Facebook Is To Blame For Rising Orthodox Jewish Divorce Rate?

In case anyone’s interested, here are the “10 plagues of Facebook” by Rav Shlom Aviner:

3. Advertisements. Facebook is sponsored by advertisements, some of which are disgusting, full of offensive language and sexual immodesty, provoking people to commit acts that are base, coarse and forbidden.

4. Crime. Since the information is out in the public domain and available to all, all sorts of unsavory people take advantage of it for evil: identity theft for the sake of extorting monetary contributions; for convincing people to come to rendezvous where they will be robbed; as well as the use made by various types of sexual perverts; for sending junk mail, and for racist groups that encourage hatred.

5. Addiction. Facebook is the fifth biggest cause of addition in the world. 400 million people in the world are addicted to it, and 2.5 million in Israel use Facebook. 75% of youth are regular users. Facebook addicts can spend 4-5 hours a day on it.

6. Loss of time. Time is one of the most precious things in life. A person thinks he is

going into Facebook for a moment, and he may be stuck there for long hours.

8. Exhibitionism. A person develops a longing to be seen by others, to share glances and find favor in the eyes of imaginary, virtual friends. He constantly updates his personal profile in order to increase his popularity. He strikes an alluring pose and has his picture taken in order to draw attention to himself. He becomes enslaved to finding favor in the eyes of others, and to being seen by them.

I wasn’t describing my parents marriage. But my parents had friends that stayed together for the kids. A divorce was considered a shanda. It’s not that way now, particularly in the shidduch generation. There are a number of families in my town whose kids were married at 19 divorced by 21. Among the reasons: immaturity, misrepresentation during the shidduch process. Also, girls come back Israel where seminaries fill their heads with idealized ideas of marriage but do not equip them with the knowledge that there will bumps in the road and the tools to enable them to deal with issues without going right to divorce

This is slightly off-topic. Sorry.

Those of you who don’t subscribe to the “Daily Dose of Kindness” may have missed this story, so I wanted to share it.

A woman I met through mutual friends and interests on Facebook somehow started explaining how her friend couldn’t afford new glasses, and was wandering through her life not seeing properly.

The two of us pooled resources to give this woman money for an eye check up and new glasses.

I love the feeling that somewhere, there is a woman who can see because I was able to help.

My wife once helped make someones wedding through facebook. There is a large amount of chesed that goes on over there and i dont view it as something inherently good or bad. I still have not really heard any cogent arguments to the contrary. Most people who bash facebook don’t seem to really understand how it works which tends to negate large portions of their argument.

Most people who bash facebook don’t seem to really understand how it works which tends to negate large portions of their argument.

You don’t need to know how a nuclear bomb works to know that it’s a very dangerous thing. Nuclear bombs aren’t inherently good or bad either, but you wouldn’t want most people having access to them.

Haifagirl, if the same building had a wedding hall and an establishment for pritzus, do you think the “charedi oilam” would patronize the hall?

@DY and @ health the argument you are making is no different than the argument many have made against the internet in the first place – if you choose not to have the internet kol hakavod. But facebook is just like the internet in that regard – it isnt for everyone but if used with the proper gedarim it can be used for great things. My point was singling out facebook and making hyperbolic arguements dont help anyone – ie facebook is like a disco or facebook is a primary cause of divorce. In general those type of arguments tend to make the people who make them look unintelligent and dont have a very high likelihood of convincing anyone.

I found the subject of this thread rather amusing. It’s the old line that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. The gun has many beneficial uses, and I bet so does facebook. I know that computers do. But, as with much else in life, there are risks. So the uses of these things must always be with caution, safeguards, and limitations. Those unable to control when they will use these things, or how much, or what they may do with them should restrict themselves. Think of it as an allergy. Someone allergic to peanuts must refrain completely because of the risks, while someone else can eat as much as he/she wants. With proper guidelines, internet can be used properly, safely, and to the benefit of all. Some just cannot manage to stay within kosher limits. They either refrain, establish boundaries, or they risk falling into some serious traps. Facebook is not the problem. It’s misuse can be seriously problematic.

