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sunflower: what seems to be the confusion?
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Your TURN SIGNALS are for my enjoyment
Your village just called. They’re missing an idiot.
Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
Make love, not war; get married and do both!
Lord, give me patience… But Hurry!
Keep honking – I’m reloading.
It takes a Viking to Raze a Village
If it wasn’t for plumbers, you’d have no place to go.
Do not wash. Vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
my favorite of this group:
Think Yiddish, act British.
Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read?
Caution! Will brake for tailgaters.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
I’m the man of this house and I have my wife’s permission to say so
I want my rib back!
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Not afraid of heights – afraid of widths.
Previous owner had an honor student!
Veni, Vedi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
Unless you are the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Remember Lot’s wife
Nice front bumper you’ve got there. Shame if something happened to it…
Never play leap frog with a Unicorn.
My kid was Prisoner of the Month at Orange County Jail!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Dyslectics have more fnu
Clones are people, two
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!
Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor
COLE’S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage
When an agnostic dies, does he go to the “great perhaps”?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Isn’t it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
Who decided “Hotpoint” would be a good name for a company that sells refrigerators?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
i intend to live forever – so far, so good
Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
But besides that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. — Oscar Wilde
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do
the unnecessary
Don’t hate yourself in the morning — sleep ’till noon.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered.
“Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” — Kermit the Frog
When I want your opinion, I will give it to you.
ronrsr:
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
I like! 🙂
ron man ure on the roll!
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
To you I’m an atheist; to G-d, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
More from Ashleigh Brilliant, playwright, cartoonist, and synopsizer of knowledge in 17 words or less:
My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure
If you don’t like my opinion of you, you can always improve
Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth
Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and punches
Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to
Unless you move, the place where you are is the place where you will always be
ron:My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.
This week I heard on the news that Bonno from U2 (leader of yet another band from the UK) blamed the slow sales of their latest CD on the public “not understanding the music” The host went on to explain that artists used to blame the record company for the lack of success and now this guy is blaming the public.
Don’t ask me about Bonno or U2 because I’m not that into their music but I thought that piece of news fit right into one of ron’s lines.
;
What on earth are you doing for heavens sake!!!
My day is not complete,
until i terrify a complete stranger!
Just because you look that way
Doesn’t mean you have to act dumb!
It is better to have loved and lost,
than to live with a psycho
for the rest of your life!
Life is short,
eat dessert first
Even the cutest babies smell.
If government is the answer, it must have been a really stupid question.
Dear Mayan_Dvash,
it is a universal sentiment. There is an old yiddish proverb that says the same thing:
If a bride can’t dance, she blames the musicians.
Mind is a terrible thing
If you run in front of a car, you will get tired, if behind – exhausted.
My name is also Nachman, but I don’t stutter
saw one on a car in Wattertown, MA yesterday:
Mycology is mushrooming!
sammygol: That Nachman one is great!
Smile! Your government is watching
Well behaved people rarely make history
Don’t play stupid with me, I am better at it
Be nice to America, or we’ll bring democracy to your country
Don’t worry what people think; they don’t do it very often
I know what you are thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself
liked the na nach one,
here’s some more…
Why should I have to
press 1 for english?
Support your local search & rescue.
GET LOST
MY children are in this car.
BACK OFF
or i’ll make YOU ride with them.
It’s Bush’s Fault.
THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! COULD WE GET IT GOING AGAIN?? sorry i don’t have any funny things that i saw recently!
sleeveless undershirts: the right to bear arms
Does this burka make my hips look fatwa?
bein hasdorim i wish we could email obama and all his nutty workers those quotes. i was rolling!
Here are some, sorry if they were already posted:
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
A Grudge is a heavy load to bear
If you want what you have, you will always have what you want
Stress is when your gut says “no” and your mouth says “sure i’d be glad to”
I can resist anything but temptation
Taste makes waist
btw “dinner will be served at the sound of the smoke alarm” you may think it’s a joke but until we moved that’s how we knew dinner was almost ready. And erev shabbos- forget about it!
Rnrsr, THANK YOU! I am still laughing.
Those were all really funny!!!!
Embarrassing my children, a full time occupation.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
This thread is great for laughs…. THanks!
here’s a good one for old people with driveways
I’M OLD AND I’M COMING BACK
oh here’s another one i saw on a septic draining truck
WARNING!THIS TRUCK IS FULL OF POLITICAL PROMISES
ADVERTISEMENT:
***NEW*** TOTALY TRANSPARENT NON-VISABLE CLEAR PLASTIC TABLE CLOTHS
~~~The ultimate solution for families with both little kids AND at least 1 daughter over the age of 20.
To order Call the “Does her family use…?” Shiduch inovation center today
Here’s a funny bumper sticker it says on the top
YOU CAN’T SCARE ME
followed on the bottom with
I HAVE CHILDREN
Saw this one on a T-shirt, but it would make a good bumper sticker too:
Obama loves America like OJ loved Nicole
LAer
Yeah he loves us to death.
I put this sign up on my bedroom door:
If you have nothing to do,
don’t do it here!
Saw this one originally in Hebrew…
“Al ti’hiyeh tzodaik, Te’hiyeh Chacham!”
(Don’t be Right, Be Smart” — in driving situations)
and…
Four of the Five voices in my head
are telling me to clean my guns today…
and…
I LOVE CATS!
…they taste just like chicken!
saw these on T-shirts…
YES…
I DID wear this T-shirt yesterday!
WARNING!
I know Karate!
(and 5 other Japanese words)
“Don’t wait for six strong men to carry you to church”
sign at my optometrist’s office:
If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.
sign on a small urn at my physicians:
Ashes of patients who complained.
Bumper sticker I saw coming home from college twenty years ago:
Get really stoned, drink wet cement!
I laughed the whole way home.
“Please don’t honk. I’m running out of places to hide the bodies”
“Life is painless for the brainless”
“Buckle up
I wanna try something”
“Wife & Dog Missing Reward for Dog”
“I Had A Life But My Job Ate It”
“My Dog Is My Co-Pilot”
“I Had A Life But My Job Ate It” is now hanging by my desk in the office. Thanks tzum_zach!
d a
i wonder what your boss has to say about that?
<i>Additionally, under U.S. copyright law, copying copyrighted material for personal non-commercial usage falls under the “fair use” doctrine and is legal. Even if it is one friend copying for another, without any mass distribution involved.</i>
Not so, fair use does not cover copying entire works for your own enjoyment. It’s stealing.
italics:
<em>text</em>Mod, can you remind me how to put the < > thingys without it turning into italics or bold like you did above. Thanks!
And ronrsr, why is that post on this thread? Did you mean to put it HERE?
seen on a t-shirt:
Made in America
with Jewish parts.
Dieting is unhealthy – it makes you hungry
Honk if you believe in G-d
Text if you want to meet him.
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