Getting Married & Trying To Decide To Have TV Or Not

if you moved into a house and the people who lived there before left an avoda zora in it, would you be content to leave it there and simply endeavor not to pray to it or pay it much attention?? a tv is an avoda zora and so much worse.

Whats the question. Everyone nose that TV is assur and anyone who says anythign else is lying.

It is SOOOO much easier to start off without one than to have one and then decide when to get rid of it. Trust me, you’ll find more productive things to do…

Please, please do not get a TV. Putting aside for the moment the many sights one can see that are detrimental to one’s spiritual state, TV is addictive! One more show, five more minutes, and it keeps going and going and going.

and i dont understand your comment about your kids sneaking tv by their friends house….so its better to have a tv so that your kids wont be sneaking, but doing it cuz its the norm for him?

I don’t think a child without a TV in his home is more likely to watch TV at a friend, than a child who does have a TV in his home. In fact, I believe the opposite.

By the way, we do have a tv in our den. The antenna is unplugged and rarely is used for broadcast channels except for when we need weather reports(i.e. snowstorms and school closings). We do use it to play Torah cds in and home videos or clean kids movies(Bubbie’s boarding house, etc).If you were to own a tv you can use if for pure purposes(Torah) and not for shtuss.

AWOB: Reread my comment.

Isn’t having a T.V. these days the same as inviting a bunch of pilagshim over?

Especially in Shana Rishona…wouldn’t you want your spouse to “only have eyes for you”?

A T.V. detracts from all that is beautiful and holy about you.

And a woman can get unrealistic notions about life from T.V. as well.

MY OPINION APPLIES TO NON-JEWS AS WELL.It’s common sense,no?

You dont need a TV. All you need is a computer with an internet connection and a subscription to netflix or a monitor with a DVD player. I wish when my hubby and I got married we had just that. Now that is all we have. We watch the shows that we like and my son gets all the Thomas and wonder pets he wants (in moderation). I dont have to pay for cable and netflix is less than 10 per month. And yes, those who do not have any way for their children to view things in their own home will most likely have children who seek TV out in other unsupervised. Better to know what your children are watching and have them educated at to what they are watching then being shocked when your child gets in too deep.

Mosherose, just saying “television is asur” is not helpful; there are plenty of rabbis who watch television from time to time.

What happened for us is that both of us had been watching less and less television over time by the time we got married that it didn’t really matter. We still have an old set that doesn’t get over the air channels that we use for playing old VHS videos. For newer DVDs we use the computer. I truly don’t miss the over the air television; I do a lot of traveling for work and I don’t even feel tempted to turn on the television sets in the hotel rooms.

loud noises and bold statements and generalizations!

the fact you are asking the question means you are aware of the potential dangers involved with owning a TV. Seems like you’ve answered the question yourself. It would probably be best (at least at first) NOT to have one.

-your subconscious

As many posters said, it’s a lot easier to bring in a TV if you feel like you miss it rather than getting rid of it once it’s a habit, so why not start out without? Additionally, it will definitely enhance your shana rishona in many ways to not have a TV to fill up your time.

As far as kids sneaking TV, that is a very common accusation, and I find it interesting. My experience is that kids from both TV and non TV homes will attempt to push limits as they reach certain ages. For kids without TV’s that may mean going to their friends to watch, and for those with TV’s it means watching shows their parents don’t approve of — either sneaking it in their own home or by a friend. I once taught 6th grade in an MO school where almost all the students had TV’s, and when we were discussing the vocabulary word “discretion” about half the class said “oh, like ‘viewer discretion advised'” before a show, right? I have a feeling most of these parents did not know what their kids were watching. . . .

I don’t see any reason to assume that shows “sneaked” at a friend’s house would be any worse than the shows they would be watching had you owned a TV. If the other parents set the same type of limits you would, then these would be shows your kids would see if you had a TV. And if the other parents were more permissive, why would you having a TV in your home prevent your kids from joining their friends watching things you don’t approve of?

Your experience in no way contradicts that. You experienced friends from homes without TV’s coming over to watch by you. But in the final analysis, did these friends watch more or less TV than kids who watched at home? Did they watch worse shows?

Bottom line is that if you live in a neighborhood where most families have TV’s, you will not have control over what your kids watch, whether you have a TV in your home or not! The best you can do it hope other parents share your values, and maybe even discuss things like what shows you prefer your kids not to watch, and then try really hard to pass those values to your kids, so that eventually they will self-monitor as well.

BTW, I remember very clearly on my 8th grade graduation trip (I went to an OOT BY, so it was a mixed group), it was the girls from homes WITH TVs who turned on the TVs in the hotel rooms, and with only a few exceptions the girls from non TV homes did not watch and actually protested.

