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I notice a lots of postings here about dating and shidduchim. Must say the discussion often focusses on appearances, esp the girls.
Just to say first appearances are deceptive as we all know, but sometimes on a date they can overshadow things and prevent natural conversation. A girl was described perhaps superficially by a shadchan as having ” model good looks”, the dates this girl had were not to her liking, they spoke at her about their achievements and aspirations, not to her. The shadchan couldn’t understand the reasosn why she turned them down. Yes looks help but sometimes they can STOP the right person and act as a GREEN LIGHT to the wrong one. Has anyone else had similar experiences
If a guy talks AT his date and not to her or with her, then he is not connecting irregardless of her looks, IMHO.
And if the guy is just discussing himself and not interested in finding out more about her, that’s nothing to do with her looks either; it’s more about his character.
It may be wise to point this out to him respectfully and how it makes you uncomfortable- see if it helps. If not, just let it go.
I think you are definitely correct when you say that looks can some times prevent natural conversation. Whether the look is good or whether something bothers you, it’s very hard to have a normal conversation when you are concentrating on the looks. This is why I was told by Rebbi to go on walks or take a nice drive while dating. It’s definitely easier to be yourself when you’re walking, and not just sitting which could get a little awkward at times. And I could say from my own dating experience that the walks on the boardwalk or in the park were some of my best moments.
What makes a moment, a best moment? Either you are gonna marry her or you are not.
“best moment” -sounds as if you date for the fun of it… Or you are just starting to get a feel of the waters..
“Whether the look is good or whether something bothers you”- It seems as though you are simply intimidated by good looks.. If you are not a shallow person and are able to look at the serface and beyond it, you will go far. looks that are not to your liking shoukd not be dating material for you at all, just to have a good moment.. you should request a few photos prior to the date… so as not to lead the guy or girl on, when you start dating each other and you like each others personality and the looks are not to your liking…
If a guy/girl is not comforatble on the date to look at the other in the eye while they are talking and have to go on a walk the entire time, to avoid eye contact…- there’s a few issues there… there is no tznius issue when it comes to dating to look at the other’s face!
Let me just clarify. What I meant by “best moments” is that those (walks) were usually the most comfortable times of my dates. The OP mentioned that “sometimes on a date they can overshadow things and prevent natural conversation”, and I was just suggesting an idea for people that have this problem, although I wasn’t answering the OP’s qustion.
Smick- most people are not comfortable with there pictures being sent around. And looks could be deceiving. Sometimes someone doesn’t go for a look on a picture or even on a first date, but once you get to know the person and like his/her personality, you start to like the look. And just because someone doesn’t like a look, it doesn’t necessarily make him shallow. Just my opinion.
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