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Is anyone aware of ONE Shidduch that resulted from calling a Shadchan off a list?
You never get as far as offering $ per date. These calls don’t lead to discussion of a date, or any discussion at all. The experiences of those Ive spoken to is (especially if theyre calling about a girl)- Cant talk right now, call back… call back….call back….
snow, ofcourse, i agree with you. i think i know one. not more…
Im almost willing to bet that this ONE (Shidduch resulting from calling a Shadchan off a list) resulted in the Shadchan realizing early in the call, that the caller and them have some mutual relative or close friend (that the Shadchan wanted to please), so the Shadchan was willing to talk.
Otherwise, fuegeddabattit.
Try Shidduch World, http://www.shidduchworld.org/?aff=yw. They even have an advertisement on Yeshiva World so you can link right in. I personally know the guy who runs it & they have success stories.
I don’t know why everyone is bashing the shadchanim on the list. I know a few of them who are rather pleasant to deal with.
By the way, Im not trying to malign Shadchanim. They have so few boys resumes, they feel its pointless to speak to lots of girls/parents so they very quickly “narrow” their female clientele to those they have some connection with.
and that is exactly why one should not just cold call shadchanim but one should network reach out to realitvies, family, cousins etc…and yes shadchnim that you come in contact with and the message is….
i understand how difficult it is to get a date off the ground…. i appreciate any and all the time you spend of behalf of…. if youy are able to get her to date number 1 i would want to compendsate you … if it’s a real quality idea that gets to date #4 i would compensate …… in apprciate of what it takes…
try it it works……
i understand how difficult it is to get a date off the ground…. i appreciate any and all the time you spend of behalf of…. if youy are able to get her to date number 1 i would want to compendsate you … if it’s a real quality idea that gets to date #4 i would compensate …… in apprciate of what it takes…
try it it works……
OK folks, has anyone here tried it? Did it work to get them more dates than previously? I think its a matter of getting a guy to say yes, and no matter what the Shadchan says to the guys, the guys’ minds are pretty much impossible to change (now perhaps if we offered the guy $ for the dates…, hee hee).
I have!
as have two communites, one school and more on the way to follow….
Two communites in North America. One school in flatbush. I’m not at liberty to publicize the names in this forum.
each place runs it their own style.
the basic system is
girls 20-24 date number 1-100 date nubmer 4-400
girls 25+ date number 1-250 date number 4-500.
the school (actually the grade) that is doing it is doing it for girls who are now 24.
They set it up as date number 1-150 date number 4-400.
AZ: Are the girls making all the contacts themselves, and then ask for the handout and deliver it themselves?? Or is the community/classmates advocating on their behalf?
When your idea was taken and repackaged to help an individual (who happens to be an olam molay) you didn’t like it, and discouraged it.
TBT: Communities and classmates are doing on behlaf of the individuals.
It can be done on a individual basis as well and it works very well. It is not being promoted to the public yet because of some potential donwsiedes, but any yachid who wants to know what works, should know THIS works!
Additionally,a friend of family member can do it on behalf of their friend/relative without the friend or relative knowing. That has all the positives without any downsides of the families themselves doing it.
For the reocrd: it’s not magic. it needs follow up with shadchanim etc. A one time conversation will not have them remember your forwever. The reason it works is because shadchanim -like other humans – appreciatie being appreciated and valued. They can’t speak to everyone who wants their attetnion and they can’t look out for everyone.
Being a person who values them and apprecaites them is a sure fire way for them to return your phone calls and try to help you.
AZ: That sounds great.
AZ, your advice might work for the under 24 crowd girls. But, once a girl exceeds 24, the pool of boys ready willing and able to get married is comparatively so small, we’re giving Shadchanim an inhumanly difficult task of streching one boy for a few girls, which does NOT work in our religion. In the game of musical chairs more girls are left with no chair than with a chair, after 24. This causes the guys to feel theres less of an urgency for them to commit. The comparatively few desirable guys get better and better and more and more girls thrown at them, with strong emotion, and pressure, as time goes on.
AZ,
Am I correct that when you refer to a “downside”, you mean that the cost will prevent a girl from agreeing to continue to meet a boy if it doesn’t seem very promising?
TBT: why do you think a shadchan would be willing to become a personal advocate anyomore than you local 5th grade teacher. Shadchanim redd shidducim they don’t take individuals under their winge and reach out to other shadchanim en masse on thier behalf. if you find someone that will please please let me know.
Of course:
I wonder where you got that musical chairs mashol from 🙂
this program actually works very well for the 25+ girls. As you aptly described, it is not easy to get older girls to date number 1 and certainly not to date #4. As such all that much more appreciation (and compensation) for the time and effort to get there is in order.
