Getting over a break up

where did this thread come from? remind me about my thread- getting over someone that used to be in your life?

Probably around 3 weeks where I discussed him incessantly w my friends (thanks guys, your the best!) We had been dating for 6 months.

I took a week, or until I was set up (bad choice of words, no?) with the next person.

Kinda like an ice cube. Solid, cold, permanent; but in the right conditions, its melts away and runs down the drain.

Move on and fuggedabowdit!

been there done that! good luck! Daven very hard for siyatta dishmaya that is my advice

shlishi

open your mind a little bit pal. Yes, we are talking about “Frum” people. And… brace yourself… sometimes frum people who are orthodox etc date for more than 10 dates or two months.

“Modern” isn’t synonymous with “Not religious,” contrary to popular opinion

again, it seems there is a disconnect between what you write, and what you think you’ve written. You used the words “frum” and “modern.”

you mean to say “yeshivish”… “frum” just means religious, and you used “modern” as the antonym.

@Yid: You are so correct. Many of our fellow tribesmen and women don’t realize that if one is Modern doesn’t mean one is not frum. Many Frum, Modern Orthodox people belong to the Young Israel and Yeshiva University movements.

I know many frum men and women who date long term. Perhaps they were burnt from a fast-paced shidduch that didn’t work out and decide to do what is comfortable for them.

@shlishi: This site is open to all whether Chasisdish, Litvish, Modern Orthodox, BT, FFB, etc. So, please don’t allow yourself to be so naive to think that only Charedai (spelling?) people visit this site. There is more than one “type” of Jew. We don’t live in a shtatel in Poland in the 18th Century.

I think if the girl is an “emotional” type then it can be harder for her. dont know anything from the guys point of view as I am a girl (is that a chiddush?!?!!?)

“only Charedai (spelling?) people visit this site”

I’m actually surprised how many are on this site, since many consider the Internet as a whole to be assur…. 🙂

Shlishi- it seems to me (from your comment above) that u haven’t been personally introduced to the shidduch parsha yet. And if you have, then you haven’t gone out with anyone too seriously. (I may be wrong, it’s just my gut feeing)

Shlishi, last I checked this site is not called “Chareidi World”. It’s Yeshiva World. Yeshiva doesn’t have to mean Ultra-right-wing-Yeshivish-Josephish. There is an institution called Yeshiva University. Many of their students are not Chareidi and date for more than a few weeks.

That said, the way many Yeshivish people date, they are meant to become very close to each other after just a few dates and therefore it can be very hard to break up.

I dont think there is a/th wrong with what Shlishi wrote.

I met a boy 4 times and it didnt work out and yes, I was devestated. We are more yeshivish and by the time we met, we had a lot of research, and so yes, by the fourth time, we almost could’ve gotten engaged….

He’s saying that you’re situation couldn’t exist, that nobody gets that close after a few dates.

oomis- it sounds like you were not set up through a shadchan. that could make it even harder. I wish you all lots of luck its very hard “

I am married thirty-four years already. In both cases (the break up with the first guy and my marriage to my wonderful hubby), we met on our own in an environment that was conducive to frum kids meeting and getting to know each other. Had I done “research” (and what is this a term paper, or a potential marriage partner), it would never have revealed the flaw in my ex boy-friend. EVERYONE was flabbergasted to see what an unmenschlech thing he did. They never would have guessed that he of all people would unceremoniously dump a serious relationship without warning, rhyme, or reason, or that he would suddenly be enamored of money and go after a wealthy girl. Many of HIS close friends, thought he had lost his mind and were very angry with him. And we knew each other for almost two years. All the checking up in the world, does not reveal such lack of character until a person shows his true colors.

My husband has a temimus that is obvious to all who ever met him, and when he walked into the place where I worked (a Jewish Publication firm and bookstore), I could see who and what he was right away. He did not ask me out immediately, but waited a couple of months because he was getting over a relationship. But from our first date, I knew this was a special person, and with each date, my original convictions were re-confirmed. And he has never caused me to think otherwise.

Had we gone through a shadchan, we would not have met at all, because on paper, he was not a shidduch for me by any stretch of the imagination, and my parents would have said no. Once we started to date and my folks met him, they saw what I saw. A shadchan would have messed this up (and I suspect many of them do in the Yeshivish world, too).

The first guy I went out with finished the shidduch after 6 meetings, and it was hard since I had allowed myself to get emotionally involved (and someone at work got engaged the same week and all she could talk about was her chosson this and her vort that). It can be hard when the other person says no to you, on the other hand, I learned to keep my emotions in check the next time, and concentrate on does the person really have the qualities I’m looking for in a husband. So when my second shidduch ended I wasn’t that bothered. And the third guy became my husband.

Maybe he’s the girl that dumped the OP.

#I dated someone pretty seriously… and then it didn’t end up working out. A teacher that I was close to in high school told me the following that helped the situation not bring me down.

A guy and a girl dated for a long time, and then broke up. The guy was devastated, so he went to a Chashuva Rav about it. (forgive me i don’t remember the name.) And the Rav told him not to be upset because if he would’ve married her, it wouldn’t be possible for them to have kids from that union.

My point isn’t that every break up is like that….

my point is that Hashem has a plan, and though, sometimes we don’t understand it, and it is hard, and sometimes almost impossible, He has a plan for us, and it’s a good one, the best possible!

Ik this has been dead for a long time but having an ayin tova is a tremendous help. Listen to R’ Wallersteins shiur on Love & a Lev Tov, great class, it changed my outlook on love & life, it changed me. Really fantastic.