Funny Shidduch Stories

Lilmod, that was a great story! But don’t leave us hanging for the cliffhanger.

Who did he end up deciding to marry – Sara or Esty?

Yossi and Tova eloped.

My friend set me up with a girl who he said would be a great fit for me. He wouldn’t tell me much about her except that she was a good girl ect… I talked with her on the phone and we had a good conversation. She told me she knew a few players on my favorite football team and we decided to go out. From speaking with her on the phone I thought she was similar to me.

At the time I was living in Manhattan and she was in Staten Island. We were gonna do the date in lower Manhattan. I went to meet her on the Staten Island side of the ferry. She was late and missed the ferry. When I saw her I knew it would not work out. I was not attracted to her, she was very different hasgafically than me, and we had almost opposite views in life and wanted different things. We ended up walking around lower Manhattan and I decided to have some fun and asked her if she knew who Harambe זכרונו לברכה was. When I heard she didn’t know about the Great One, I spent the rest of the date showing her Harambe memes.

I ended the date on the ferry ride back to Staten Island. Unsurprisingly she agreed with me.

Any more?

Please tell me you bought her the shot glass that says “take a shot for harambe, he took one for you”

This happened to our babysitter-

She started dating fresh out of seminary and got pretty far with the first guy she went out with. He had mentioned to the shadchan that he was ready to get engaged and then reality hit her. She was having a good time on the dates and enjoyed being around him but she felt that she might not be mature enough to get married and take on the responsibilities of raising a family. My wife sent her to speak with a rebbatzin who agreed with her that she wasn’t ready to get married for some time. She then called the shadchan, explained what was going on and said that she needed to end it.

A few months later she saw on a different website that the guy had gotten engaged.

Fast forward some more time.

She’s in Lakewood for Shabbos and hitches a ride back to Flatbush Sunday morning with a distant cousin who’s been married for a few years. When she introduces herself to the husband he has this strange look on his face and asks if she has any older sisters. She answers that she’s the oldest but is totally unsure of what he’s getting at. Then he asked if she has any female cousins with the same last name that are dating and she said that her father doesn’t have any brothers- but she is still unsure of what he’s getting at.

During the ride she’s sitting between their two infants and entertaining them. When the kids fell asleep the husband starts talking and explains that he has a friend that had gone out with someone with the same last name so he just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t her sister or cousin. Since he already confirmed that it wasn’t her older sister or cousin he began to relate to her what this “horrible girl” had done to his friend. “She totally led him on that she was interested in him until he was ready to propose and then she claims that she’s not ready to get married.” So, our babysitter considers jumping out onto the Garden State but figures that the child safety locks are engaged and doesn’t even try. The guy keeps going on and on about how horrible of a person this girl was to his friend and she’s sitting there not knowing what to do.

Finally she breaks the ice and says, “WOW, she really does sound immature! I sure hope your friend finds someone else right away and she stays single until she grows up a little”. She spent the rest of the ride sympathizing with the guy while trashing herself.

Heard this from the person who it happened to during the shiva for her father-

The niftar was a senior pediatrician from the practice that we use.

One of his daughters related that after the levaya before the burial she was surrounded by her friends when a guy she recently broke up with popped out of nowhere and said “I felt that I have to be here for you.”

That is really awkward. I hope he didn’t show up to the shiva house every night

These stories just make me more frightened to send my kids out with “strangers”

No one posted the one about the ultra frum BJJ girl who informs the boy she is dating that she asks people to call her ”Baska” so as not to pronounce the Shem Hashem by saying “Basya”. He replies “in that case please call me Keilikaku”.

I was told that the following took place with the parent of a friend of mine be a few decades ago. The boy was supposed to go out with this girl who he wasn’t thrilled about, and just before the date he was told that another girl who he was very interested in had become available. He figured he’ll just act over the top and get the first girl to reject him. He gets to the house and and they offer him some cake. He says “cake? I LOVE cake! “They offer him some Pepsi and he says “WOW! PEPSI! My favorite! And so on during the date as well. After the date he gets a call from the shadchan who exclaims “What did you do? He thinks to himself oh boy, I really rubbed them the wrong way. The shadchan continues, “they loved you! The parents and the girl are so excited and looking forward to the next date!

Did I somewhere within the over 1,400 funny shidduch stories posts on this thread over the past 10+ years ever retell the story of my date with Dr. Pepper’s sister?

LOVE WILL TEAR US APART AGAIN
Once I met a girl on a shidduch,
Who had on pale makeup,
Her lipstick was black,
And her eyeshadow dark,
And she was dressed as though she was ready for a funeral,
I said hi there Devorah are you ok,
And she said yes I like the cemetery,
I said “are you a goth?”
and she said “yes,
there is nothing wrong with that!”
Oh I said that’s fine I will be back at 9
And disappeared before she could lock me in a coffin!

