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Is it appropriate for a teenage girl to have a relationship with her next door neighbor who’s a boy of the same age if they grew up together since they were babies?
Someone i know just commented on my relationship and i was wondering if it is really an issue?!
Rav Moshe Feinstein has a teshuva about it. I’m sure someone here can find it for you.
http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=921&st=&pgnum=115&hilite=
Bottom line: No, it’s not appropriate.
DY – shkoyach, knew I could count on you.
Yes its inappropriate. If you are that close maybe you should ask a Rav for a heter to marry him.
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????? ????? ??? ?????? ??”?, ?? ??? ??? ??? ????? ??????? ???? ???? ??? ?? ???? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ?? ???? ??? ????? ??????, ??? ?????? ????? ??? ???? ??? ??? ???? ???. ??????? ???? ??? ???? ????? ??? ??? ??? ?????? ??????, ???? ???? ????? ?????? ??????, ???? ????? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ???? ????? ????? ?? ??? ????.
???? ?????? ??? ?? ???? ?????? ?? ?? ???? ??? ???? ?? ????? ??? ????? ????? ???? ???????, ?????? ???? ????? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???.
Just my thoughts, but the conclusion is the same: This is prohibited M’doraysa, and in fact the prior relationship exacerbates the prohibition and triggers even stricter guidelines.
It’s a teshuvah from Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l about this subject. He says it is assur.
I don’t think there’s anyone who disagrees.
Yes it is an issue. Its equivalent to having a boyfriend. Would you go out and hang out with guys? If not then stop your relationship.
Catch yourself – are you quoting someone, or are those your own words?
“Would you go out and hang out with guys?”
It’s not the same, and I can understand why Jhonny Appleseed thought that one was okay and not the other.
She obviously is a Yarei Shamayim who sincerely wants to know if it’s mutter or not.
That being said, it seems that l’maaseh it is assur.
Just me.
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??? ?????? ??? ????? ???? ????? ???? ???? ????, “???? ???? ??? ???? ?? ?? ????? ???????”, ????? ?? ???? ?? ?????? ????
Mazal tov catch yourself!
You didn’t tell us you got smicha!
LB – he may or may not have smicha. Either way, there was no problem with his writing anything that he wrote. Actually, it was written in a very non-presumptous and humble manner.
DY (or anyone else) – do you know if there’s anywhere online that I can find the third volume of Igros Moshe? It doesn’t seem to be on hebrewbooks.
Thanks!
If you’re at a point in life where you’re holding of not talking to guys, there is no difference if he’s your neighbor or not. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but challenges help grow us as people. Do you consider yourself at the point in life where you’re holding by doing this?
How’s that any different than being at one’s point in life of refraining from eating non-kosher?
(Twas being sarcastic in that post.)
Unsarcastically here: Yay glad that his words were well founded.
Sometimes people forgot about kavod habriyos when they learn this halacha of it being assur to talk to the gender. This halacha becomes such a life-changer to them that they do not even respond when someone of the opposite gender simply asks them for directions.
LB- I know you were being sarcastic. My point was that I felt it was uncalled-for.
I don’t know if his words were well-founded or not since I didn’t really read either the Igros Moshe or his post in depth. But my point was that they didn’t have to be, since he made it clear that it was just his opinion, and that it didn’t affect the psak halacha in any way. He was not presuming to posken (as it seems you may have thought).
I was actuallly rather impressed by the humility with which he wrote and was slightly offended on his behalf. I realize that your post was written based on a misconception, but I felt a need to defend him and clear up the misconception. That was all.
And by the way, it is entirely possible that there are posters in the CR who have semicha. However, having semicha does not entitle one to posken.
“How’s that any different than being at one’s point in life of refraining from eating non-kosher?”
There are people who are not yet at the point of refraining from eating non-kosher.
“Grew up together since they were babies”
That was thrown in for some odd,how come?
LU + infinity
Thanks for the tochacha LU! True true. I did dismiss his words rather than take them at face value for having come up with them. That was rude of me and I’m sorry about that cathe yourself. It didn’t add to the discussion at all.
And yes catch yourself’s words have great merit. Thank you for showing me that and giving me the benefit of the doubt to explain myself too.
It is a good point that the prior history warrants more caution for guarding one’s fences as well.
I’m sorry catch yourself.
Thank you for your insight and going out of your way to write it up in Hebrew and English.
