Funny Shidduch Stories

Dr. P: Do you have a license for humor?

uuuuuh, hope we’re not starting some shalom-bayis-crisis here… 😉

hold it folks, both Dr. Peppers are here today!? the Mrs. gatta get a new screen name!

You might be able to get me to walk around dressed in green but how are you going to make me hold my hand up all day?

In any event you already lost window privileges do you want to lose the privilege of using my screen name?

Dr. and Dr. Pepper, you guys could start your own blog for Pepper gossip. You guys are awesome!

~a~

kapusta, I think when you use free on you’re supposed to put in half the amount of honey because its not as sweet as antifreeze.

~a~

scuse me, kapusta? why wouldnt you come to me for shabbos? This is highly offensive!

~a~

BS”D

Re chulent with anti-freeze – see my posts in the soup recipes thread. Making chemical soup is fun.

Anti-freeze kills cats; if you do make anti freeze cholent don’t dispose of the leftovers where cats can get hold of it or you will incur the wrath of PETA.

The chulent was actually pretty good. I did get very high on it though and went to get checked out. The doctor said I look fine and should come back in 3,000 miles. 🙂

We actually called a truce on the condition that she will not air our dirty laundry on YWN and I’ll fold my Talis right after Shabbos.

Now about the girl losing her shoe at the revolving lounge story,

I dated a girl who told me this story happened to her friend.

this was way back!!

I’ve repeated it on dates & actually made an investigation with one girl during a date,

(I hope she doesn’t see this) we came to the conclusion that it’s highly unlikely if at all possible.

She would have to swing it off with force sending it whirling off the area

& have a waitresses kick it around like a soccer ball till it made its way off the

revolving platform….highly unlikely, so for all you PI’s out there, “MYTH”!

sorry! Typo, I meant waitress.. continue reading

bein_hasdorim: yes welcome back to you! 8 months is a long time to be gone from this loony bin!

ha ha! Look what you got yourself into, bein hasdorim!

believer: Leave it to the Dr. P’s. There ample supply is unending.

I considered putting this in the “Sh’luchei Mitzva Einan Nizokin” thread but I thought it might take away from the message that anonymisss was trying to convey.

When we were ready to get engaged the families couldn’t decide if we should “announce” our engagement right before Pesach or one week later on Chol Hamoed. (I won’t bore you with the reasoning since it has nothing to do with the story.)

The Tuesday after we decided to get “unofficially” engaged he was in a bad car accident but B”H walked away without a scratch (very shaken up though). The paramedics couldn’t believe that he was in the vehicle, let alone the driver! He was taken to the hospital anyway for x-rays and was sent home.

He was in good spirits when he called me that night and inevitably the discussion came up if we should have the L’Chaim the next night or wait until Chol Hamoed.

“I’m going to say this once and only one” I joked, “there is no way you are going to propose to me tomorrow night and then Bentch Gomel the next morning!”.

We waited until Chol Hamoed.

areivimzehlazeh: & Jax: Thanks 4 ur warm welcome,

I guess nobody else missed me except veimloachshuv.

Mrs. Dr. Pepper:

thanx 4 the invite, but i must warn you im allergic to antifreeze.

but being that there’s a Dr. on call It sounds enticing.

(despite all the warnings i got from my fellow YWN pal’s);)

I’m just worried he’ll have the same reaction & well both need medical assistance.

& don’t tell me i should come over to daddy in law,

that would be too much trouble.

Oh do I remember that story-

What a day that was, I’m driving down the street minding my own business when some kid decided that a stop sign is a mere suggestion. I totaled my mothers car, got sent to the hospital, got x-rayed…

I come home to call my kallah and tell her that I’m fine and she feels that it’s the right time (we weren’t even officially engaged yet) to let me know that she’ll be the one wearing the Talis and Tefillin of the house.

outtashidduchim is NOT one of my friends!!! whoever that is is obviously trying to get attention. i know for sure that its not true bec my friend did NOT marry the guy who she told the EZ pass story to, so nice try!!

someonse send a note to Charlie Brown, I think we need Lucy Van Pelt to visits the Pepper for a little counseling…

so mod 72 e mail him

Not sure if The Doc posted this or not (if he did feel free to skip it, I won’t be offended).

He was on a date with a girl he really didn’t want to go out with. The whole time she’s complaining about how she hates her boss because of an incident that happened recently (she only said her side of the story but even from that The Doc felt that she was 100% wrong). They got drinks, he opens his looks under the cap and says, “hey I won a free soda” and she said, “NO! we won a free soda”. (He was speechless, he thought she was about to propose.)

He couldn’t get her to stop complaining about her boss let alone stop talking so he just got up, started walking towards the car, opened the door and let her in.

To his relief after they got into the car she said, “you know, I really don’t think we were meant for each other”.

