Funny Shidduch Questions Asked About a Boy/Girl/Family

I’m not one to be obsessed with dress / suit sizes, but I think a fair question to ask is, “is he / she within 10% of her / his size” (plus or minus, but divulging the actual number should not be done).

If bochur is topping 200+lbs, and his waistline is bigger than his chest diameter, I see no reason why he (or mom) should feel the need to ask for someone who does work on maintaining a healthy figure (I picked the boy and his mother as the chubby example, as the girls are usually in line)

Kol HaKovod to that boy’s father…and to that girl’s father for wanting (presumably) a Ben Torah for a son-in-law.

Re:member name Helpful

Post about Chasam Sofer

bThe stories of the chasam sofer and his shidduchim are very well known. His first wife while a tzadekess unfortunatly died young and childless, his second wife whom he had children with was the daughter of Rav Akiva Eiger ZTL.

I do not recall such a story, such as joking about fahering a father in law from his biographies. One excellent Bio published a few years ago is titled “The Light from the west” (I believe Feldheim published it)It is a translation into English from a bio written in Europe prior to the holocaust. Aside from a good read it also sheds light into the times and Tzaddikim in Europe that the Chasam Sofer grew up in, and gives valuable insight into the unbelievable persecution faced by Rav Nosson Adler ZTL, who was the prime Rebbe and father figure of the Chasam Sofer,from various Kehillos as he tried introducing minhagim such as saying Lecha Dodi(which as we all now know has become the norm to say in every shul Friday Night).

As an aside, it is easy to take for granted that the wide spread use of Lecha Dodi is a fairly recent phenomena given are long Jewish history.I am NOT an expert on the history of the Chasam Sofer but this does not sound like him. And again I am NOT 100% sure that you are mistaken. Please verify the story you posted otherwise this story could be an affront to the Chasam Sofer ZTL If what you wrote is true I apologize for hastily judging Kesiva Vechisima Tova

I actually read a shidduch for someone, and the boys sister said that she knows the girl i was reading to her brother and she can see the personalities “click” but she doesn’t think its a shidduch. End of that. I was trying to figure it out.

Ok mod ill change it 🙂

(i actually wrote redt first but i didn’t like the way it looked so i figured its the safest to write read)

Why don’t people ask questions about personality?

If people don’t, it’s because it is really hard to know what personalities will work with someone. Even worse, most of the words people use in describing personality have no meaning. Anyone who has dated more than a few times knows it’s just throwing darts.

My friends always repeated the conversation to me. It’s great. You get to see how the parent interacts in real life.

“So do you think she/he’s for me”.

The best answer, I think, is, why don’t you go out and find out if YOU think he/she’s for you.

helpful: the bochur became the Amshinover Rebbe shlita.

A boy, Moishe Wolfson, (name changed to protect the innocent) was going out while he was in the yeshiva dormitory. The girls father thought that it was very important that the boy his daughter was dating should have a good shachris attendance. So he decided to call the pay phone in the yeshiva that the boy was staying and ask whoever picked up how the boys attendance was. Unfortunately Moishes Shachris attendance was very bad, but as luck would have it the person who picked up the phone was non other than Moishe. This was the conversation that ensued:

Father: Hello, I was wondering if you know Moishe Wolfson? I have some shidduch questions to ask.

Moishe: Moishe, sure i know him really well. I would dare say that I know him as well as I know myself.

Father: Oh good, I really only have one question. How is his shachris attendance does he come on time.

Moishe: Mr. Schwartz, to tell you the truth i don’t get up on time all that much – on the average day i am late to shachris. But I can definitely tell you this – WHEN EVER I’M THERE HE’S THERE!

Needless to say – as all these stories end the went out and got married.

Oh my gosh, Goan- that is too funny, because i just posted the same story!!!!!!!!

This may have already been posted, but its so funny, I think its worth a possible re-post

This week’s Hamodia had a letter from a mother whose daughter is in shidduchim. The question pertained to the chrain on Shabbos:

is it brought to the table in:

a) the jar, right from the fridge

b) in a dish (Lalique, natch)

c) in a scooped out cucumber (no, I kid you not. This was the question)

My response to this would be “since when is chrain served with tuna fish (or sardines, depending on my mood, when asked the question)

And another funny answer to an old question just occured to me yesterday. When asked, which animal? I’d say without a moments hesitation:

a vilda chaya! (translation = wild animal)

It looses something when said in english, but take my word for it, vilda chayas often grow up to be the best spouses. To bad the question asker will never have the pleasure of meetin someone as real as that breed.

My wife and I tried setting up a friend of mine with a friend of hers. After doing his research he called me back and said, “thanks Avi, but I’m going to have to let you know that I’m not interested. I just found out that she has two names and by policy I only go out with girls that have only one name”.

In his defense- I know him well enough to know that it means that he did his research and feels that they are not for each other, however he doesn’t feel the need to discuss the reason with anyone else.

Dr. Pepper, is he married now? How many names does she have?

(btw, I can just see this being a new shidduch question. Or a mother not agreeing to a boy/girl with certain first names if the potential monogram might be out of proportion.)