I have never had a TV so don’t feel I can give an honest opinion. I would like to share this email I received some weeks ago:

THE STRANGER

— Author Unknown

A few months before I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of G-d, and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger.. He was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn’t seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to her room and read her books (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honour them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home… not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long-time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad was a teetotaller who didn’t permit alcohol in the home, not even for cooking. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked… and NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you were to walk into my parent’s den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name?….

We just call him… “TV.”

He has a younger sister now. We call her “Computer.”

Here’s my two cents on the issue. I was one of those kids who grew up without a tv and would “sneak” to friends’ houses to watch. The argument that it’s better to have a tv in your house so that you know what your kids watching is a foolish argument. Sure, your kids will no doubt watch tv at their friends, but if you allow tv in your house and don’t allow them to watch inappropriate shows (which I’m assuming you won’t) they will still sneak to their friends to watch those inappropriate shows. In today’s society it’s unfortunate that tv is so rampant, considering the terrible content, so you should do your utmost to make sure your children are exposed to as little of it as possible. The best way to do that is not to have a tv in your house. Besides for the issurim and inappropriateness in watching a lot of the shows on tv, there are studies that have been done that show that children who watch tv have lower IQ’s than children who don’t. I understand your concern that you may be bored your first year of marriage, and it’s not a ridiculous one. I agree with the posters who suggested that it’s a better idea to have internet and watch an occasional (clean) show than to have a tv. I know some may say that it’s the same thing, but I believe there’s a big difference between a tv where you’ll come home every night searching for something to watch, and on the way seeing the worst possible things, and having internet where you watch one show every once in a while.

From the OP: If we have a TV, we’ll be able to overlook what, if at all our kids our watching. However, if we dont have one, there’s always situations where children ‘sneak’ and watch at a friends house.

There’s something which you are now overlooking; a parent has a say in who his child visits. As the child gets older, the values instilled in the child will play a major role in the decisions he or she makes.

I think what aries2756 said makes the most sense. Start off without it…you can always get it later. And like many others said, if you’re bored…turn on your computer and watch from there.

I don’t think a child without a TV in his home is more likely to watch TV at a friend, than a child who does have a TV in his home. In fact, I believe the opposite.”

Clairvoyant, with all due respect you could not possibly be more wrong. I am not saying have a tv or do not have a tv, but there is NO question (NO QUESTION) that kids who do not have one and have a friend who does, OFTEN go to those friends for the express purpose of watching.

DY, you have television capability but have it disabled. Like Ned Flanders 🙂

Weighing in on the kids from no-tv homes watching – my friends who didn’t have TVs came over and obsessively watched shows I would NEVER have watched, but their overall volume of TV was less. Friends with TVs came over to hang out more rather than watch TV.

oomis — You make a very broad generalization, and as with most generalizations it can’t be accurate. Perhaps you meant to say “SOME kids who do not have one. . . “, which I would agree with. It is definitely not everyone, and I believe a lot depends on how well you communicate your value system to your kids. I grew up without TV in my home, and I NEVER went to a friend’s house “for the express purpose of watching.” On occasion, I did watch TV at a friend’s house when I was there anyway and she wanted to watch. Similarly if I was babysitting at a home with a TV I would occasionally turn it on (although I was more likely to head for their bookshelves!) BTW my parents allowed this, requesting that I use good judgement and avoid shows that may be inappropriate.

And even if a child does watch TV at a friend’s house, as I said in my previous post, it is not likely that the child watching at a friend is watching more TV overall, or watching worse shows, than one with a TV in their home.

I hope it works out! And btw, mazel tov 🙂

I take issue with the notion that TV watching on the whole is ‘inane’ and a ‘waste of time’ and that it takes away from the relationship between you and your spouse. My wife and I watch the occasional TV program or movie, and will very frequently pause the “action” and then get into some pretty religio-intellectual discussions about what’s going on. Some of the best discussions we’ve had were about to kibud as it related to “The Office”.

Just my 2 cents…

i would like to agree with not having one in the beginning and certainly not having one in your bedroom. if you feel you want one somewhere down the line keep it in the den.

for the record, the same can go with the smart phones and laptops. i have visited homes where almost every family member is playing a handheld game of somesort or listening to music.

whatever happened to board games and talking to each other?

how about a deck of cards? playing jacks? dominoes?

ok, i am giving away my age group. 🙂

My wife and I watch the occasional TV program or movie, and will very frequently pause the “action” and then get into some pretty religio-intellectual discussions about what’s going on.

hey.. thats a lot like what me and my wife do. we like to go into bars and pool halls and all kinds of low places in las vegas. then we have religious discussions about how untznius the women were and how vulgar all the talk was. its a real eye-opener and has raised our consciousness quite a bit.