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Sushi: If your intention is to embarrass me, you didn’t. I don’t think I need you to judge my English especially in a forum like this–it’s not a term paper
a forum like this–it’s not a term paper
Then why did you criticize the OP?
There are several people like this that I know and im sure many exist. They are in yeshiva but their parents cant give them a wedding or help out with rent or buy them food or pay medical bills, so they work as little as they have to and learn whenever they can.
I know someone who did this and is now in medical school also, so sometimes they go all out and say, if I have to work, im really going to work and go the other extreme.
I know someone else who managed to make 80k a year in business, and now only works 2-4 hours a day in it and learns as much as he can. A wise girl would not dismiss a mature and rounded person.
newbee – Unfortunately, 80K doesn’t begin to reach what a frum family (with children) needs to “make it”, especially if one pays full tuition (I know, they are stooges, but there are still some out there who believe in it). Most of the time if one works, it has to be “all out” just to pay the Yeshivos, let alone seminaries, weddings, and sons in law in Kollel.
Gavra, he’s talking about a bachur.
DY – I’m not so certain. Besides, if it is a Bochur who had his own business, made it successful, and then scaled back, what was he doing out of Yeshiva in the first place?
“Unfortunately, 80K doesn’t begin to reach what a frum family (with children) needs to “make it””
I know many frum families though that make it on that.
Explain?
12k+ per child tuition. ‘Nuff said. Gavra’s correct that 80k isn’t enough for the average frum family.
newbee – I’d like to see an explanation of finances before claiming that they “make it”. Depending on where you live and how many children you have, 80K (pre-tax) may not even cover tuition.
If you want a simple explanation, they are either 1: have 0-1 children (maybe 2), or 2: not paying tuition (either by getting a break or discount for being a school employee, in which case the “non” tuition is really post-tax income).
So if he makes 80 and the wife makes 50-80 also, they should both be fine no? I know these families are surviving somehow. I dont know if its pre or post taxes, he only told me he makes 80.
I find it troubling how some people view it as either learn torah and let the wife support you or get a job and support your wife and only learn an hour or 2 a day. Why cant it be a little of each?
Because nobody wants to hire someone to work for them only 2 hours.
newbee: So sure, the husband can make zero and the wife 500K. Doesn’t mean anything.
I find it troubling how some people view it as either learn torah and let the wife support you or get a job and support your wife and only learn an hour or 2 a day. Why cant it be a little of each?
If someone can pull it off, Kol HaKavod. Harbei Asu V’lo Alsu B’Yadam.
hu? you said 80k is not enough. I meant he makes 80….and she also makes 80. but he also learns for a large part of the day.
and if you say 160k is not enough- how do kollelman do it who dont work at all and have 6 kids and their wife works as a teacher?
They owe money.
They have their tuition subsidized by the gvir who sponsors children for free tuition.
I’m in my early 20’s and would be very happy to marry a working boy who learns seriously. I am v frum but don’t want a long-term learner. Don’t know if they exist though, if they find it so hard in shidduchim not sure why – there are other girls like me as well. its the shadchanim who decide who have a monopoly on the situation and not much we can do about it:(
Unfortunately even good working boys are often made to feel like outsiders. More often than not this leaves them with no one to hang out with other than others who are on the outsiders, which is why a good working boy is so rare.
Has anyone accumulated the data about bochurs and kollel guys and how long it takes after they join the workforce to start paying their own way (with and without contributions from their wives)? To put it another way, where is the next generation of moneyed fathers and fathers-in-law coming from?
When i started going out i was working. I was working not because i had to but because i wanted to. I identified myself as a learning boy who happened to be working.
I went to a shadchan and said I wanted a girl who wants to live in israel short term, wouldnt mind a good yeshivishe boy who happens to be working. You know what she said? She said there is noone out there for you.
BTW I said tehillim hachida for a couple of months before I started thinking about going out.
Two weeks later I found a girl who wanted a frum learning working guy.
Just daven and you will find it.
First of all ??? ??? to whoever started this conversation….
It gave me alot insight into the world I am up against….
does anyone know any specific good shadchanim in Israel that works with these good smart yeshivish guys that decided to join the work force….. I know a few friends that are looking for these guys described above but dont know who to contact.
So if there are so many learning/earning guys out there that are looking for a good yeshivish girl and also girls that both dont know who to turn to…. maybe we should try and help…
So… I would really appreciate if if anyone that knows good shadchnim would forward their number to me.
Thanks!!!!
honestywins: you sound like you have a head on your shoulders! Shout out to you on being honest with yourself and not falling prey to the peer pressure of the many, many girls who return from seminary with the mindset that they must marry a full time learner and support the family both financially and emotionally. Hatzlacha to you in this confusing and disappointing world of shidduchim!
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