- This topic has 17 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 9 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
what is the idea of not speaking to your chosson while engaged?
where does the minhug come from?
what is the idea of not speaking to your chosson while engaged?
where does the minhug come from?
What community to you belong to (in a theological, not geographic sense)?
The Wolf
jewish brother – are you chasidish?
It is a chasidishe minhag. I find it hard to understand how a chassan and kallah are able to do follow it especially since chassidim do have a longer engagement period.
The communities (theological) that do not have engaged couples see each other, generally have them meet only once or twice before they get engaged. There is not much of a relationship to maintain, so they wait until they are married. Usually, they are younger than in other circles, and their hands are also held by their parent for a while after the wedding, making the transition easier. Those communities have a different style of upbringing to begin with. It’s a completely different system than the one many are used to; to apply some of the features of that shidduch process in a vacuum would likely lead to disaster, but it seems to work for them.
this way they dont get to know each other, no chance of breaking the engagement. hehehe
doodle jump
Being that their probably still in school at their age it shouldn’t be too difficult.
Daas Yochid,
You are right. The parents are much more involved with the shiduch and the chassan and kallah are also much younger, since in their circle ,they start with shiduchim earlier than the yeshivish world. It is a system that works for them and that is the main thing.
Jewish bro,Do you mind mentioning your main source of info?
Based on the threads you’ve started,it seems like the source is “hearsay”.
Is that correct?
Otherwise,you would have asked the person who told you,or read further on in the book.
Which leads me to inquire:
Are you Jewish at this time?
Or studying to become Jewish?
I think people will word their answers more clearly/less clearly–depending on the direction you’re coming from.
my brother and my sister in law didnt speak the week before the wedding so that the wedding day would be more special
Some people stop talking to each other after they get married!It’s called chairem d’GERUSHIN…No,I didn’t mean d’rabeinu gershom.
my youngest daughter & son-in-law didn’t speak, text, or even look at each other’s facebook pages the week before the wedding. we thought it was perhaps a Lubavitcher thing, as I don’t remember such stringencies with my other children, who if I remember correctly just didn’t see each other for the entire week before (same as my husband & me).
Some people actually do this, in order to prevent them from getting into fights with each other during a time that some people are especially nervous and tense. I personally think that if a chosson and kallah cannot weather an argument or two that might arise before marriage, I don’t see how they will after the fact.
Some people hold that once the engagement is set there is no further purpose to conversation, and it could lead to untzniusdig behavior. Oo-kayyyyy…. And still other hold that way the week before the wedding. More commonly, many hold that the chosson and kallah should merely LIMIT the amount of converation they have on a weekly basis, to once a week. Again, not my thing, but who am I to decide what is right for them?
Not speaking while engaged is a very good thing. Most poskim would ban talking to yur kallah during engagement at all if they could. All talking to yur kallah does is increase the chances of not acting in a tznius fashion.
i mostly agree with oomis on this one. i don’t wanna get screamed at, but come on! ur gonna live with this person for the rest of ur life (iy’h)! as much as you think you know the person by the time you get engaged, there is so much more to find out. an engagement period is time to get to know each other better, and come on there are just certain things you need to discuss like finding a place to live …………(i don’t feel like going thru a whole list)
so while i agree it must, without a doubt be in a tzniusdik fashion, you gotta talk to each other!
psach libi bsorasecha: Please realize that once engaged, and spending lots of time together or talking, may lead to frustration. If you got engaged, you want to be and behave married. When you spend lots of time together you end feeling frustrated at not being married yet, which at times, leads to feeling frustrated at being engaged or at the perceived source of the frustration, the choson/kallah.
People don’t remember what they were told, they remember how they felt/feel
I agree that a couple needs to get to know each other before the chasanah and more so they need to feel comfortable with each other. The excitement of getting engaged can fade and doubts can start playing havoc with the brain. As a couple get to know each other and start building a relationship together they get a better sense of security in their decision and better prepared for their marriage together.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.