Going off the Derech

search up ncsy on line. they do kiruv.

K I got the rabbis name not his number so I’ll google him…where is he located ??

Hoe did u hear of him?

OMG I also use to be in the same situation like both of you. But, B”H i took care of most of the problem. So, I know a lot about the situation that your in and how to help…. bc i went thru it and B”H fixed most of it. btw: im also in ur grade! It happened in the beginning of this year.

All of you, please understand that there are a lot of trolls on this website so NO PERSONAL information should ever be posted, not even your age and not even your school or what grade your in.

The names of some very helpful individuals were already discussed here and they can direct you to excellent sources of help. Rabbi Wallerstein has an excellent female therapist on his staff. Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis works with both boys and girls who have questions, you can google her or get her email address through the Jewish Press. I am very happy that all of you have been brave enough to ask for help and have realized that you do have ways and means to ask for help instead of trying to shoulder the burdens of issues that are way out of your league on your own.

Purplicious, you can’t control what others do only what you do. The only thing you can do if your friend chooses NOT to get help is to let him know that you care about him and his situation really frightens you. If you doesn’t recognize how serious his situation is and he doesn’t choose to get help on his own, then you will have to let someone YOU trust know about it because “Kol Yisroel areivim zeh la zeh. And he is too important a human being to allow to fall apart or die because of issues and problems that he can’t handle on his own and because he either doesn’t have anyone to turn to or doesn’t realize that he can find someone that he can turn to.”

No one knows who Hashem will choose to be a sheliach for another person. Anyone can be a shadchan for a couple no matter how old they are, and anyone can save another person’s life no matter how old they are, either by dialing Hatzola in an emergency or putting pressure on an open wound, or by calming a person down until help arrives, or in any number of ways; even by telling a trusted individual that you fear for someone’s life. Hashem chooses people for different reasons.

I don’t want YOU to feel guilty because YOU are put in a difficult position here. What is more important saving your friend’s life or keeping a confidence? It is unfair of your friend to put you in that position. At some point we have to make a choice and tell a person “I care too much to stand by you and watch you kill yourself, you are way too important to allow whatever happened to you or whatever is bothering you to kill you. There is an answer and/or a solution for whatever is happening to you and if you were MY friend you wouldn’t put me through this. You would allow me to find someone to help you and not make me fear for your life.”

So if I had a close relationship with MY parents even though my friend didn’t have a close relationship with his, or if not with my parents, with my aunt, or with the Rav of my shul, or a particular teacher or neighbor, I would tell them what I was going through and ask them to help me and take this burden off my shoulders because Ms. Purple, YOU DON’T deserve to worry like this, nor to think in any way, shape or form, if your friend were to go sour that you have any achrius in that. You are NOT responsible for his choices only yours. So you can let him know that you don’t want that kind of responsibility and if he doesn’t want to make the right choices for himself, at the very least you can make the right choices for yourself. Because you are only a kid yourself and the responsibility he is putting on your shoulders and your heart is way too much for a kid to handle or live with for the rest of her life.

ok now that e/t is resolved (or mostly some stuff) lets give back write or wrong her thread… we sorta hijacked it…

Yeh I agree shiratobala and purplicious was getting a little nervous bout thatto..

I made a denominational shift from Reform and then Reconstructionist to Traditional and Orthodox. I was very observant by non-Orthodox standards- I davened every morning with tallit and tefillin and also davened Mincha-Maariv (albeit using Reform and Reconstructionist siddurim). I studied Gemara and other texts, learned the parsha every week twice with Onkelos and Rashi, kept kosher (didn’t eat “milchigs out” ever, since I lived in NYC), kept shabbos (I walked to services 3 miles from home), and wore a kippah and sometimes tzitzit. I learned trope and nusach, and was involved in transdenominational efforts in learning and other areas. I began observing at this level around the age of 12.

I grew up to realize that the only community where my lifestyle made sense was the traditional, halakhic community, and that being a halakhic Jew meant that I had to meet personal status standards al pi halakha, and I had to go through many hurdles to be where I am at today (a teudat giyur from one of the most respected rabbinical leaders in Modern Orthodoxy and a former RCA president).

In order to make “connections,” investing time and money in the proper courses and yeshiva education is a necessity for me.

Why anyone born with the linguistic skills from age 3, with the yichus, social network, right connections, who can learn rishonim presumably by the age of 18-19, who was raised with the geshmack of what I worked so hard to achieve and learn, would choose to reject this astounds me.

That being said, there are several areas where we need to return to the teachings of Hazal and the Rambam, Rav Hirsch, and other rational and correct gedolim.

