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What’s the “going rate” for bar mitzvah and wedding gifts nowadays? (Recognizing that standard never is but trying to get an idea …)
depends where you are and your circles
Bar Mitzva between $36-$54. For weddings, between $54-$120 depending on what you can afford and your relationship. Many people give 72 -100 but plenty give 54 and there are some that exceed 100
Most normal people are acutely aware of the times we live in. Do not give more then you can afford just because others might.
Boruch Hashem at this time of year there are many Simchas in Klal Yisroel a few wedding and Bar Mitzva gifts can equal a month of Yeshiva tuition or a grocery budget don’t feel pressured to stretch yourself.
Good friends will appreciate your participation in the Simcha regardless of how much a gift you give.May you only have Simchas!
BM = $50 (and please, no seforim. He can buy what he lacks)
Wedding = $75 (I give $100, if the boy is working)
This is only if you are going for the meal. If its just to say mazel tov, its on the house.
i give 50 for weddings 36 for bar mitzvas
why 54?
54 is a multiple of 18 = ??
bpt – why do you give $100 if the boy is working. I would give the opposite. The learning need the money much more. And besides, it might even be a mitzvah of supporting torah learning.
Canadians give much larger gifts. For a wedding the minimum would be $100, if not more. For a Bar Mitzvah, at least $72. I have a Bar Mitzvah coming up in couple of weeks and I shall give either $90 or $108, as the boy is the grandson of a very dear friend. I am not trying to show off because my budget is pretty darn tight, but just being truthful as to what people around here usually give. Recently, there was a Bar Mitzvah at the shul and I know the mother quite well – but just through shul and sisterhood activities. She did what not many do – she invited the entire congregation to the kiddush following the Bar Mitzvah. Because I was not one of the invited guests, I gave the boy $18.00. The mother told me that I shouldn’t have done it, it wasn’t necessary, etc. I told her that because she was gracious enough to include the congregation in her simcha, I felt that I wanted to do it. And then I added “besides, it isn’t for you, its for him.”
“why do you give $100 if the boy is working?”
Because he is showing initiative. And she is showing courage for refusing to cave in to the “trend”
Support torah? Absolutley! That’s why I support our local Avos ‘u Baninm program, our Chevras Tehillim. After all, kids deserve to be rewarded for their efforts.
But this chosson is not a kid. And therefore should take the responsibility he is about to sign up for seriously. By not having a clue as to how he plans on paying for the things that make a house go ’round, he is not taking that responsibility seriously. Therefore, he does not get the same “reward” our working boy does.
there are circles that give $250 for bar mitzva and some that give $18, it really depends on where you are.
$250 for a BM? What do they give for a wedding? A car?
I would give $100 for a wedding, if my husband and I were both attending. More, if the whole family is invited. For a Bar-Mitzvah, probably $54-75. Give what you can AFFORD (but not excessively). And the poster who said not to give seforim was right on target. Many of those seforim just become dust catchers. Better to give a gift certificate to the seforim store.
Minyan Gal; its my understanding that you live in an OOT canadian comunity where people have less close freinds and neighbors so the result is a) less simchos to attend. (like you said your freinds grandsons BM is comung up in a “couple of weeks”, do you know how many freinds kids BM’s I have in a “couple of weeks?) b)feeling much closer to those you do have.
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