Don’t Judge Someone Unless You’re in His/Her Shoes!

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

I heard something similar, dont judge another until you are in his place, and bec u will never really be in that person place cuz every situation has its own circumstances, dont judge!

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. “

GREAT LINE!!!!!!!

What a Pashuteh Yid says is very true. It is easy to criticize ANYONE, older singles, overweight people, parents whose kids are OTD, but unless we really know what it feels like to suffer in that way, we should not be insensitive to people’s nisyonos and speak to them in a way that ADDS to their pain. That’s a horrendous aveira.

i dont judge! theres a spanish saying cada quien! everyone is difrent.

Pashute, my apologies. It too me another reading to get what you’re saying.

There’s thinking outside the box, broadening your horizons, etc. but if you know your kids, what they’ll need to build a happy bayis neeman, then I’m sure you’re doing everything you can. May you dance at your kids’ chasunas b’shaa tova (and it should be obvious it couldn’t have been any sooner) and see many doros yesherim.

This is so apropos to so many situations not just shiduchim as the saying goes “unsolicited advice is worth what you pay for it”. People have to learn to use the geder Hashem gave us our teeth and lips to stop unsolicited advice from slipping out of our mouths. If we are not asked for this kind of assistance or not asked for our opinion we really need to learn to keep it to ourselves.

In the shidduch parsha we don’t know how many rejections the family received when we assume that the family is being picky. We don’t know how many inappropriate shidduchim have been redt, we don’t know if the phone is ringing or if the child just broke up with someone, we don’t know. So unless this is our best friend or close family member where we are in the know or part of the process what right does any Yenta have to assume they should offer their advice?

In other instances we are also too quick to assume and judge instead of just giving the benefit of the doubt (dan l’kaf zchus) or just simply realize it is not our business and choose not to have an opinion on the subject because we are not involved and we don’t know ALL the details, no matter how many details the media brings forth, the yenta’s bring forth, the internet brings forth and so on. Unless we are there and saw everything with our own two eyes, heard everything with our own two ears we should not have an opinion. We really bury people’s reputations, destroy families and their success for the future with the loshon horah we spread with our high opinions of ourselves, our own knowledge and our own expert opinions. What we should work on more is to spread encouragement, build self-esteem and self-confidence in others. So try to remember what your parents taught you when you were little. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.

With shidduchim you have to be sort of “picky”. Like mom12 says, once this “suggestion” becomes a spouse, they are not disposable, returnable, exchangeable etc.

I know someone that used to say “when it comes to shidduchim I am picky.” Yes, every shidduch had to have a family match, similar backgrounds, thorough research about the boy/girl middos etc etc etc etc…

B”H all of her children are married.

I got an email today that in a way fits for this thread, here goes:

him. He was an honest man who always behaved appropriately. He never

cheated, lied or stole anything. He never drank alcoholic beverages

why he was invited to court but the baker knew.

The baker used to buy butter and cheese from the milkman for his

baking. One day he suspected that the lumps of butter that the milkman

each was exactly one kilo. The baker decided to check out the matter

and for a period he consistently weighed every lump of butter that he

bought from the milkman. He discovered that they were in fact less

than a kilo. Sometimes they were 900grms, sometimes they were 950grms

and once one was even 850grms.

inviting him to court. The milkman arrived at the court shaking with

fear. He had never been to a court house and had never spoken to the

Judge. The Judge evoked a sense of fear amongst the villagers.

kind that needs a weight on one side to balance the butter on the

morning when I come to weigh the butter for the baker I place a kilo

loaf of bread on one side of the scale and this way I know that the

butter that I will give to the baker will be exactly one kilo.

you give the baker is exactly the weight of the loaf of bread he

that our own house is in order.

Great thread. I’m gonna try to do this as best I can, omitting/changing some details.

Someone once called my house (worked for a company) and left a very very nasty message asking why something hadnt been taken care of (information that they needed) and that it was really a chutzpah that it hadnt been etc. I remember on that specific day being very very upset just that and her message only made it so much harder. She was totally right in saying that it needed to be taken care of, and totally wrong in giving her opinion on it. True, she had a point, that it should have been taken care of earlier but no one asked for her opinion. I dont know the womans name but I remember the place and when I think of it, this comes to mind. (I know, I know, its wrong but its a fact of life)

*kapusta*