11, 2014 11:02 pm at 11:02 pm #1075038TheGoqParticipantGoogle the prospective in-laws too, anything that you may discover is no ones business but yours no need to let anyone else know why you said no.
December 11, 2014 11:34 pm at 11:34 pm #1075039golferParticipantHere it is at last!
This thread is the REAL reason for the shidduch crisis.
Attention R’ NASI, R’ Rechnitz (who prefers we refer to it as a shidduch Catastrophe), shadchanim great and small, and last but for sure not least- Singles!
It’s time to throw out your Kol koreis, your (not exactly mathematically astute) calculations of gaps, and your prior notions.
In the olden days and way back when before Al Gore (or whoever it was) discovered the internet, we were not so smart. We didn’t have so much information. We didn’t demand so much information. We didn’t do investigations that would put the the work of the CIA, the Mossad, and the KGB to shame when someone suggested we go on a date. We didn’t have lists and prerequisites and protocols that had to be followed precisely and obsessively before we agreed to meet somebody.
What today’s singles (and their parents) have accomplished with their cleverness is that they’ve outsmarted themselves from finding happiness in marriage.
Which always, since the creation of Chava, required a certain leap of faith. Or, if you prefer, a solid dose of Bitachon.
December 11, 2014 11:36 pm at 11:36 pm #1075040☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantHow does that explain the imbalance?
December 12, 2014 12:03 am at 12:03 am #1075041Patur Aval AssurParticipantI thought Lior solved the imbalance in the other thread when he said
Girls dating pictures helps
If enough girls marry pictures, it should even out the numbers.
December 12, 2014 2:34 am at 2:34 am #1075042JosephParticipantPAA: Please provide the quote with its full sentence as it is out of context the way you chopped off half the comment.
December 12, 2014 2:52 am at 2:52 am #1075043Patur Aval AssurParticipantI don’t think the full sentence affects anything. I wasn’t trying to make you say something you hadn’t said. I was implying that you didn’t write your sentence properly.
Here’s the original sentence:
Girls dating pictures helps, basically, with boys looking for vanity.
It still says that girls are dating pictures. Or alternatively it could be that “dating” is an adjective modifying “pictures” but I don’t think you meant that either. I think if you would have left out the word “dating” it would have expressed exactly what you meant to say.
Don’t think that I’m a grammar critic; I was just making a joke, until you called me out on it.
December 12, 2014 3:35 am at 3:35 am #1075044JosephParticipantI never took you to be the joking type.
December 12, 2014 4:09 am at 4:09 am #1075045Patur Aval AssurParticipantReally? Why ever not?
December 12, 2014 4:13 am at 4:13 am #1075046☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantBecause you don’t use emoticons?
December 12, 2014 4:21 am at 4:21 am #1075047Patur Aval AssurParticipantGood point. There have actually been many times when I wanted to use an emoticon, but I just couldn’t do it. Actually, the vast majority of those times were probably so that you (DaasYochid) wouldn’t take my comments personally.
December 12, 2014 4:36 am at 4:36 am #1075048☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantI wasn’t supposed to take them personally?
December 12, 2014 4:51 am at 4:51 am #1075049Patur Aval AssurParticipantLet me clarify. Since I don’t use emoticons, it is possible that a statement might appear harsh, even though there is no specific attack within the statement. So I’m pointing out that I don’t mean them in a mean way. There have been a few times where I thought that it was VERY possible for my statement to be misunderstood, and I therefore specified that it was not meant as an attack, or I wrote that I would insert an emoticon if I could.
December 12, 2014 4:54 am at 4:54 am #1075050☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantIs that a yes?
December 12, 2014 4:58 am at 4:58 am #1075051Patur Aval AssurParticipantWell are you referring to a specific statement? If I said something three years ago, there’s a chance that I meant it personally. But if it’s something that I said in the past year then it almost definitely was not meant personally. Unless it was something complimentary.
December 12, 2014 5:57 am at 5:57 am #1075052☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantSo is that a no?
December 14, 2014 2:29 am at 2:29 am #1075053oyyoyyoyParticipantPAA- in answer to ur question…HA!
didnt know you had it in you.
December 14, 2014 2:51 am at 2:51 am #1075054Patur Aval AssurParticipantoyyoyyoy:
How does that answer my question?
