Good Forwards (Emails)

39, any prob w/saying gut gefregt or the dvar torah that took an hour to compile in the gender thread?

Should be up by now. Sorry, Yiddish isn’t my language, I was hopping another mod would do the ‘dirty work’

YW Moderator-39

I liked the airplane one. Reminds me of a story I heard from a Southern Yid.

The phone rings in an Alabama police station, and the captain answers the phone. The lady on the other end identifies herself and says in her thick Southern drawl, “I’m calling to report a burglary in my home. But I don’t want any filth coming into my home, so kindly make sure that you don’t send any Jewish cops.”

10 minutes later, the lady answers her door to find 3 uniformed policemen standing on her doorstep with their hats in hand. The officers are all black as coal. The lady takes one look and nearly faints. She asks, “I just called in a burglary, are you the ones they sent.”

“Yes’m”.

“But the captain should know better than this. Surely this must be a mistake.”

“No’m, Captain Cohen never does make mistakes.”

Little Johnny’s at it again….. A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’

* * * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said,

‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him.’Little Johnny asked, ‘Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ?’

* * * * * * * * * * *

If this brightened your day, don’t let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too ya know!

My shadow: u had some really great ones!!!!!!

I feel the need to lay some ground rules for this forum. First of all, if you are presenting a story. it is incumbent on YOU to research whether or not it is accurate. The ATM story and the story of the girl online (and the soccer game) are MYTHS! The Stella Awards (which did not get posted) is also not true. If this continues, serious consideration will be given to shutting this topic down.

We already have a humor thread where the jokes can go up, so please make sure these stories are factual, OR POST THEM AS “A MYTH WITH A NICE LESSON” or something.

Because I made reference to it in a previous post, here is the TRUE story of the lady who sued McDonalds over spilled coffee (please do not comment on it UNLESS you have read the entire story.

There is a lot of hype about the McDonalds’ scalding coffee case. No

one is in favor of frivolous cases of outlandish results; however, it is

important to understand some points that were not reported in most of

the stories about the case. McDonalds coffee was not only hot, it was

scalding — capable of almost instantaneous destruction of skin, flesh

and muscle. Here’s the whole story.

Stella Liebeck of Albuquerque, New Mexico, was in the passenger seat of

her grandson’s car when she was severely burned by McDonalds’ coffee in

February 1992. Liebeck, 79 at the time, ordered coffee that was served

in a styrofoam cup at the drivethrough window of a local McDonalds.

After receiving the order, the grandson pulled his car forward and

stopped momentarily so that Liebeck could add cream and sugar to her

coffee. (Critics of civil justice, who have pounced on this case, often

charge that Liebeck was driving the car or that the vehicle was in

motion when she spilled the coffee; neither is true.) Liebeck placed

the cup between her knees and attempted to remove the plastic lid from

the cup. As she removed the lid, the entire contents of the cup spilled

into her lap.

The sweatpants Liebeck was wearing absorbed the coffee and held it next to her skin. A vascular surgeon determined that Liebeck suffered full thickness burns (or third-degree burns) over 6 percent of her body, including her inner thighs, perineum, buttocks, and genital and groin areas. She was hospitalized for eight days, during which time she underwent skin grafting. Liebeck, who also underwent debridement treatments, sought to settle her claim for $20,000, but McDonalds refused. During discovery, McDonalds produced documents showing more than 700 claims by people burned by its coffee between 1982 and 1992. Some claims involved third-degree burns substantially similar to Liebecks. This history documented McDonalds’ knowledge about the extent and nature of this hazard. McDonalds also said during discovery that, based on a consultants advice, it held its coffee at between 180 and 190 degrees fahrenheit to maintain optimum taste. He admitted that he had not evaluated the safety ramifications at this temperature. Other establishments sell coffee at substantially lower temperatures, and coffee served at home is generally 135 to 140 degrees. Further, McDonalds’ quality assurance manager testified that the company actively enforces a requirement that coffee be held in the pot at 185 degrees, plus or minus five degrees. He also testified that a burn hazard exists with any food substance served at 140 degrees or above, and that McDonalds coffee, at the temperature at which it was poured into styrofoam cups, was not fit for consumption because it would burn the mouth and throat. The quality assurance manager admitted that burns would occur, but testified that McDonalds had no intention of reducing the “holding temperature” of its coffee. Plaintiffs’ expert, a scholar in thermodynamics applied to human skin burns, testified that liquids, at 180 degrees, will cause a full thickness burn to human skin in two to seven seconds. Other testimony showed that as the temperature decreases toward 155 degrees, the extent of the burn relative to that temperature decreases exponentially. Thus, if Liebeck’s spill had involved coffee at 155 degrees, the liquid would have cooled and given her time to avoid a serious burn. McDonalds asserted that customers buy coffee on their way to work or home, intending to consume it there. However, the companys own research showed that customers intend to consume the coffee immediately while driving. McDonalds also argued that consumers know coffee is hot and that its customers want it that way. The company admitted its customers were unaware that they could suffer thirddegree burns from the coffee and that a statement on the side of the cup was not a “warning” but a “reminder” since the location of the writing would not warn customers of the hazard. The jury awarded Liebeck $200,000 in compensatory damages. This amount was reduced to $160,000 because the jury found Liebeck 20 percent at fault in the spill. The jury also awarded Liebeck $2.7 million in punitive damages, which equals about two days of McDonalds’ coffee sales. Post-verdict investigation found that the temperature of coffee at the local Albuquerque McDonalds had dropped to 158 degrees fahrenheit. The trial court subsequently reduced the punitive award to $480,000 — or three times compensatory damages — even though the judge called McDonalds’ conduct reckless, callous and willful. No one will ever know the final ending to this case. The parties eventually entered into a secret settlement which has never been revealed to the public, despite the fact that this was a public case, litigated in public and subjected to extensive media reporting. Such secret settlements, after public trials, should not be condoned.