I look forward to more from you. Please forgive me.
Lightbright, you make it sound like you threw me into a pit and sold me as a slave. It wasn’t a big deal – don’t worry about it! Of course I forgive you.
Thanks, Lilmod Ulelameid, for the good words.
DaasYochid –
??? ???? ??? ??”? “????? ??? ??? ????? ???? ?? ???? ?????…??? ???? ????? ???? ?? ???? ??? ??? ??? ???? ??? ?? ???? ????? ???? ???? ??? ???? ?? ?? ????? ??????? ???? ?? ????? ??? ????? ???? ?? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ??? ??? ????? ??? ???? ??? ???’ ” ???? ?? ????? ???? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ????? ?? ??? ???? ??????? ??????. ??? ???? ???? ???, ??? ???? ????? ????? ???? ??? ????? ????? ????? ?????? ??? ??? ???? ???, ?? ??? ??? ??? ????? ??? ?????, ????? ??? ???? ????? ?????? ?? ???? ??? ????? ?? ????? ???????. ????? ??? ???? ???? ????? ???? ????, ??? ???? ??? ???? ???? ?????? ??”?
???? ??? ????? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??? ??? ?? ??? ???, ??? ???? ?????? ?????? ???? ??? ??? ??? ????? ?? ??? ?????? ???’, ????????, ????? ???? ?????, ???? ???? ????”? ??? ???? ????, ???? ???? ?? ??????, ?????? ??? ??? ???, ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ????? ??????, (??? ??? ????? ????? ???? ?????? ?”? ???????) ??????? ????? ??????. ???? ??? ??? ???? ?????? ????, ???? ????? ???? ?? ??? ??? ????, ??? ???? ???? ???.
Fair enough – as I said, I was just making a point in the mathematics of the question.
For the record, LB, the point that prior history warrants more caution was not mine. It’s an established Halacha, referred to and elaborated upon by Rav Moshe ZT”L in the Teshuva linked to by DY.
Catch yourself & DY – lol, I’m impressed. Can you give me lessons in writing Piskei Halacha?
Writing piskei halachah is for guyz, not girlz.
Except in one of the open orthodox threads.
That’s actually not true – it just depends how and why it’s done. According to halacha*, women are allowed to posken if they are qualified, but it’s doubtful if any woman nowadays is qualified, and most people who think they are, are not and are not doing it for the right reasons.
*source: Halichos Baisa by Rav (Dovid?) Auerbach, quoting Sefer HaChinuch (I’m pretty sure) and maybe others (don’t have it on me, so can’t look it up).
Yes, R’ Dovid Auerbach.
He doesn’t actually refer to written psak, but I don’t know that there’s a difference. Either way, it’s exceedingly rare.
He also brings the ??”? in ??”? ?”? (mistakenly, as ??”?), and if you look there, he says women cannot pasken.
Yes but DY you forgot to add-
* except on the CR where women can and do pasken shailos all the time
(I’ve heard even a mod can possibly be a woman)
Thank you for bringing the source, although I can’t look at it right now. I hadn’t realized there was another opinion. I don’t have R’ Auerbach’s sefer available right now, but my impression was that he quotes the first opinion as being the halacha l’maaseh (I didn’t even remember that he quoted another opinion – was the first one on top and the second one in a footnote?).
My impression in general was that the first opinion is the halacha l’maaseh. Do you know how contemporary poskim posken on this?
I also wonder how there can be an opinion that it’s assur for women to posken. Poskening is something that everyone must do on some level all the time. Women certainly have to. So the question would be what are the exact parameters of the type of poskening that women are not allowed to do (according to that shita)? (maybe that’s in the source you brought).
derech agav, I think the psak that women should make the bracha before lighting Y”T candles came from a woman. I think it was the Drisha u’Prisha’s mother. But I guess it was only accepted as psak halacha after he quoted it.
(I’ve heard even a mod can possibly be a woman)
Oy, what has this world come to?
My impression in general was that the first opinion is the halacha l’maaseh. Do you know how contemporary poskim posken on this?
I asked one posek, and she said it’s muttar.
I also wonder how there can be an opinion that it’s assur for women to posken. Poskening is something that everyone must do on some level all the time.
Not everything is called hora’ah.
“I asked one posek, and she said it’s muttar.”
lol.
“Not everything is called hora’ah.”
That was my point. I’m wondering what the precise definition of hora’ah is.
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