After coming home from learning in Yeshivat Ohr Yerushalayim, my friend went directly to Lakewood to meet with a local shadchan.
After explaining that his family is very Modern but he flipped out in OJ after graduating his co-ed high MO school, the shadchanit told him that he and his family were too goyish for the girls she knew.
After a few more squabbles, my friend ended up marrying that shadchanit’s daughter.
To this very day, she still thinks her son-in-law is a goy!!

Dr. Pepper- joseph hasn’t posted in over a month and with Covid-19 I worry about people when they go awol. There is no way he would miss out on responding to a post from you so hopefully we will hear he is well.

Pretty sure they’re all the same Joseph. I checked a few joseph profiles but found nothing more recent than july 2nd.

achmad_the_arab-

For the most part I don’t know who these profiles are in real life. Every so often I figure out who someone is and so I let them know (just so that they don’t think they’re anonymous) but they usually deny it.

In one case a poster called me a name in a different thread (I’m not sure if it was meant to be complimentary or derogatory) but I never heard the term before. I then overheard a coworker referring to an old colleague with the same terminology and put two and two together. I informed him that his covers been blown (I didn’t tell him how I figured it out) and he denied it but the profile was immediately retired.

Joseph is a different story altogether. Given that the Frum, Yeshivish community is very small most posters who want to remain anonymous are careful not to let their guard down.

On a different forum I noticed that a poster had some close similarities to Jospeh and started monitoring the posts from both of them. After I was totally convinced I ran it by another poster who I was in contact with in real life and he thought it was solid. At one point he slipped and let his guard down and gave away enough information for me to figure out what his real name is. Of course this may have been intentional to throw people off- I’ll probably never know.

Also, I can’t even be sure that the Joseph that I tracked down is the same Jospeh who’s posting nowadays.

By the way, there are at least 7 joseph’s

Wow! Truly fascinating. Did you ever tell him you figured it out?

Thanks for indulging me, I have always been obssessed with mysteries. I starting reading thru all your posts, having a blast. I remember the wagon wheels, wondering what they meant and feeling a desire to be a part of the “in” crowd.

So far I’ve caught the friedman and khan refrences. Am I allowed to say that?

The wagon was part of a caravan of trucks for a movie that was being filmed there. I hope you didn’t lose sleep over that for all these years.

Before a movie is filmed signs go up to let people know to plan their parking accordingly so when the signs went up someone gave me a heads up that the “wagon” was going to be there.

I had no idea what he was talking about until one Friday I took a detour to check it out. I tried to keep a straight face because I thought if he saw someone smile from ear to ear when they saw the wagon it would give me away. I walked right by as if I didn’t notice anything. I also pretended not to notice the can of Dr Pepper left by the wagon.

This is a public forum so you’re free to quote anything I wrote but if you think it may lead to Lashon Hora please keep it to yourself. Thanks

BUMP

To all those with kohein-divorcee stories!
Little know halacha: a kohein may not marry the daughter of a ger and a giyores.
I know a kohein who was seriously dating a top girl and was ready to get engaged. This girl’s father, a prominent man in his community, was a ger. The boy’s Rav told him to check out the mother’s lineage – the mother had been adopted at birth, so it was not 100% certain she was Jewish. In fact, she had undergone sfak geirus just in case, but as her birth parents had specifically requested that she only be adopted by Orthodox Jews, it was safe to assume that she was born Jewish.
As the adoption was “closed”, it took 3 months (!) to find the necessary information. All this time, the boy and girl were unofficially engaged; they were just waiting for this mere formality to be over.
And then …. they found out the girl’s mother was NOT Jewish from birth! It turns out her mother had noticed that Orthodox Jews treat their kids well and wanted her daughter to have a good life!
Both boy and girl are happily married, and the girl’s mother was actually quite happy to get to know her “real” family.

A girl was in a taxi on the way to a date (the boy didn’t drive, so it was arranged that she would meet him by the hotel). The cabbie turns to her as she got in and said, “Oooh, you’re dressed up fancy! Are you going to a wedding?”
The girl laughed and replied, “Actually, I’m going to a proposal!”
Cabbie, thinking that she meant someone else’s proposal (goyshe version of a lchaim?), asks if she thinks her turn will be soon.
She blushes and replies in the affirmative, and then the cabbie gives her a lecture on why she should not be so sure of her boy until he actually proposes. By this time, she is nearly hysterical with suppressed laughter!

The shidduch comes in an unexpected way as krias yam suf, the spitting if the sea, was not expected. My shidduch came through a plumber who worked by both of our families. My wife a’h and myself together made a shidduch.

About a year ago, my friend was on a date. They got off the subway and found themselves face to face with a giant dog. My friend, who has an extreme phobia of dogs, took a giant step backwards, the train doors closed, and before the boy knew what had hit him, he was standing alone on the platform. He was still waiting when the girl reappeared, very embarrassed, 20 minutes or so later. Now, whenever they meet a dog, he quips that he had been well warned.