*kapusta*

kapusta-

No, he’s not married yet.

A shadchan once called to tell my mother about a girl for me but didn’t say her first name. She explained that we should decide based on her middos and not kill it because of her name.

(I’d post it but I wouldn’t want to offend anyone during Elul. It wasn’t too bad either.)

Does that make me schizoid?

Not at all, Oomis –

To me it means that the jar was brought when you loaned your lalique to a neighbor, and the scooped out cucumber was done for the Shabbos Sheva Brachos you hosted. (See? Thats called being dan lchaf zechus!

my friend was asked the following about me:”what is the texture of her hair”.

some of these are so funny, others less so. i was once asked “if the potential Chosson were to tell you (give you mussar) about something regarding mitzvah observance different from what you are practicing, would you listen to him. ” I said We have our own Rav whom we follow and aren’t interested in being “Corrected” by this young man. I also got a little mad and gave the lady an earful about our families antecedents who were erliche yidden and mentioned some yichus which i never do, just because she made me so mad with that question. p.s. we are a frum from birth family, but obviously “not frum enough “

for them.

This isn`t a question but a ma’aseh that happened to me recently.

I learn every night in a certain beis hamedrash. Now many people turn up in our beis hamedrash just to chap a late mariv, fine. So there is this one particular ba’al habas who turns up every night for mariv. He always seems to sit near me, ok fine. After a few months we have schmoozed a few times and know each other to say hi. After several months he knows the basics about me, that I`m in college and my career plans. So one night he turns to me and says can we have a chat , I say sure no problem, but could just tell it was about shidduchim.

So a few nights latter we have this chat, it seems he had been asking around for suitable boys in my beis hamedrash. he asks me all sorts of questions and I try to give away has little has possible whilst finding out has much has I can.

I live out of town and so he asks me how often I am in town and how often I`m at home for shabbos? I mean who cares I keep shabbos the same wherever I am!

He then tells me actually he is looking for his neice who has all sorts of problems, he basically sas she’s not that bright or pretty and then that she has an almost opposite backround from mine. Do I want to go out with her?

I blew him of, and since then it looks like he has found a new minyan for mariv.

A whole scheme just to find out about me!!!

At least you have to admire his efforts!

The most adorable shidduch related story I ever heard goes like this.

A girl (a bit older) shows up to R Moishe Feinstein’s apartment

for a brocho from the Gadol Hador.

Alas there is someone in by the Rosh Yeshiva, and she was told by the Rebetzin that she’d have to wait a few minutes.

The Rebetzin attempting to make small talk with her to pass the time, asks what kind of a brocho she wanted from the R. Y.to which the girl replies she needs a brocho for a shidduch.

The Rebetzin asks her what she’s looking for in a husband.

She replies that she’s looking for a Talmid Chochom.

The Rebetzin continues and asks how old she is. To which the girl responds that she’s 24.

Rebetzin Feinstein looks at her with a twinkle in her eye and asks, “Eib azay, farvuss viltz du an achtzig yerege man?”!!!

(TRANSLATED: If you are 24 why would you want an 80 year old man?)

This one is a booboo I made when checking on a girl for my son:

I called the Rov of the Shul listed on the girl’s resume’ (which I’m not a big fan of).

I spoke to him for a few minutes trying to understand him as he spoke with much Yiddish mixed in and a real European and Chassidisha accent.

When I mentioned to him that the girl’s resume’ had a second Shul listed, he said, “Oh, no, day never Davin dear.” I said, “why, not?” He said, “Becuase dat Shul doesn’t haf a roof.” I said, “So what do they do when it rains?”

I kid you not….

I’m not the sharpest arrow of the bunch.

Ah K’Siva V’Chasima Tova

My mother tried setting up her friends daughter with a guy.

Her mother called back all offended after finding out that the guy is a carrier while her daughter is not.

My mother insisted that they go ahead with it anyway since it’s only an issue if both of them are carriers.

Her mother took offence at the suggestion and said it’s not up for discussion.

Later she realized that while she was thinking Dor Yeshorim the girls mother was talking about the Eruv.

I came to a girl’s house and her father said she’ll be right out. But meanwhile, what mesechta are you learning. I told him. He took out the gemora and wanted to farher me. So i looked at my watch and said oh my, it’s almost 8PM and i have ashiur now but I canceled it. But if you really are insistent about a talmid chochom, I’d better get back to my shiur. And I walked out. The shadchan was not very thrilled.

blinky-

In general that’s how Dor Yeshorim works, but anyone can go to their local lab, have the tests done and the results given to them.

Of course if two people are told that they are not compatible then they know that they are both carriers. They are supposed to keep it a secret but you know what ends up happening.

“Well you have to promise not to tell anyone because I did and so did the person who told me…”

Got you! by the way it reminds me of a story (im sure it was posted somewhere) where this girl is getting ready to go out and she’s deciding if she should close her top button. Yes, no, yes, no… finally she decides to leave it open. She goes in the car and the guy looks at her and says, ” close the button” She says, “oh i am so sorry i didn’t realize it was open..” And she closes her shirt button. The guy looks at her and tells her, ” I was actually reffering to the button by your window!”