39, Are you stating YWN is now monitoring the accuracy of all posts, and will only post after verification (and hence the readership can rely on the good faith efforts of the mods)?

I really wish I was, but, unfortunately, I will take your word for it when you quote a tur or some other miforesh. (In other words, no Joseph, I did not say that!)

The blatant ones (lies/misquotes) don’t get published. TRUST ME, YOU SHOULD SEE THE TRASH WE TRASH . Man power and time limit us in this endeavor (side point, this is why longer posts take longer to get approved). There is a reason, though, for why we the policy of the mods is to either delete, or “leave for another mod” those things you question whether or not they belong on The Yeshiva World .

YW Moderator-39

a toughie? maybe. but he actually seems like an ok guy, kapusta. don’t diss him…

well now that mod 39 started this “cant be posted unless it is true” now you WILL have ppl say oh it was posted it must be true if it was just left alone all the posts would be taken for exactly what they are: good forwards and thats it oh well now i will have to waste an extra three hours a day researching my spam:)

and to moish if i am having trouble posting something that is kosher just may not be true you can really forget the second half of that joke unless you can mod it yourself cuz im to busy writing dissertations on various stella awards

1st of all (baal kishron) I loved your joke about the husband store.

Also, please do not misquote me, I NEVER said it cannot be posted if not true. I just want to prevent the CR from becoming a place where myths get passed on as fact. Yes, we want people to be able to believe things they read here (but we would advise them to check things out themselves too). This is a dangerous topic. Forwards often go out offering “life saving advice” which can be ineffective (or worse). I have gotten e-mails stating things like “entering your PIN on an ATM backwards will call the police if you are beings mugged” or “If you are driving and you are being followed, DO NOT CALL 911, Call *77” These are e-mail which are being sent around which are FALSE!! Devoting a board to these forwards makes it incumbent that we know fact vs. fiction before having “The Yeshiva World”‘s name associated with it.

agreed, but like I have been saying this entire time. This IS a pet peeve of mine, and OTHER mods might not be as makpid on it.

You tried posting something called “The Stella Awards” awards give to people who made frivolous lawsuits (named after someone whose lawsuit was anything but frivolous) I casted doubt whether I can post it since I already have cause to believe that there will be inaccurate statements.

After further research I discovered most, if not all of the cases were fabricated. Why should I post it? Why should a message listing false claims of frivolous lawsuits being used to prove the point that the justice system is broken be posted?

I think it was worse than the “girl online/soccer game” story. That could happen (and might have occurred in another form). here you are trying to make a point using doctored evidence.

Objection Overruled!

Look at the opening post. I added it to your OP (as you requested)

while i def hear where you are coming from it does come off slightly hypocritical and even wierd that we are having this disagreement when it comes to spam but when it comes to joseph quoting a tur you as a mod will just assume he looked it up and verified it while i have nothing at all against joseph and he seems to be a learned person the fact is according to what your saying maybe ppl will associate his “psak” with ywn so i came up with a solution:) we should have like an army of mods all working on tracking down all of josephs posts;)

I was waiting for that question.

There are 2 things I want to say about that. 1st of all, people learn differently. What you see in a Rashi might not be what I see in a Rashi. Often you can break down a machlokes (say between Tosfos and the Ritva) to how they interpret the words of Rashi.

Second of all, I know without a doubt that if someone put a blatant misquote of Torah (or psak etc) and it were to get posted, the chashuv members of the CR would be all over that person.

Remember, the initial reason it was not posted was due to an identified inaccuracy (i.e. I did no research, I knew initially that parts were inaccurate). Likewise, if someone started a whole Torah with a blatant misquote (or worse) I would also delete that post, knowing I cannot vouch for the authenticity of the post.

whats the uncle thing? I think I’m allowed to miss a joke or two at 3:51 AM… 🙂

No joke, uncle is a term used to mean you are submitting or admitting defeat

you do

<

blockquote

>

when you are done you do

</

blockquote

>

obviously without the spaces in between

You’ll notice just above the rely form, is something that says “allowed markup” this is what happens when with the following (i.e. replacing “blockquote” with something else)

a

em

strong

kapusta & mod39: moish just taught me ul ol li.$

for an ordered list, like this:

1. hi
2. how are you

you would do:

<

ol

>

then before each line, you put:

<

li

>

and close the list with:

<

/ol

>

____________________________________

for an unordered list, which is this:

• hi
• how are you

you replace “ol” with “ul”

i hope you figured tis out, if not let me know.$