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When I was in HS our teachers told us its not tzniyus to pick up boys looking for a hitch… even if we feel bad ;). After I got married I figured it may be OK…(not sure why, but thats usually how things work right?) Today I was driving in the rain and I saw a boy looking 4 a hitch. I instinctively didnt stop, as I had trained myself to do from my sheitle-less days, but a few feet too late I started feeling terrible.. the poor kid was all wet with a misrable face on.. Im still feeling really bad..
Whats ur take on it? Should I feel guilty or would that have been the right thing to do regardless of my sheitle or the rain?
i think you shud pick them up but dont start conversation
You did right, as hitching should be discouraged. No matter what the gender.
A yeshiva guy anyways wouldn’t go into a car with a female (only).
After I got married I figured it may be OK…(not sure why, but thats usually how things work right?)
I know of nothing which is more muttar after you are married.
Except things which have a direct relation, like the heter of ???? ????, which is only possible if you are married.
How old is he? I feel over fifteen is not worthwhile and can be dangerous. There have been some very sad stories with hitchhikers and givers. They’ve been here on YWN
In broad daylight, or other clear cut no issues of yichud situation, I stop and offer a ride to anyone looking for one, male or female. If they are uncomfortable getting in the car with me, they can decline the offer.
i agree with u bpt a very dangerous thing to do
Sometimes it’s harder to do the right thing.
S2021- you did right. Giving/taking a hitch is NEVER ok. No matter to whom.
If that boy would need a ride desperately, he couldve taken a car service.
Uhu! Except if you know each other and feel safe enough to take/give the hitch.
s2021: The opposite. It is the same.
I think you are misreading my first post.
I used to give hitches.
Whatever else she is, any woman who picks up a hitchhiker, no matter how frum or otherwise deserving he looks, is nuts. A woman (or man, for that matter) who picks up a stranger is putting herself/himself in jeopardy, and a married person with children who picks up a hitchhiker is being utterly irresponsible to her/his spouse and children. It’s that simple. Most gentiles understand this, as well as most Jews. I am flabbergasted that there are some frum Jews who cannot grasp this. Tznius/shmius – who wants to die and have his/her death reported on the evening TV news, even if neither you nor any of your friends owns a TV?
Sure.
I do not think a married woman should be less careful about her interactions with a man than a single woman should.
Even in places where hitching is part of life like in monsey one should never give a hitch to the oppossit gender to protect the innocent ad the guilty, there is a story about man who gave a hitch to a woman from BP to Willi and he turned around in the middle of the way, the woman jumped out of the car in panic and the driver claims all he did was trying to change lanes..
A man and a woman alone together in a car is a definite yichud problem.
Here’s a true hitching story that happened to a close relative: He was approached on one of the major shopping avenues by a no-longer-married female neighbor. She asked for a ride home. He said, “Sure, I just have to pick up my wife first.” She said, “Oh, forget it then.”
Perhaps she was really in a hurry and thought waiting for his wife would delay them too much, but it gave my relative a very bad feeling, that had he given her a ride there would have been serious consequences.
ursula:
huh? Maybe she just didn’t want to wait while he picked up his wife.
s2021: Maybe a 40 year old single woman can also give rides to 16 year old guys. I don’t know. In any event, I don’t see why it is better if she is married.
Do you wear a shaitel?
I usually can’t even tell if someone’s wearing a shaitel or not.
Out Of The Mailbag – To YW Editor (Please Read Entire Article)
Although this woman only had “minor” injuries and spent three days in the hospital, still some food for thought. I think there were more stories here on YWN.
If her husband would be a Kohen, would she have to divorce?
Could this have caused major psychological problems?
Could this have caused major sholem bayis problems, due to a feeling of disgust?
I never give rides to strange men and I told my daughters the same thing. not safe.
This is kinda what married means to me…
Old
Yunchie
Taken
Everything she says sounds like his mother
Not that I think I give off that impression, but its closer to that end once theres a shaitle on her head..
Firstly, the last sentence is key here, “not that I think I give off that impression”.
Secondly, it just doesn’t work like that.
I never give rides to *anyone* whom I don’t know (or who doesn’t know a passenger in my car). I know that I’ve caught flack for this attitude on these boards before, but I don’t care… safety trumps giving someone a ride.
That being said, I find this attitude a bit puzzling. The OP said:
When I was in HS our teachers told us its not tzniyus to pick up boys looking for a hitch… even if we feel bad ;).
