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RIP Osama bin Laden, World Hide and Go Seek Champion (2001-2011)
Does this mean we can start taking box cutters back on flights?
DY,
I would change the RIP to RINOP
The rest is quite funny:)
AYC: perhaps the ‘P’ is for purgatory.
mayan
Funny!
But why should he rest?
getzel1 and am yisrael chai,
You both have good points. I didn’t make them up, though.
Getzel1, thanks for all the laughs.
I just sold my vacuum cleaner on ebay. It was only gathering dust.
SG- great one! LOL
“RIP Osama bin Laden”
RIP in this case stands for Roast In Peace.
I hope OBL is enjoying “rig”orous workout
Roasting In Gehinom
WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS
This one is priceless….A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: October 16, 2009
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.
I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as
uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here
agent 004 gets called into the head of the mossad.
“we must get an urgent message to agent 003. as you know he is the worlds greatest expert in disguise and secrecy and has been in deep undercover for 2 years, it took us over 6 months to find his location. he is living in so and so city at this address, he is using the name goldberg”
004 gets there and finds two goldbergs listed on the apartment complex.
he decides to go to the one on the first floor. he knocks and an old man answers the door.
the agent says “mr goldberg, the bird of prey flies through the murky skies”
goldberg looks puzzled then he laughs and says “oh, im goldberg the tailor, you want goldberg the spy, he lives on the third floor”
I mentioned an acquaintance who lost a fortune on Wall St.
Says my 97 year old mother “That is better than a failed business. At least he does not have the headache pf liquidating equipment & inventory”
Did you hear about the pair of simese twins who moved to England just so that the other one could learn to drive!
2 old yentas were eating together in a restaurant. “Such awful food here” said the first. “I agree” said the second, “It’s completely inedible. And such small portions they give”!
For a joke I switched all the beds in my house for trampolines. My wife hit the roof !
What do you call a dinosaur that doesn’t believe in his own existence?
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An Apicasaurus
two elderly men, John and Mike are sitting on a bench and talking about baseball. one said to the other, i wonder if there’s baseball in heaven. they made a deal, that whoever went up first would come in a dream with the answer. a few months later Mike died. he came in a dream and said “i have good news and bad news, good news: there is baseball in heaven. Bad news: you’re pitching on friday!!!
Unfortunately not a joke.
An Israeli is on vacation and is visiting a zoo in the States when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to devour her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The Israeli runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the Israeli brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has watched the whole event and says to the Israeli: ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’
The Israeli replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was
behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right..’
The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, tell me please, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’
The Israeli replies, “I serve in the Israeli army and I vote for the Likud.”
After taking a few more details, the journalist leaves.
The following morning the Israeli buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
RIGHT-WING ISRAELI ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
If Bin Laden would have heard all the jokes circulating about him, he would turn over in his wave.
Rabbi Epstein was moving to another city and was saying farewell to his congregation at the synagogue for the last time. Old Mrs. Rosenberg approached him and said, “Your successor won’t be nearly as good as you.”
“Nonsense”, said Rabbi Epstein, in a flattered tone.
“No, really”, said the old lady, “I’ve been here under five different rabbis, and each new one has been worse than the last.”
good one getzel!!!!
i really like that one!!!!!!(can you tell?)
Mexican Words Of The Day :
1. *Cheese*
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence.
Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car there’s not mushroom.
3. *Shoulder*
My fren wants 2 become a citizen, But che didn’t know how to read, So I shoulder.
4. * Texas *
When I’m not home, My fren always Texas me, Che wonders where I am!
5. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
6. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife. But che said chicken go herself.
7. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left But don’t worry wheelchair
8. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
Imanonov,
you used chicken twice, but its all good
speaking of mexicans what’s a mexican’s favorite letter?
C (Si)
Mexican Words continued:
9. *Fascinate*
My new coat has ten buttons but I can only fascinate.
10. *Centimeter*
My Grandmother came to visit today so I was centimeter from the airport.
MExican words again:
What did the mexican fire truck call his kids???
JosA and JosB
!!!! come on you know its funny
A preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front by the altar.”
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?”
Leroy replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing”
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.
He prayed a long time for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Leroy, how is your hearing now?”
Leroy answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til next week.”
don’t get it
hearing, meaning one, sense of detecting vibrations in the air
hearing, meaning two, a court appearance
Mods: how did the last post by Baron Fritz pass the moderation process? No matter what a person’s feelings about Obama are to post a so-called joke about him being a slave is disgusting. Nothing funny or Torahdek about that remark.
On the same lines as Imanonov:
Yankel: “Jose, where you been? I haven’t seen you for a while.”
Jose: “I was in Yale.”
Yankel: “Why where you in Yale?”
Jose: “Aggravated Assault.”
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