Going off the Derech

Tell him to talk to a Rav. Have him talk to other boys in the same situation.

I think Waterbury Yeshiva would be good for him.

You should talk to your son about going to Waterbury Yeshiva and talk to the Rabbi to get him to go as soon as possible. They accepted someone in the middle of this year who is your sons age and now he is back on the derech. Let me know what happens. Hope it works. It did for a lot of boys b”h.

Waterbury yeshiva is really for kiruv. Also, try all the options even if it’s in the USA. You never know…

Waterbury Yeshiva is not a Kiruv Yeshiva per se they might help some kids with issues, but it is a regular yeshiva, maybe one that cares more.

As far as the Satmar community is concerned, there re many individuals who are very decent people, but the community in general have lowed the “mafia” to gain control and to bully them into doing their bidding and to keep quiet about their criminal activity against young and old alike. People are afraid to tell the emeshurts and as a community came forward to protect and elf end the menuval Webershmutz who was sentenced today to 103 years. The family of the victim was so harassed nd intimidated the police moved them out of their home in Williamsburg. Is this how Hashem wants Yidden to conduct themselves? Is this how one would describe ood Jews?

I disagree 100% with you. Don’t look to blame the child. Children don’t choose to go off the derech, they are pushed and shoved off! Answer a child’s questions and don’t feed him nonsense. And most of all don’t be a hypocrite and you will see less and less children going off. Protect abusers instead of children and you are still shoving kids off the derech, you are displaying hypocrisy in its strongest form! A child who is unhappy might choose to live with another family or not be as strict as his own family. A child that goes to such an extreme as to turn their backs on the entire religion was shoved out the door.

Write or Wrong: What is he doing? Is it helping him somewhat go back on the derech?

ya i even think shes deppressed and she admits it herself.. two days ago i made a huge step out of my comfort zone and asked a kiruv rabbi who my fam knows if she cud speak to him even tho she x wana.. he is a therapist who works w at risk teens and was otd himself but came bak on and dus kiruv now.. she x even wana speak to him but i was on the fone w her and he answered sum of her question which i had to ask cuz she x wana talk!! she wants to talk to a girl bt they x hav answers.. shes not even open to listeing and i think shes startign to influenece me now so i mite havta stop beng frenz w her for my own good… and she wants to commit suicide now.. ahh complicated..

I am afraid that your friend has more issues than she is willing to share and it doesn’t have anything to do with religion but more of what has happened to her what her experiences have been either with her family, friends or even strangers. If she has threatened or spoken about suicide and you have a guidance counselor in school then maybe you should discuss it with her. You don’t necessarily have to say who your friend is right away, just let the guidance counselor know that you are over your head in this friendship and that you are very worried about your friend. Ask her what she suggests you do, and who does she think she should reveal this information to.

Your other option is to call Hatzala or to speak to a Hatzala member in your neighborhood and let them know who this girl is and that she has spoken to you about suicide. Maybe they can get a Hatzola member in her neighborhood to speak to her.

superme-

ur lucky cuz she at least wants answers!! mayb call a rabbi u know who works w at risk teens and has experiance.. if shes willing then she cud call him.. my frend x even wana get answers..

aries-

thanx for u wise words but i dont think shes killing herself yet.. just saying it.. and she prob has deppression.. im just guna hold back on our frendshi cuz i x want her to pull me down and shes not even trying 2 get her life back in order.. i havta force her..

i dont think the mods will let that thru plus the person i spoke w mite not want that… ahh i dont know what to do…hes guna know im givng out his number then.. is there anyone else u cud send her too? if theres rlly noone else mayb ill give his number..

Nobody can give answers to these people because there really are no answers. Yes someone may have nice words which may or may not touch someone’s heart, but the truth is, we don’t know about G-d, about suffering, we don’t have answers. Then again there are different sort of questions, such as, should we go to the movies, should we do this or eat that, etc. To those, we do know the answers, and in great detail, and even if we don’t, it’s easy to ask a question and be answered and then do as we are told. If someone has decided they do not want to live like that, and are seeking to rationalize it intellectually, say by questioning G-d or similar philosophical questions (which, if genuine, are no reason to loosen observance) you can not help nor can any rabbi in the world. We are taught to avoid such people.

Supreme, if you live in Brooklyn, contact Rav Dovid Goldwasser. He should be able to help you and help your friend. Purplicious, there are answers to every question one might have in the the Torah. No individual will have any or all answers on the spot, but the best answer to anyone who is asking is “I don’t know the answer to that right now, but maybe we can research that together, or work on that to find someone who can answer that for us.” Because there is always an answer for every question and a reason for everything we do. Not everyone is smart enough or educated enough to know and understand the why’s.

