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Ok, I’ve been really thinking about this.
I do not understand why facebook is considered to be bad. If it’s because a person can speak to anyone on it (male/females) then chances are that person will find some other way to speak to him/her. Am I wrong or naive right now? I have facebook and use it for the sole purpose of keeping in touch with friends who I wouldn’t have kept up with otherwise. Is it really bad that I have it?
Can someone please explain to me this whole issue?
Thanks!
Just one issue that may come up…
If someone is “friends” who may not be as makpid on snius or negiah as they should be, their pictures come up on your feed and you see their pictures. Even if they are the same gender as you, everyone in their pictures may not be, and it can be a serious taiva that’s best avoided.
Sometimes it is not so simple to just delete that person because then you may need to explain why, and not everyone is so understanding either.
Most people who are bothered by such pictures, aren’t friends with people who would have those types of pictures up.
I had to un-friend a FB friend who was promoting all kinds of right wing conspiracy theories. I drew the line when I realized that one of the people he was promoting was a 9/11 Truther.
u can also control who you want to see on your news feeds and who not
Facebook proves the statement of Chazal, chavrecha dichavra, chavra is leh (your friends friend has a friend). I dont have a facebook account (is this correct term?), so cant say this with certainty, but you can choose who you friend, but you cant choose who your friends friends and you certainly cant control who your friends friend, friends.
well, the argument of talking to females or males is pretty much out the window, as you can do that here
What’s wrong with a 9/11 truther? Is it against yiddishkeit?
Is it against yiddishkeit?
Does something have to be against yiddishkeit to personally disapprove of it?
The Wolf
Mike: On here, personal and private conversatins are not possible. Neither is the exchange of personal info
I dont have a facebook account (is this correct term?), so cant say this with certainty, but you can choose who you friend, but you cant choose who your friends friends and you certainly cant control who your friends friend, friends.
The same applies to your friends in their lives outside of Facebook as well. I don’t see how Facebook is any worse in this regard.
The Wolf
Everything is a matter of one’s own self control and maturity. I wouldn’t advise you allow a pre-teen, or teenager to have one. I certainly would advise to monitor to your best ability your kid’s account even if they are 18 because they still may be naive. But you have to use your own common sense.
I have a facebook account originally to keep in touch with kids I mentored, then it grew to family which is great because i can see pics they posted of the kids. But I don’t read every feed that comes in and I don’t go on it every day. There are times that two or three weeks have gone by and I didn’t open it. You have to filter. The pics with the feed are so tiny, you don’t have to look at them and you don’t have to get involved in everyone’s business. Keep it real folks.
wolf: I dont know how facebook works completely. It is my understanding that information is made available to friends, friends friends and so on, so that I may end up with information I dont ever want. I can control who I see and who I speak with in the real world. In cyberspace, I cant control who posts what, when, where and how if I was opened to it as a friend.
I don’t think that the concerns many have about Facebook are unfounded.
Here is a quotation from a 14 July 2010 CNN.com article about Facebook (article titled Facebook a ‘tool’ for cheating spouses, some say):
A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.
Of course the counter-argument to this is, “those who will stray will stray, with or without Facebook.” However, Facebook makes it much easier.
It is my understanding that information is made available to friends, friends friends and so on, so that I may end up with information I dont ever want. I can control who I see and who I speak with in the real world. In cyberspace, I cant control who posts what, when, where and how if I was opened to it as a friend.
Well, you can control whom you want your information going to. If you want your information to be restricted to your friends, you have that option.
As for information going in the other direction (i.e. to you), the same applies in real life. You’ve never met your friends’ friends? You’ve never had a friend tell you about something a friend/relative of theirs did or said? You’ve never met someone someplace and discovered that you might have a friend in common with them? Again, I fail to see how real life is different than FB in this regard.
In any event, with FB, I never see other people’s posts in my feed. The only people I see are the people with whom I am friends. You may have the option to expand that if you wish (I don’t know) but that would be up to the individual user.
The Wolf
The only thing friends of friends can see (I believe) is comments you post on their wall. Otherwise if you do not allow “everyone” to see your profile they can’t see anything about you.
I received the following email
Original Message
From : Facebook[mailto:#$#@#$%^&@facebookmail.com]
Sent : 2/15/2011 1:10:15 PM
To : b****@zzzz.com
Cc :
Subject : FW: Reminder: xyzraffle invited you to join Facebook…
Hi,
The following person invited you to be their friend on Facebook:
xyz
Invite sent:
Jan 27, 2011
Other people you may know on Facebook:
abc
def
jkl
I asked abc why he listed me and he tried to explain that it “somehow happened” which I did not understand.
When I asked him to do a search there were my name, address & phone #
“In any event, with FB, I never see other people’s posts in my
feed.”
OK. Then friend away. Just friend away with seichel.
Pro: Communication like never before.
Con: Communication like never before.
That’s pretty much it.
Poster: I agree with you. It’s also that once you put something on the net, it’s there forever, and ppl can always find ways to see what you wrote/pics you put on. And ppl feel free to write whatever they want on FB, not like here where everything’s filtered by the mods (Thanks to you!).