I do not use Facebook or any other social network.

jbaldy22 -“@DY and @ health the argument you are making is no different than the argument many have made against the internet in the first place – if you choose not to have the internet kol hakavod. But facebook is just like the internet in that regard – it isnt for everyone but if used with the proper gedarim it can be used for great things. My point was singling out facebook and making hyperbolic arguements dont help anyone – ie facebook is like a disco or facebook is a primary cause of divorce. In general those type of arguments tend to make the people who make them look unintelligent and dont have a very high likelihood of convincing anyone.”

First of all -I’m not interested in convicing anyone.

Second of all, IMHO FB is worse than the net. Yes you can be in a disco doing Kosher things like a Shidduch date, but the place affects you. You can be on FB doing Kosher things, but the place can affect you easier than the Net. On the Net you have to go to bad places -they almost are never coming to you. On FB the way I understand it is anybody can come to you. It’s much more of a harder Nisayon.

This is what i meant by proper gedarim. You are able to deny friend requests without the other person knowing (just press ignore). A general rule of thumb is to not allow members of the opposite gender (outside of your spouse) to be friends with you. If you stick to that you are fine. In addition my wife has access to my facebook account and can see it when ever she wants to.

@Health I dont really understand your going to facebook affecting you thing or people coming to you thing is – I have had facebook for 6 years and have never had that experience. There are privacy settings on facebook which can make you unsearchable if thats what u want. I think you might be confusing facebook with myspace which had some of those issues?

Finally saying facebook is like a disco is sophistry (like many other internet related mesholim). There is nothing inherently wrong with facebook.

I love facebook and there is absolutly nothing wrong with it. and to all you ludicrous people, first find out what facebook really is, then you can rip on it.

In the Megila we just read, Mordechai tells Esther that if she doesn’t step up and seek an audience with Achashverosh, salvation of the Jewish people will come from somewhere else.

I think that the corrolary is also true. If a person with taivos or character flaws uses facebook, they will possibly, even likely exploit it for aveiros, and that may lead to divorce. But truly, if facebook didn’t exist, the taivos and the flaws still would, and the person would use another avenue to transgress.

No, if facebook causes divorces then he could not have ignored them because it wouldn’t help.

Golfer, sure, but I think once he realized how Facebook is commonly used, he wanted no part of it.

jbaldy22 -“@Health I dont really understand your going to facebook affecting you thing or people coming to you thing is – I have had facebook for 6 years and have never had that experience. There are privacy settings on facebook which can make you unsearchable if thats what u want. I think you might be confusing facebook with myspace which had some of those issues?

Finally saying facebook is like a disco is sophistry (like many other internet related mesholim). There is nothing inherently wrong with facebook.”

Can I ask you a question? You seem to be in some sort of denial, but how could you deny the fact that FB is even worse than the Net after reading DY’s post about his friend? Does than even happen on the Net unless you go to a social site?

This is why My Moshol is right on target. You can be in the worse place in city and a Disco was just an example, but there are worse places. Is it alright to be there even if you’re Not doing anything wrong? Just think about it for a second before you respond!

jbaldy22: For every 1 good thing that comes out of Facebook there are at least 10 BAD things. Speak with Rabbi Wallerstein, speak to other Rabbonim that are involved in the Klal, don’t take my word for it!Why are you so in denial?

@Health and now you prove my point. the point of facebook is to keep in touch with friends not pick up friends. that is how it is designed. the way most people know you are on it is if you are friends with their friends – and you still have the option to reject them. again you are betraying your lack of knowledge of how facebook works and seem to be confusing it (again) with myspace which it is not.

JUST MY HAPPENCE: I’m not the one in denial. You are! You are actually denying among others that Face Book is a terribly damaging site. I don’t have to prove it!

JUST MY HAPPENCE: I’m not the one in denial. You are! You are actually denying among others that Face Book is a terribly damaging site. I don’t have to prove it!

