- This topic has 12 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 2 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Honestly, are you sincerely mochel those who have done you wrong and show no real indications of remorse?
Honestly, with everyone it is very hard! Esspecually this year cuz I finnaly let go of a grudge ive had for 8 years! It was very hard, but I think ive finnaly done it!
?ns ?o suo?????do ?o p??? pu? ‘??p???? ‘??puno? ???
(319bu?ddo?s) 319[$]
[$]613 (Shopping613)
The Founder, Awarder, and Head of Operations of SUC
No, but I am trying to. It’s especially hard when they not only don’t show remorse, but think they are right in their behavior and would hurt you all over again. I’m supposed to forgive them because they are only shlichim, but I’m not very good at it yet.
Just as convinced you are that you are in the right and the other party wronged you, he may be equally convinced you are in the wrong and he doesn’t forgive you.
Who is to say you are right and he needs your forgiveness? Perhaps he is in the right and you, in fact, need his forgiveness.
Honestly this is how I really truly try to view it. “kish echad beleiv echad”. We are all part of eachother. I try to realize that no matter how bad of a thing someone did to me, I’ve done plenty things I’d like to take back and you cant always, and as much as you may not be happy with what they’ve done, hashem is the one that really controls everything, and he really knows why someone did something, and I have absolutely no right to judge them/ not forgive them for something. Besides this point like I said we are all like one person, I wouldnt want to do something wrong to my arm, like hurting it by doing something stupid to myself, and if something happened to it, i’d want to try to help it as much as I can. The same thing with one of hashems creations of klal yisroel, were all part of hashems world and if one of them did something wrong to me, I hope to think that I’d want to try to forgive them to the best of my ability. K’siva Vichasima tova!
I try to, and usually I can, but sometimes it can be very difficult. What really helps with forgiveness is realizing that in the bigger picture, everything that happens is for our good, and there is no reason to be upset at someone else.
avhaben, you are unfortunately missing out on an important truth: Asking forgiveness, and in fact, apologizing, is NOT dependent upon being right or wrong.
I know someone whose brother was murdered and they told me they forgave the murderer. I couldnt understand why, that beast KILLED your brother.
They told me if they did not forgive him, every second of their life would be in anger of the murderer and it would consume them and they might seek a life of revenge.
However they would not forget
We leart in halacha that if its too hard to be mochel someone u shud just wosh that nothing bad will happen to the person due to what they did to you
i usually do, though it can be veeeeeeery hard sometimes and require days of working through it til i am able to forgive. Not forget always, but move on, not hold the anger or pain against them really anymore. Turns anger to sadness and then i work on letting that go. I try to not let new pain build up on old ones.
This year i’m stuck. I’m not ready to forgive s/o who has hurt me repeatedly and deeply this year, and not ready to ask mechila for my actions to them. And i dont know what to do with those emotions now, coming in to rosh hashana. 🙁 advice appreciated, but please dont bash me, i dont need any more of that right now, and it wont help me.
I believe that if the person who wronged you doesnt ask for mechila or isnt sorry than you have no obligation to be Mochel.
they will ask i think tomorrow. But i’m not ready to forgive. They dont really know or acknowledge maybe how much they’ve hurt me. But even what they do know…
SaysMe – I wrote a letter telling them how hurt I am (they may not know) and how I want to forgive but am having trouble doing so. I am hoping that it will give them the understanding of the damage they have done to me and that they will give me something to work with to help me forgive (a reason, a different perspective etc). Maybe just having an exchange with them will dull the pain. Maybe. I will see.
the last time i tried having a convo about our hurts it quickly soured. But i do like the letter idea. Maybe if i’d just write it out, not neccesarily even send it, it’d help me. It’s a complicated situation this one. They know i am hurting, but i dont think they know how much. I doubt i know how much they are hurting either. But at the same time, i dont feel right telling them how deeply i am hurting. Theres also a fear that the tables will just be turned on me and i’ll leave more frustrated, like that last time i tried having that convo.
I hope the letter and exchange will make a difference for you and change things. Hatzlocha!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.