One more thing, personally I don’t take suicide threats lightly. I was involved in too many suicide attempts and rescues to do so. So again, if you know someone in Hatzolah please pass along the information and see if they can help your friend. This way you can back away knowing that you at least handing over the responsibility to someone else.

Hatzolah members are trained to react to both emotional and physical medical conditions. Volunteers are very caring and if one you speak to does not know what to do, all they have to do is get another more experienced member in their location to deal with it. They are very discreet and are obliged to keep an oath of confidentiality.

So the advantages of speaking to a Hatzolah member is that if you can get someone who lives near her, he can meet up with her and just tell her that he is a hatzolah member and she can talk to him or call him any time she feels depressed or suicidal and he will listen to her, or he can give her the number of a help line she can call so she won’t feel alone and will always have someone to listen to her that will be completely anonymous. In that way she won’t feel that she has to hold everything inside and she won’t have to tell anyone who she is. But the fact that she is so depressed and wants to disassociate herself from reality really makes me worry. Maybe he can give her the local Hatzola number and they can send someone to meet her in the Pizza store or wherever without lights and sirens and then they can determine if she needs to go to the hospital or not, or if they can recommend someone for her to talk to. Also there are paramedics in Hatzolah and in many neighborhoods there are even doctors who volunteer for Hatzola.

Purplicious, everyone needs a support system. By making such a connection for her you are giving her a lifeline. You are telling your friend “I love you and I care about you, but your problems and issues are way over my head and way more than someone my age knows how to deal with. This is my suggestion…Hatzolah members are bound by confidentiality. If you reach out to them you will know that you have some form of support and maybe they can direct you to someone that can help you or help you figure out how to find answers to your questions. They have tons of resources. At the very least it gives you a lifeline to hold on to so I know that you are connected to someone who will care about you and will keep you safe and alive.” The entire Hatzola organization is about saving lives. So again I would suggest that you research this and see if it would be an option for your friend. Do you know anyone in Hatzolah?

ya i do.. a few ppl on my block.. but #1 theyr all men and she refuses to speak to anyone besides for a lady whos “normal and understands me”… i dont even know what 2 do w her!!! this IS way over my head and im just guna back out of the situation.. im still there for her always but cant discuss this topic w her cuz shes guna pull me down. where i live hatzala is all 19 yr old guys who luv their lights and arnt guna help her at all… do u have a number of a female lady who wud have the answers she needs? ill just txt her the # and shes either guna call her or not but im not pushing her any more.. shes deppressed beyond and i hope she x commit suicide.. but she x wana talk to anyone!!! ahhh… this is too much for me to handle.. and i x betray her trust and tell the whole hatazla…

write or wrong – did u try ncsy

ok thanx aries…

ill try to contact them and if they give me a female ill give her her # but if she x call them i cant force her.. then lets say she commits suicide is it my fault??

Yossi613- do you also mentor teenage girls? This girl had 3 bad experiences talking to 3 different lady therapists. I need a man for her.

Adams- what are some good books that you recommend from rabbi twerski for teenage girls starting/ drifting to OTD?

superme-

so 1st pls try either rabbi dovid goldwasser or rabbi wallerstein? im in the exact opposite sitch cuz she wants a lady not a man..

male. thats the whole problem cuz my frend wants a female and urs wants a male. was the female that spoke to ur frend good? cuz then mayb my frend shud speak to her..

ya shes a teen.. frends who r like wat? do u have a rabbi who wud be good for supermes frend to talk to? and a female for my frend?

Yes my friend is a teen. The girls she found were very very negative and not understanding. It’s a known thing that girlswork better with boys and vice versa….now I’m really curious to know who your male person is. The last female person she spoke to lied to her and caused her somemore problems. So now after 3 bad female stories I finally got her to agree to talk to a man but that’s iy if this guy is not good then she won’t see anyoneelse do youget why I’m so scaredand “pushing you” purplicious? Someone did give me a rebbetzien who you can call privately but she doesn’t want a women so idk maye she’s good for u…

so how abt u give me the ladies name and #? shud i ask this rabbi if i cud give his # to s/o? 1st of all are u a hi skool aged girl teen in the ny area bais yaakov and frum? cuz then were similer enuf and ill say its one of my frends.. idk!!!

Yes purplicios exactly and I think were inthe same situation and weird q what grade you in? um yeh that will be great if you can ask him if you can give number out or at least his name etc.

ST- no it’s nt smart to give names on here? But what happend to you u ave ur name over?? Um well who are you meaning a teen or adult?? And what is ncsy?

Um purplicious ok how should I give you the name and number? Willthe mods (who are the mods? What do they do?) let it go through?