December 18, 2014 6:41 pm at 6:41 pm #1075056☢️ Rand0m3x 🎲ParticipantLOL at the first paragraph!
I can’t agree to that. If someone else also would not want to go out with the person if they had the same information, shouldn’t they be given it?
That probably depends on the individual case, actually. AYLOR.
(The post is by Patur, mods.)
Joke aside, I don’t see how “dating” could be meant as anything but an adjective for pictures here (it refers to their use), and removing it would not make the sentence correct, as it lacks something to connect “girls” to “pictures.” Either of these would work:
“Girls’ dating pictures help”
“Girls having dating pictures helps”
December 18, 2014 9:54 pm at 9:54 pm #1075057apushatayidParticipant“Girls’ dating pictures help”
“Girls having dating pictures helps”
Guys dating girls would be the biggest help. All these silly dating protocols that do nothing to facilitate boys meeting girls, that have popped up in the last 10-12 years have really done nothing positive.
December 18, 2014 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #1075058Patur Aval AssurParticipantThe post is by Patur, mods.
At first I didn’t realize why you pointed this out but then I remembered:
Anyway, as to the substance of your critique:
The way the sentence was written, it means that girls are dating pictures as opposed to dating boys. Then I suggested that “dating” could be an adjective modifying “pictures” by which I meant that it would be saying that having pictures of girls dating (i.e. a picture of, a girl on a date) would help. Which actually would only make sense if there was an apostrophe. If that’s what you meant, then you are correct. Unless I decide to make this another exception to apostrophe rules (need I link the reference?). When I said that taking out the word “dating” would help, I was subject to the same apostrophe issue. If not for that though, the statement would work.
December 19, 2014 12:27 am at 12:27 am #1075059☢️ Rand0m3x 🎲ParticipantPAA:
One link to that page is enough for me today. 🙂
You can do it for posterity if you want to.
Your defense will be accepted once you come up with a way that “having pictures of girls dating (i.e. a picture of a girl on a date) would help,”
to justify understanding Lior’s statement that way.
December 19, 2014 12:58 am at 12:58 am #1075060☢️ Rand0m3x 🎲ParticipantApushatayid, we were only quoting Lior and discussing
how his sentence should have been written. Lior actually said to PAA, “Please provide the quote with its full sentence as it is
out of context the way you chopped off half the comment,”
so I’ll do that for you now: “Girls dating pictures helps, basically, with boys looking for vanity.” – Lior
You can argue with that statement here if you want to:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/hasnt-gotten-a-date
December 19, 2014 5:20 am at 5:20 am #1075061Patur Aval AssurParticipantYour defense will be accepted once you come up with a way that “having pictures of girls dating (i.e. a picture of a girl on a date) would help,”
to justify understanding Lior’s statement that way.
Do I have to assume that any statement someone makes is a logical argument?
December 19, 2014 5:46 am at 5:46 am #1075062JosephParticipantWhen reading my comments you need a Rashi to fully understand it in its profound completeness.
I’m enjoying everyone’s svaras in darshening my comment.
December 19, 2014 4:26 pm at 4:26 pm #1075063CuriosityParticipantBack in my dating days I once Googled the names of potential future in-laws, and it turned up a record with a substantial and disturbing criminal history. The person was presently incarcerated. After asking the shadchan, my suspicions were confirmed that this was indeed the parent of the girl in question. I had mixed feelings about it because the girl herself was not at fault, but I wasn’t particularly interested in the shidduch to begin with, and the backdrop of having such an in-law was just too much for me to handle, so I said ‘no’. I felt really bad for the girl, but you shouldn’t get married for pity. Googling has proved very useful in avoiding such situations. I think it’s a responsible and prudent thing to do, and not at all unreasonable.
That being said, one should be careful to make sure to validate that the results they pull up indeed belong to the person they are looking into. I know that when Googling my uncommon name it pulls up some guy’s Facebook with photos of all his drinking, smoking, and clubbing activities… it’s not me.
December 19, 2014 6:36 pm at 6:36 pm #1075064☢️ Rand0m3x 🎲ParticipantNo, but I would reject an understanding of another person’s
words that I cannot at all understand the reasoning behind
(unless there is no alternative, which happens sometimes).
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