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Posts
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Alternate History
Abe Lean Con
The slim president who fooled enough of the people some of the time.
Jester Arthur
The funniest president. Some say his administration was a joke.
Harry True Man
The president who stuck to his guns. The buck stopped there.
Ronald Ray Gun
The Star Wars president.
Mikhail Garbage Off
The Soviet premier who had a career in sanitation.
Nikita Cruise Chef
Carnival cruise lines employed this ex-Soviet premier after he was deposed.
Dan Fourth Quayle
The position in his graduating class V.P. Quayle occupied (out of a class of three)
Isoroku Yummy Moto
The Japanese version of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
Calvin Cool Lidge
Smearo T. Agnew
Millard Fill More
After his white house days were over, he opened a dental clinic.
James Knocks Polka
The president who hated accordion dances.
Pierre True Dough
Canadian prime minister, noted for his anti-counterfeiting efforts.
Pervez Moo Sheriff
Head law officer of the wild, wild east.
Mohandas Gumbi
Known for his flexibility, he was a leading proponent of non-violence.
ronrsr: all great ones! hilarious!
ICOT: welcome back to this fun word thread! sure missed your entertainment here! tonight’s are all superb!
ICOT: Love it!
My favorites – Abe Lean Con, Ray Gun, and Gumbi.
You are great!
Huge Gino Kneel – Titan of American Religious Playwrights.
Hector Barely Oats – composer of “Barely Oats and Dozey oats. . . “
Jacques Goose Toe – famed underwater scuba coach, suspended for odd behavior.
Ivan Toby Alone – famed cosmetic saleswoman in business by and for herself.
Eaty Amen – African ruler, implicated in mysterious disappearances of clergymen.
Father Nosebest – Clergyman/Detective.
Low Rents of Arabia – Saudi dealer in affordable housing.
Meyer Angel Loo – spiritual guardian of delicatessen washrooms.
ronrsr: nicely done tonight!
J. Pinpoint Morgan – Millionaire/Bombardier
“Hell” O’Dolly – Full o’ the devil Irish moving man.
Semimodo – The halfback of Notre Dame.
Haus Bayou – Dean, New Orleans School of Architecture.
Carp A. Diem – Industrious Vietnamese Fishmonger
Bill E. Jeanking – the new president of Levi-Strauss
Carmen Verandah – housepainter specializing in red porches.
Maida Best-Manwyn – Pioneering female boxer, born of Brooklyn/English parentage.
Ouida Peephole – gossip-monger and writer of preambles.
NY Mom-
Jax-
Thank you.
To give credit where it’s due, “Don’t let RayGun near the button” was a Democrat slogan from the 1980 campaign (Their theme was that Reagan was a warmongering old fool, who would start WW III – there was another campaign ad showing a blinking red phone based on the same idea. Hey – “Daisy” worked vs. Goldwater [“Daisy” can be seen on youtube]).
I forgot:
Isoroku YamaMotorola
Advocate of Pearl Harbor radio silence, subsequently made a fortune in electronics.
Chiang Kai Shreck
Ogreish Chinese (later Taiwanese) leader. Must’ve had an obsession with the calendar, since he was often heard muttering about a “long March”, even though we all know that March always has 31 days.
ronrsr-
Lol (literally).
Excellent!
Nerd-person
The voice someone uses when explaining something technical or generally nerdy.
Caricaturization
The process of conveying exaggerated information about characters in narative or dramatic works, while oversimplifying other information about the character.
10 WORDS THAT DON’T EXIST, BUT SHOULD:
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’ trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
4. ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.
man
1.
board
Ans. = man overboard
Okay, let’s see if you’ve got the hang of it.
stand
2.
i
Ans. = I understand
OK ..
Got the drift ?
Let’s try a few now and see how you fare
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines
4.
r
road
a
d
Ans. = cross road
Not having a good day now, are you ?
Redeem yourself.
5. cycle
cycle
cycle
Ans. = tricycle
0
6.
M.D.
Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero
C’mon give it a little thought ! !
7. knee
light
Ans. = neon light
( knee – on – light )
U can prove u r smart by getting this one.
8. ground
feet feet feet feet feet feet
Ans. = six feet underground
Oh no, not again ! !
9. he’s X himself
Ans. = he’s by himself
Now ur messing up big time.
10. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance
Not even close ! !
11. death ….. life
Ans. = life after death
Okay last chance ……………….
12. THINK
Ans. = think big ! !
And the last one is real fun – – –
13. abababababababababababababababababababab….
Ans. = long time no ‘C’
gobbledygook= n./adj. nonsense
funambulist = n. tightrope walker
jillick = v. to skip stones across water
hornswoggle = v. to decieve
bugaboo = n. something that causes baseless fear, also, a false belief used to intimidate. it’s slightly ironic but sort’ve reminds me of the water company Evian, which is really expensive, and naive spelled backwards.
let’s have a little fun with the last one:
brobdingnagian = adj. enormous, immense (don’t embarrass yourself by trying to impress somebody and using it in a sentence)
The post office received a letter with the following address:
Wood
John
Mass
and they delivered it correctly.