Also, as I mentioned on other threads too,I know some girls who got to know boys through Facebook…… I don’t think you want to hear the rest. Let’s just say things aren’t exactly as they should be.
well meaning busybody – I don’t know if you were looking for an answer or not but (just in case you were) when your friend signed up for facebook it asked him/her in a not-so-obvious way for access to any email address/contact list buried deep in his/her hard drive. My brother had the same thing happen but caught it. Facebook takes all your addresses and sends them notes to let them know you have joined facebook. And he had old interviewers, employers, parents of kids he works with etc. Not pretty.
The worst thing is posting a pictures of youselves. otherwise its not so bad.
The worst thing is posting a pictures of youselves. otherwise its not so bad.
Please explain. Why is posting a picture of yourself “the worst thing” you can do on Facebook?
The Wolf
Because of her gender.
Because of her gender.
Do you *really* believe that posting a picture of a woman is the worst thing you can do?
The Wolf
I think the worst thing about FB is the ads, not actually FB. I have an account, but I don’t post things . I keep in touch with people I know only and they have so many types of privacy settings that anyone who you don’t want to see your profile can’t.
I asked abc why he listed me and he tried to explain that it “somehow happened” which I did not understand.
Facebook will make assumptions about people you may know based on the fact that they are friends of friends. For example, I am friends with two cousins of mine (they are sister and brother to each other). They are both friends with their mother. Since she and I have two friends in common (her two children), Facebook assumes I know her and asks me if I want to be friends with her.
The truth is, I did know their mother, but she and their father have been divorced for almost 30 years. So no, I don’t want to be friends with her.
Do you *really* believe that posting a picture of a woman is the worst thing you can do?
Let’s not get into sementics about it being the worst or second worst or third. I’m sure you can think of worse things. (i.e. having communications on FB with an opposite gender.) But it’s bad enough to figuratively call it the worst thing.
Let’s not get into sementics about it being the worst or second worst or third. I’m sure you can think of worse things. (i.e. having communications on FB with an opposite gender.) But it’s bad enough to figuratively call it the worst thing.
Fair enough, if that’s how you feel. Suffice it to say that I (and most people) don’t agree with you that having a picture of a woman visible is wrong.
The Wolf
I don’t have facebook, and I don’t know how it works, but Philip Rosenthal, who does, highly recommends against it, certainly for teens.
The only “story” I know first hand about it was a (now married) friend of mine who closed his account in disgust when girls he had dated asked him to be his “friend”.
Like alcohol, the “anonymity” of sitting in front of a screen reduces inhibitions. Same with texting, etc.
(i.e. having communications on FB with an opposite gender.)
don’t we do that here all the time?
Suffice it to say that I (and most people) don’t agree with you that having a picture of a woman visible is wrong.
If you count the entire decadent society towards your “most” then you are correct. If you limit yourself to Torah Yidden, then you are wrong.
If you limit yourself to Torah Yidden, then you are wrong.
I think you’re wrong there too. I have seen photographs of women in just about every frum person’s home that I’ve been in — and that goes from the most “modern” to the right-wing yeshivish and chassidish.
The Wolf
Posting a picture for frumsinglegirl is Bad4Shidduchim!!!!
And since shidduchim is the one and only goal of every post-sem girl, doing something Bad4Shidduchim is the worst thing in the world.
Simple logic.
🙂
I have seen photographs of women in just about every frum person’s home that I’ve been in — and that goes from the most “modern” to the right-wing yeshivish and chassidish.
The discussion was regarding publishing her photo on the internet, not her home. You are incorrect as it pertains to publishing it online or even in mass circulation newspaper in the Torah community.
The discussion was regarding publishing her photo on the internet, not her home.
That’s true. Nonetheless, in the person’s home, any guest, worker or other visitor can see it. On Facebook, you can set the privacy level of your photos so that only your friends can see it.
Nonetheless, this is all really beside the point. If she’s allowed to walk in the street, where just about anyone can see her in person, then there is no problem with people seeing her on the internet or in a photo.
The Wolf
The Wolf
You are expounding your own views while I am talking about the views of the Torah community
(i.e. having communications on FB with an opposite gender.)
don’t we do that here all the time?
If pictures or personal contact information were allowed, most of us (I would guess) wouldn’t be here.
Grandmaster:
Actually you are expounding your own views, just as Wolf is. Since there is no single spokesperson for the Jewish community as a whole, I do not see how you can be sharing the views of everyone who is part of the Jewish community.
Personally, I agree with Wolf.
Since there is no single spokesperson for the Jewish community as a whole,
Heh. Now that you bring it up, I’m always amused at the fact that we are called Orthodox Jews when we are, in fact, most assuredly not Orthodox.
The Wolf
“Heh. Now that you bring it up, I’m always amused at the fact that we are called Orthodox Jews when we are, in fact, most assuredly not Orthodox.”
Does this mean that your admitting that your not frum becuz yur saying that yur not orthodox?
There is absolutely no comparison between passing someone on the street and seeing their picture on your page. Besides the obvious fact that on the street the person is part of the general scenery and you are looking where you are stepping, on a screen your eye is focused on the object in front of you. That is the equivalent to walking up to a woman in the street and staring her straight in the face.
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