We need to encourage those who inquire and ask questions and scrutinize knowledge. They are sincere mevakshei Hashem.

We need to adopt a grand religious vision that combines ethics, yashrus, humanism, and universalism with the demands of a strixt halakhic life and torah learning. Our torah learning needs to be enriched by a robust agenda of studying the natural and social sciences and humanities, which sharpen the mind and allow us to see life holistically.

Spirituality needs to be nurtured, in addition to philosophizing. Historical revisionism, conformity, brainwashing, and closed-mindedness need to be erased from the picture.

Purplicious what are you saying that you didn’t make the call to Rabbi Goldwasser and he somehow knows about our conversation and called you out of the blue?

MODS we need you!

aries2756- why???????????????

Purplicious- wow good for you now you’ll be less stress. What type of message exactly did you send him? Let me know how this goes when your friend finds out…then maybe I’ll do something like this…

Purplicious,

Write or wrong did not say anything negative about Rabbi Goldwasser. You hadn’t mentioned that you left a message for him with your phone number, so she thought it may have been someone pretending to be Rabbi Goldwasser, and that faker would probably be a dangerous person.

There is definitely too much personal info being given out here, so it’s a valid concern. Everyone please be careful – don’t mention your age, grade, where you live, where your school is, etc. Also, don’t use a screen name which can be searched to find you identity (e.g. if I posted elsewhere using the name DaasYochid and let out personal info there, someone could search my sn and identify me).

What’s more, if you truly believed in what you learned instead of just feeling comfortable in a certain lifestyle, you would not practice anything preceded by “Modern,” or at the very least you would treat those who are above you in every way with respect, knowing where you stand.

and how shud i do that??? hes rlly well known and wrote tonz of books and i heard him speak once abt anorexia and his voice was the same.. i x understand ur point.. it was him.. and my prinicple actually told my frend that they know cuz we told them and shes rlly mad but not rlly anymore…

Someone who says

We don’t need this kind of trash in our midst, or in our gene pool.

or

This is an attitude I have seen many times on the part of questionable gerim and BTs who later leave the fold after taking far more than they give

Should not really be commenting on Off the Dereach, Its suchs attitudes that we can “Throw out the Trash” that is causing people to go off.

Hashem Loves every Jew Equally , Even Barney Frank jews.

The Thinking Jewish Teenager’s Guide to Life by Rabbi Akiva Tats is a great book targum press

aries…..- do you happen to know what the female therapists that rabbi wallerstein has…name?

Now, we are back to nature vs nurture – why are different people programmed to see things differently?

There definitely is a genetic component – never mind the erev rav, almost all of us, especially among the Ashkenazim, are saddled with genes that were enforced on us by our tormentors during the worst of times. How much that has to do with present behavior, I have no idea.

The problem is with the lack of authority and supervision on the Internet. This is probably the best of the forums as far as moderation is concerned. Still, it is a forum, and some people who have little knowledge and less emunah love to post pat answers that basically have the message “Torah is not everything – go enjoy the secular world.” I understand that without debate, this board would just become a community bulletin board of the “Where do I find Paskesz Moldy Green Licorice Bites with Aspartame” variety. However, something needs to be done to squelch the shrill voices of those who are shluchei d’yetzer horo on frum platforms. Kids think that a low level of observance, combined with interest in garbage like alternative rock or grunge music, is cool – they call it “chilled” now. It isn’t cool and it isn’t “chilled” – it’s one step closer to the OTD abyss, and deep down, the troublesome OTDs know their lives are wasted and empty.

The Internet should be used to create an image of OTD as what it really is – sitting in the grimy railroad station beis kisse, smoking and drinking cheap beer, while watching the train whiz by even though you know full well you have a first-class ticket for the most direct and fastest route on that train.

“For instance, when kids come home from school, they feel like they have nothing to do. If you don’t give them high tech games to play with, they’re bored. What ever happened to playing a good old game of Monopoly? Checkers?”

I have different questions, I wonder what ever happened to studying, what ever happened to helping around in the house, whatever happened to doing chesed to neighbours and to visiting the retirement home and the hospital (if legal adult, the prison too) and to taking care of younger siblings, and if still boredom is present, going out and actually earning money with our work. I also wonder what ever happened to parenting and responsibility, however, I do wonder most of all what ever happened to checking people before we welcome them.

Daniela – those ideas are very nice, but they are not things children jump to do and generally do not fall into the category children call “fun.” The world has changed.

i have a question having 2 do w this… all high skool girls do chessed, so why x yeshiva boys go visit nursing homes and stuff?