Later on she needed a tissue so he told her that Dr. Pepper Sr. keeps a travel size tissue box under the passenger seat. He’s not quite sure how this happened since he had his eyes on the road but as she leaned forward to get the tissues she wiped her nose in his jacket. He was very calm and asked if he should get it at the next red light but she said, “it’s OK, I don’t need a tissue any more”.

After he dropped her off he was a “Broiled Pepper” as he described himself and took a long ride around the Belt to let off some steam. After about an hour he was down to a “Red Pepper” and decided to go to Maariv. He walks into shul looking like a “Rotten Pepper” and ran right into her father who was also davening Maariv (and also knew where The Doc was for a few hours that evening and probably figured out who the culprit was that did that to him).

After Maariv he came home and my Mother-In-Law said to him, “that was a nice long date, aren’t you happy you listened to me and took her out!?”. Dr. Pepper Sr. knew something fishy was going on but didn’t quite figure it out until the next morning when he noticed that his sonny boy had put 75 miles on the car, considerably more that the 25 miles or so a trip to Manhattan and back should be.

He ended up going out with her again but that’s another story which will have to wait for a different time.

Why would he check the car’s mileage?

;

Oy, I know, that’s what I was thinking when he first told me the story.

Where do I start from?

It’s a long story…

The Doc is the oldest of a mid to large size family. There were a handful of siblings dating at the same time; The Doc, his twin brother and two sisters- the older was one year out of seminary and the other was fresh out of seminary. (Another brother was 19 or 20 at the time and wanted to start dating but Dr. Pepper Sr. convinced him to wait.) His twin is very Yeshivish and refused to take any names unless it came from a professional shadchan, and the sisters, being girls, were also also at the mercy of shadchanim.

One particular “professional” shadchan used to set him up with people that were like so not compatible and threaten him that she will not give any names to his siblings unless he went out with so and so. If he still refused she would reach into her grab bag of techniques (including, but not limited to, getting his Rebbe to convince him to change his mind and in one particular case she even called a friend of his who went out with her and told him that as teshuva for saying no to her he has to get him to go out with her).

Saying “NO” after the first date was also very tough. She would say stuff like, “you didn’t give it a fair chance”, and give him a hard time about it. Eventually he decided to act in a way where the girl would for sure say no and he’d be off the hook.

His parents couldn’t figure out what was going on but his younger brother, who either knew everything or knew how to find it out, offered to investigate. He called a friend of his from camp, who was a son of the Shadchan, and came back with the following information. I think it’s highly exaggerated so take it with a grain of salt.

Supposedly there were some rich parents of girls, who were not the brightest, yet they wanted their grandchildren to have a chance. They called this professional shadchan and offered large amounts of money if she could find the smartest guy for their daughter. The parents usually liked what they heard about The Doc; he wanted to learn long term, took davening and sedorim seriously and earned a secular degree so that if need be he’d have a means of supporting a family and he was known in Yeshiva as being a big masmid as well as intelligent and worldly. Poor guy, through no fault of his own he was stuck in the middle of all this. But he came up with hilarious things to do on a date (and he did it all very innocently) to make sure she said no.

With this particular girl, after she said straight out that they were not compatible he was relieved since he thought for sure she was going to say no. For some reason she said yes and they had to go out again. It turned into a soap opera (for no better way to describe it).

I’m pretty sure this happened with the same girl but can’t guarantee it. After he picked her up (it wasn’t the first date) they were deciding where to go and she asked if he could take her to a ball game. He’s really not a baseball fan so he explained that he doesn’t know what time the game would start or even if there is a game that night, and besides even if he could figure out how to get to the stadium and get tickets, a ball game wouldn’t be the best place to get to know each other. She let him get away with it but said, “after we get married I expect you to come with me to games”.

Next she asked him if he weighs over 200 lbs. “Why?” he asked totally shocked. “In one class I’m taking the teacher said we could get 5 extra points on our final if we give blood. I’m not eligible to donate blood for health reasons so he said that if I get someone else to give than I could still get the 5 points.”

“Aha, so why do you need to know if I’m over 200 lbs.?”

“Oh, the brochure said that the minimum weight is 100 lbs. so I was wondering if I brought you and you’re over 200 lbs. than you can give two pints and I’ll get 10 extra points!”

I’ll try to find out some more stuff over Shabbos.

… but on some airlines they do. LOL

BS”D

Still amounts to misuse of his uniform LOL and I would love to live in a place where the cops would do that. Wait a minute, I DO! Here and everywhere in the FSU, we have the best cops money can buy, but their fees are going up lately!

As for the blood donation and minyan, because of my white fur and 600 kilo weight, I get counted as four or five in any minyan and tend to stand wherever I want. (Fortunately I am not noheg to sit during any part of the davening). Blood, well, they take over three quarts from me at a time but the amount of 192 proof alcohol in my blood as well as my unique blood type means that the blood can only be used to anesthetize large ursines in the zoo.

Anyone who believes me can contact me for a shidduch, but you have to prepay $2000 and four hundred pounds of salmon (a week’s worth of meals) just to be considered for my shadchonis…or is it badchonis?