Where to?
John Underwood
Andover, Mass.
OdOoOmO
Dominoes.
MEREPEAT
Repeat after me.
GR12″AVE
One foot in the grave.
insult+injury
Adding insult to injury.
ronrsr: well done!
ICOT: Got any that are in the Purim mode?
TERRIFIC!
? ? ? ? ? ???????? ????? ? ? ? ?
Laining
Driving down the very center of a narrow two-lane avenue. This behavior can be observed in Brooklyn on 13th and 14th avenues as well as aves. N and O.
Grogger
Dispenser of cheap wine.
Pseu-dough
The gold-foil-covered chocolate coins distributed in shalach manos.
Sioux da
A Russian-speaking native American.
Grape Jews
Ahmadinejad (ym”s)
Honkee
One who pulls their car over for a nanosecond to deliver a shalach manos in Boro Park or Flatbush.
Rubber
Halfback
Hungover
A common state of waistlines (and heads) after the sueda.
Roil tea
Stirring your hot drink with a spoon.
Sinister
? ? ? ? ?? ????? ??? ? ? ? ?
Cohenstoga Wagon: heavy vehicle used by Jewish pioneers wearing castoff Roman garments.
Deligate: to send someone else out for sandwiches.
Geritoll: discount given to senior citizens on the Turnpike.
Kuwait-watchers: a group favoring oil-price reduction.
Taxiom: A quotable phrase heard from a cabdriver.
Impasta: an illegal alien from Italy.
Psychlone: A brain storm.
Skid Drive: the place in Beverly Hills where the poor people live.
lacksicon – made-up words, such as these, that fill obvious gaps in the language.
baglag – arriving at your destination before your luggage.
Bar Akko Bomber — I know there’s a joke there, I just don’t yet know what it is.
B. Rocco ‘bama
Jo’ Bidin’ – ditto
Jew Bidin’ – standing at the door of the synagogue, waiting for a minyan.
Franz Romenson Kuntriman – a good chap who would not only give you the shirt off his back, but would also lend you an ear. He came to seize her berry, not to praise it.
ronrsr-
Your best ones yet!
The other day in the supermarket I heard some folks discussing, commenting on and praising your latest.
From the dairy and automotive section: egg-sealant.
From a lady examining parsley: soup-herb.
From someone checking out data recovery in the software aisle: app-loss.
Near the sunglasses rack: spec-tacular.
Keep up the good work.
ICOT – You were so funny, I laughed so hard I started coffee-ing!
? ? ?
eskimono – a robe worn on very cold nights.
newspeeper – one who reads a newspaper or magazine over your shoulder.
fobia – a fear of spelling bees.
Milkshake- what a nursing baby spits up after being all shaken up…
Curie-O’s – radioactive cereal that goes snap, crackle and boom.
Uptite – followers of Upt, patron saint of the nervous.
Cluggernaut – a loud person with large, noisy shoes.
Bark Obama – How Bo,the first dog, greets his master.
Adar has turned to Nissan (the month formerly known as Datsun), and I have turned my thoughts to bad Pesach puns. Here’s the first draft:
Mao-sez (Moses) – Egyptian version of Mao’s “Little Red Book.”
Ferro – he ruled Egypt with an iron fist.
Diane Nu – Young woman who is always asking, “Wuzzup?”
Fear Kashas – Buckwheatophobia.
Basket of Reeds – where the trash is placed in the Senate Majority Leader’s household.
Mitz-Rayim – New Rayim flavored juice, popular in Israel now.
Someone else better contribute soon, mine are only getting worse.
Ma-Roar – what happens when you accidentally knock your wine filled becher
over the couch.
DIS-KVELLIFIED (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.
CHUTZPAPA (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby’s diaper.
RE-SHTETLEMENT (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo as you.
DISORIYENTA (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
GOYFER (n.) A Gentile messenger.
HEBORT (v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
JEWDO (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot.
MEINSTEIN – slang. “My son, the genius!”
MISHPOCHADOTS (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception.
YIDENTIFY (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis or Taylor.
MINYASTICS (n.) Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a minyan.
FEELAHWFUL (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel.
IMPASTA (n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover.
KINDERSHLEP (v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.
SHOFARSOGUT (n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.
JEWBILATION (n.) Pride in finding out that one’s favorite Celebrity is Jewish.
TORAHFIED (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
ronrsr-
“Adar has turned to Nissan (the month formerly known as Datsun)…“
1) Yes, we had to B210 years in Mitzrayim.
2) If Nissan is the name of Datson, what are the names of the other three sons?
(after lines like that one, anonymity is especially appreciated ?)
YW Moderator-42-
A+
I was literally chuckling (not shukeling, it’s too early to daven) while reading them.
zenzizenzizenzic – the eighth power of a number
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