Going off the Derech

WOW, when confronted with such a situation, I would probably have asked, Is that what your friend would want you to do? Does he know that you are taking off an entire week from your new routine because of his wedding? That probably would NOT make him happy and that is too much responsibility to put on his shoulders. The point of going to someone’s wedding is to be mesameach chasan and Kallah. I am sure at this point your friend is happy for you that you are being productive. Taking off a week from school “for him” would not make him happy, it would probably make him feel guilty and that’s not fair to him. I’m just saying…

As far as laundry and stuff is concerned. I already explained to you about teaching him to do his own and teaching him responsibility. And the money you give him does not have to be endless, you can give him an allowance. If he needs more, he should really learn how to speak to you with derech eretz. You can also explain to him that Respect is a two way street. Of course you must always preface it with your love is unconditional, but if he wants to be RESEPECTed he will have to also learn how to be respectful of others.

WOW, maturity is always part of the problem and that is why you always have to be the wise one. They will never understand the rationality or the truth and someone has to be the voice of reason. You can only lead him to water, but you can’t make him drink. But you still have to lead him to water, that is your job. You can’t tell him what to do, but you still must guide him in a way that is offering him information without it sounding like mussar.

So by letting him know that his decision is not fair to the person he is supposed to make happy, might make the light bulb over his head ignite. If not in this instance, then at least in the next one. On the other hand, as long as he is home you can say “As long as your home, let me show you how to do your own laundry, it is high time you learned how”.

Bear, that’s what happens when the page is long enough for all the posts but not for the reply box. It’s a bug.

Imaofthree-If thiskid is OTD u thunk he really cares about wat Gus skwl says??

Purpilicous- how r u?? U ran away welcome back!! How’s this girl and rabbi..?

this is for u superme http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/especially-good-at-clarifying-how-do-we-know-hashem-exists-to-a-young-adult/page/3

its names of ppl for ur frend to talk to.. gluck!! keep us posted.. 🙂

k so shes rlly mad that the skl told her parents… so she x wana go home last nt so she came to my house then her mom got another call from dean of students so she had 2 go home and she wanted 2 come to me also tonite but her mom doesnt let.. which makes her even more mad

WOW, Way to go! That is a smart move. That is the only way these kids are going to take life seriously. The school should have called each one of the kids instead of the parents. Each of the kids have their own cell phones, and each one should have been contacted and asked why they were NOT in school! This school knows who their students are and what they are dealing with. Calling their parents instead of calling the kids was a cop out on their part. They should have done both!

WOW, whatever happens, this is a wake up call to the kids. They chose this school because of its attitude and lax views. However, there are rules and obligations no matter where you go in life and one needs to be accountable. They want to be treated as adults and they want to be in control of their own choices. Well then, with that comes the responsibility of being accountable and responsible for those choices. Parents are NOT responsible to clean up the messes they make due to those choices. When one makes a choice they also choose the rewards or the consequence that comes along with that choice. It is up to them to think through where those choices will lead them.

WOW, that is just another sign of their immaturity! They don’t like to be accountable for their actions so they will just quit? Well that certainly is a sign of maturity and wise choices isn’t it? And who will pay the School what they agreed to pay when they signed up? Ask him that? Didn’t he sign an agreement? Ask him about the agreement he signed? Is his signature and his word worth nothing? Did he and his friends work hard to get into this school and think that once they did THEY would take over and be making the rules? What exactly did they expect would happen there? And then there is the issue of the Chassan and Kallah who will nebech feel they are the cause of this trouble.

So now the question remains what can a parent do? So the simplest question to ask might be “Does it make sense to quit when you worked so hard to get in? Why the need to drop out when things get messy? Real life is full of “mess” how you handle it is what makes all the difference in the world, the man you are, the man you become, the person you have to live with all your life.

Sometimes in life you have to decide when to follow your own path and do what’s best for you, that’s how one becomes a leader and NOT a follower”.

WOW, you can’t be afraid to speak to your own child. He might not react as you would like him to at first. But he will repeat in his head what you have said when he is not with you, and eventually it will seep in if it is said in the right way with the right meaning and intention.

I hope you can find someone in Israel to speak to in real life. Hang in there.

superme-

she lives in isreal..

wow-

if he truly wants answers on “how we know Hashem exists and judiasms the true religion” then i can give u someone in the us’s name to call.. if u want it.. either way gluck and hatzlacha and keep on davening cuz im davening 4 him:)

Purpleone- I neeeeeed the name and number of that person ho can answer those questions!!! And oh I don’t know a/o in Isreal hmmm let me think…

I hav toswitch my email I gave them wrong one…

WOW, I sent you a way to contact me via Avi. Please use it as needed. We both want the best for you and your son and although we use different methods we have the utmost respect for each other and the work that we each do. You can cc him in the emails to get his perspective on the issues or we can discuss it privately whichever way you prefer. I hope this helps you.

superme-

i tried posting it.. mods it x go thru?

What did ijust say I didn’t get it

Contact information cannot be posted.

MODS SO PLEASE EMAIL THE NUMBER TO ME OTS OF A RABBI I NNEED ROONPWWHPHE IS AN HIS NUMBER!!

We’ve already taken this request to the Editor. We can’t help you with this.

Write or Wrong, did the article mention any kind of proof of such a finding? I don’t think it’s true. Many people who were off the derech came back. Why torture yourself with reading such an article?

Y wkd u say such a stupid thing now immune how this mother feels think before speak where’s ur brains

“I just re-read an article that said, “One year or two years in the off-the derech lifestyle pretty much guarantees a point of no return.” Do you think this is true? We are getting close to the 1 year mark where my son started to hang out with a ‘bad’ crowd, which eventually resulted in him not wanting to finish school. I know the sooner they come back, the better, but is there really a point of no return?”

That’s a nice theory but not true in the overwhelming majority of cases. Kids can be off for four to five years and still usually come back. Just keep doing what you’re doing and it WILL work out eventually. He’s still 17 and immature enough to not think too much about the consequences of his choices. He needs to grow up before you can expect more from him. He may or may not live the same hashkafa as the way he was raised but he will choose to live a life as a normal accomplishing adult, almost definitely within a frum framework.