Actually, since you’re the one making the claim, the burden of proof *is* on you.

The Wolf

haifagirl – Now that I brought proof – do you or anyone have any proof how good it is?!?!?

Mods – Why was my proof deleted? I quoted from a professional from the American Psychological society?

for use of the word pathetic.

do you or anyone have any proof how good it is?!?!?

Shortly after I started using Facebook I looked up some relatives, found them, and “friended” them. Most of these people I hadn’t seen nor talked to in many, many years.

I had an aunt and uncle to whom I was very close. When I was a child and my father was sick, they were like a second set of parents to me.

When they became very sick and passed away, the only one who kept me informed was one of their grandsons with whom I had started corresponding on Facebook. Prior to that he and I hadn’t spoken in probably 20 years.

He and I have become quite close and he is even coming to EY to visit in a few months. This never would have happened without Facebook.

Maybe that isn’t proof, but to me it’s a good enough reason to stay on Facebook.

If my rabbi would tell me to stop using it, I probably would. But he would have to stop using it first!

haifagirl – No, that Isn’t Proof!

In my post the Doc admits there is some good, but it looks like the bad outweighs the good!

@Health the only thing your proof proves is that people shouldn’t “overdose on facebook” (kind of obvious if you ask me) and that people with prior psychological conditions tend to have their conditions exacerbated by using facebook (and an obvious correlation – causation flaw right there). And the main problem with your study is that I could bring you 50 reputable studies that say the internet is horrible for our thinking and for society. Does that mean you should never use it?

jbaldy22 -“@Health the only thing your proof proves is that people shouldn’t “overdose on facebook” (kind of obvious if you ask me)”

Well -you missed the point -these type of sites are easily luring to anyone and it’s easy to become addicted. Your point is like there is nothing wrong with drinking alcohol and there is nothing wrong with being in a bar all day. There might not be anything wrong with drinking alcohol, if you’re not addicted to it, but do you think being in a bar all day might influence some to become alcoholics? The same is true for facebook.

“and that people with prior psychological conditions tend to have their conditions exacerbated by using facebook (and an obvious correlation – causation flaw right there).”

The only flaw is your comment. In your haste to defend yourself you didn’t read it well. -“development of narcissism in teens who often use Facebook”.

It also says it causes bad things -like Narcissism, even without other Mental Health issues.

“And the main problem with your study is that I could bring you 50 reputable studies that say the internet is horrible for our thinking and for society. Does that mean you should never use it?”

Go ahead and bring at least one. Most of those studies are about things that you are subjected to in the internet, like Social Networking sites and other bad sites. Leaving those things out -I wonder if you can even find one Professional Journal negating regular usage in the Net.

The following article exposes the relationship of symptoms and Facebook, which implies to me that Facebook is problematic in itself, even if it’s just a general Internet addiction. Of course if it’s what they are calling a Facebook addiction -it’s obvious Facebook is causing the problem, like any other type of addiction, eg. gambling. Unless you’re now going to claim gambling sites and other sites -that there are no inherent attraction to cause people to become addicted. To claim this would be false and would be based on your lack of knowledge of addiction disorders. Here it is:

“Relationship between Facebook use and problematic Internet use among college students.

Kittinger R, Correia CJ, Irons JG.

SourceDepartment of the Navy, Pensacola, Florida, USA.

Abstract

The popularity of Facebook and other online social-networking sites has led to research on the potential risks of use, including Internet addiction. Previous studies have reported that between 8 percent and 50 percent of college students report problems consistent with Internet addiction. The current study assessed a range of variables related to Facebook use, and sought to determine how the use of Facebook relates to problematic Internet use. Undergraduate participants (N=281, 72 percent women) completed a battery of self-report measures, including the Internet Addiction Test, via an online interface. The results of the current study suggest that a sizable minority of students experience problems related to Internet use and that the use of Facebook may contribute to the severity of symptoms associated with Internet addiction.”