- This topic has 31 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 5 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Is four months too early or rushed to get engaged?
It’s too long.
I would say minimum 22 years for a boy, 19 years for a girl. Four months is too young.
If you can see yourself married to this person and spending eternity with them, if you know it, you know it, and should move forward.
Some people know this after a few dates; maybe it takes others a few months.
not fast enough.
That sounds like a very long time to me. I think for me it was more like 6 weeks – don’t remember exactly.
In any case, it depends on how many dates you had of course. Did you meet 3x per week, or 2x per month?
We met, I *think* (not sure), something like 12 times before we decided.
If the parties are not comfortable with their decision, then it is too soon. If they are comfortable with their decision, then it is not too soon.
I got engaged in 3 weeks. 🙂
nope. If you both feel ready and sure of yourselves, don’t wait for no reason!
It can be both or neither. I know one thing for certain, asking random strangers on the Internet who have no clue about your personal situation will not give you the answer.
You dated a girl for four months?
Under most circumstances especially in the Yeshivish velt that is way too long. But with older people dating, or divorcees…longer dating is more normal and accepted. However four months if they see each other more than 2x a week is a lot in all circumstances me thinks.
That depends on the progress of your relationship with the prospective Kallah. It’s something you should probably consult with your Rov or Rosh Yeshiva about, and/or her Rosh Bais Yaakov. My wife and I got engaged after 5 months of dating. Believe it or not, most people were telling us that was too long. Moral of the story: You need to get sound advice from someone who knows you and who can give you sound advice based on his knowledge of you. It’s not a subject to be taken up with a mob, including over an internet website.
Get lost!
You know you are going to get a mixed range of views – why did u bother asking! Do you not have any mentors, friends?
No-one could possibly be able to answer that withot knowing u.
What a dumb question!
It depends.
I actually misread the question. I thought he was asking how long the engagement should be.
The engagement should be as short as possible. (Unless you are Chasidish and will not be seeing your fiance.)
Popa
So you think engagements should be under 4 months? I hear that. What do you think is the perfect length of time for engagement?
WIY,
Typically, engagements in yeshivish circles are 2 1/2 – 3 1/2 months – they should be as short as possible to leave time to prepare for the chasunah.
I was engaged for 2 months. But that’s just me.
I became engaged 36 years ago on Tu B’Shvat, and we were married the following Sivan. It worked for us.
I was engaged for 2 months. But that’s just me.
Not your wife?
I was engaged for 6 months. Everyone is different. There is no fast rule here. Yes in the yeshivish circles dating and engagements are quite short, but you do what is right for you, not what random people in the CR did.
DY – on the ball today!
Thanks, fitt.
I thought that since it takes less time for a boy to get ready for the chasunah, they get married first, and that we’ve finally discovered the real reason for the shidduch crisis. 😉
lol DaasYochid I have to concur with fitt
yeshivish – No offense meant, but I’m pretty sure that’s absolutely ridiculous. Are you suggesting that unsuccessful marriages occur because the partners knew too MUCH about each other going in, and had they only decided to marry each other earlier in the dating process, they would have much more successful marriages??
Although there may be a correlation between longer dating periods and divorce rate, I find it hard to believe that it is for the reason you have stated. The only conclusion one can make based on such a statistic (if it exists) is that people who date for a longer time are more WILLING to divorce. It doesn’t even prove that people who date for a shorter time have more successful marriages or are happier together – there are plenty of couples who are unhappy together but don’t divorce.
No offense meant, but I’m pretty sure that’s absolutely ridiculous.
It’s not absolutely ridiculous, but it’s more an effect than a cause.
I would imagine that those with higher expectations would date for longer to make sure those expectations are met. Those with less demanding expectations, who just want to make sure there’s some emotional compatibility and common hashkofos, probably don’t feel the need to drag it on.
From the diversity of opinions in this topic, it seems pretty clear the the gedolim should issue guidelines. Otherwise, people will just decide willy-nilly how long they should date before engagement and how long they should be engaged before marriage. Even worse, what happens if they disagree? If there were clear guidelines, then we would save a lot of strife and start many marriages on the right foot.
From the diversity of opinions in this topic, it seems pretty clear the the gedolim should issue guidelines. Otherwise, people will just decide willy-nilly how long they should date before engagement and how long they should be engaged before marriage.
Or they’ll decide based on individual circumstances.
I think it depends on the couple. Some people figure it out quickly. Others, need time to figure it out.
Stop asking us, and decide what is good for YOU!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.