If the teacher had said that you don’t give a man a ride for safety reasons, I could have understood it. But to say that you don’t do so for reasons of tzniyus is a bit puzzling to me.*
Once you’re willing to dismiss the safety issues, why should the mitzvah of gemilas chasadim be any less? Would her teacher also advise ignoring a poor man and not giving him tzedaka because it’s “not tzniyus” to talk to him? Would she advise not helping an old man who slipped on the ice because of tzniyus (assuming, of course, that no one was around to help)?
The Wolf
* This is assuming that there won’t be any problems with the issur of yichud such as driving in deserted areas for extended periods.
Wolf – Maybe the teacher was reffering to when the hitcher wasn’t a stranger.
Wolf: Safety issues for a girl picking up a guy (and not a girl) = tznius issues. That’s the cause. Teachers teach high schol girls thought, not common sense (saftey).
Also, you don’t see the difference between giving tzedaka and helping a guy get dressed?? You know it’s not all equal
Wolf: Safety issues for a girl picking up a guy (and not a girl) = tznius issues. That’s the cause. Teachers teach high schol girls thought, not common sense (saftey).
I disagree. I think that if there are safety issues, then they should be taught as such. By making it a tzniyus issue, you are encouraging people to not to chesed when it is, in fact, warranted. A young girl taught to ignore a boy shivering in the rain could just as easily ignore an old man who has slipped on the ice and cannot get up.
Also, you don’t see the difference between giving tzedaka and helping a guy get dressed?? You know it’s not all equal
Who said anything about helping someone get dressed? By pointing out the fact that I understood that if there were yichud issues, I thought I made the point clear that chessed shouldn’t always be unrestrained and that there are proper occasions to abstain.
The Wolf
Wolf – Maybe the teacher was reffering to when the hitcher wasn’t a stranger.
I fail to see the difference.
Again, once you’re dismissing safety issues, I fail to see why she should not offer him a ride (again, barring issues of yichud).
The Wolf
Popa is correct. It seems to me that from a halachic standpoint it is more problematic for a married woman to be alone with a man in a car than for an unmarried woman. If, and it’s a big if, yichud applies the absolute worst thing that could happen to an unmarried woman is that there might be a saffek qidushin requiring a get. A married woman might actually asser herself to her husband.
That said, there are also real considerations of safety. Just because someone is wearing the levush doesn’t mean he’s OK. Bottom line, don’t pick up hitch hikers unless you know them personally and, even then, execise care.
edited
Wolf – You fail to see the difference between giving a ride to a stranger and to someone you know?
By making it a tzniyus issue, you are encouraging people to not to chesed when it is, in fact, warranted. A young girl taught to ignore a boy shivering in the rain could just as easily ignore an old man who has slipped on the ice and cannot get up.
I think there may be a misconception. Chesed is not optional. When we are approached for tzedoka, and we can give, we must. Same with other chesed. However, there are things which are lifnim m’shuras hadin. For instance, a ride for a bocher who is not handicapped. He can go home later. He can take a cab. Etc etc. In that case a girl should be taught to value tznius over lifnim mishuras hadin, since that’s what the halocha dictates.
raphael kaufman- Can you elaborate on what you assert- “safeq kiddushin”for an unmarried woman and “issur of the woman on her husband” with a married woan.. Do you have ANY sources on what to base thes truly amazing assertions?
Wolf – You fail to see the difference between giving a ride to a stranger and to someone you know?
Once you dismiss the inherent safety issues?
Actually, I do see a difference — but contrary to your point. I would think that one *should* give a ride to someone they know over a stranger.
The Wolf
rabbiofberlin,
The “issur of the woman on her husband” is true if the husband is a ??? or if she is not an ?????.
The first part I also fail to understand.
Wolf – Maybe the teacher was reffering to when the hitcher wasn’t a stranger.
I fail to see the difference.
Aside from the inherent difference in the realm of tzniyus (there’s a concept of ??? ?? ??), if the teacher was referring to someone known to the driver, there might not be a safety issue, only a tzniyus issue.
Wolf – what saftey issue is there with someone you know?
rabbiofberlin,
Just to clarify, I assume Raphael Kaufman, when he says, “the absolute worst thing that could happen”, means if the relationship started in the car develops further.
DY – Thats my point.
Wolf – what saftey issue is there with someone you know?
None. The point was that the teacher *didn’t* address it as a safety issue.
I have no problem with it from a safety issue — heck, I don’t pick up strangers (of either gender) myself.
The Wolf
Wolf – Back to my original post – How do you know the teacher wasnt addressing this point? Maybe she was only talking about the tznius issue regarding people you know. (and certainly strangers are an issue)
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