The places that have employed this program of 250/500 for the 25+ girls have seen a tremendous amoung of quality attention comning their way.
DY: girls/their parents. either before a first date or before date number 4 unless it seems like a “sure thing”. When a Community/shul/school/ does it on behalf of the girls this problem is resolved. similarly, if one does it on behalf of their friend or relative, it resolves the issue.
AZ: I happen to know a couple of people who’ve made several shidduchim who would be very likely to do it for someone they know and care about.
TBT: Fantastic! go for it!!!!!!
AZ: Thanks. It was a suggestion to the OP, whose thread we’ve hijacked out of only the purest of intentions
But thanks for the encouragement.
No it wasn’t the suggestion of the OP. Snow suggested putting a shadchan on retainer to redd shidducim.
Your model (if it could be implemented) is wholly different and i for one am very interested to see if there really are numberous shadchanim who would take on the role of being advocates and compensated for results produced. If it can be, i would promote as best as I could.
the difference between the two models are self evident.
1. compensation only for results
2. more importantly, by having a effective advocate, the single will get attention from scores of shadchanim instead of just from one “retainer shadchan”.
What remains to be seen is wheter there really are a bunch – or even a few – shadchanim out there who have any interest in being advocates isntead of redding shidducim.
TBT: Let us know how you fare!!
AZ: Please reread my last post.
It was a suggestion to the OP, not me.
TBT: i did re-read your last post. YOU mentioned that YOU know a shadchan who would do so. I therefor encourage you to follow up and report. Your knowing a shadchan isn’t going to help the OP. The people I know who are shadchanim would be very unlikely to work as a advocate.
In additon, I personally still don’t like the idea of paying the advocate a flat fee. Pay a advocaote (if you want to go that route) as per results dates produced via their effrots. Why pay a flat fee? But if it works go for it!
Are you ready to test it and report back?
If it works we will test some more/ tweek some more and then figure out a way to make it large scale while avoiding any downsides.
TBT: are you game?
AZ,
girls/their parents
Whoever’s signing the check (or the girl being “careful” with her parents’ money); I understand that.
You’re taking it a step further than me; I would only expect it to be a m’akev for the 4th date, not the 1st. Would a girl (or parents of a girl) who is having a hard time finding anyone to go out with her really turn down a yes because of $150 unless it seems like a sure thing?
Can someone explain how we help marry off ALL older girls (over 24) if there are a very small number of available guys per large number of girls? One girl will get one guy, regardless of what we’re paying the Shadchan for date #1 and date #4!!!! That still leaves many many girls without guys.
For instance: If we go to a store for a container of milk, and there are 25 people looking to buy a container of milk, but there is only ONE container, one person gets the container of milk, 24 DO NOT, no matter what efforts are made, or what is offered to be paid by the people looking to buy a container of milk!!! How do we help the 24 who didnt get the container of milk if there was only one and its gone?
Any time there is one container of milk available, there’s one who gets it and 24 who dont.
Ofcourse: now you are begiginng to grasp the enormity of the tragedy……
for many of the girls who are alrerady older (i will not give an exact age). there is simply not much to do.
The best we can hope for is t get to work as quickl and as effetviely as possible to
1. make sure this doesn’t contintue going forward
2. help as many of those older girls before it’s to late.
AZ, so if me with my realtively small mind grasps the enormity of the situation, why dont those in the press and those in real authority work harder on this and give it more publicity? Trust me, its causing tragedies and illnesses l”a in many homes.
What do u think has been going on for the last 3 years…. unfourtanetly there are less than 10 people in the country who are doing anything about it.
B”H those 10 people have brought about a tremendous change and much much more is on the way.
Feel free to reach out to the NASI Project and volunteer to help. I’m sure they’d appreciate all the help they can get!
AZ, unfourtanetly there are less than 10 people in the country who are doing anything about it.
May you have Arichas Yomim for your efforts, and may there be an awakening of those who have the koach to change things, to follow in your holy footsteps!
i’m sorry – i’ve just skimmed your posts and haven’t read all of them thoroughly, so maybe i’m missing something. but is it just me or do others find this makes them nauseous? only way to get guys to date someone is by paying them? and if guy got paid to date a girl, he’ll then see her as a person and not an object? what does that do for chance of marriage?
p.s. i and my husband got married when over 25 – nobody paid him or shadchan extra money for making this shidduch.
binahyeseira, who said anything about paying the guys? Theres suggestions here to pay a Shadchan to work harder for older girls, where the guys have absolutely no financial gain.
IMHO the biggest advantage of the Nasi project is giving Chizuk to all to attempt closer in age Shidduchim first.
AZ: Good morning. Your post before your last one really bothers me. Why don’t you open your own threads to talk doomsday? You go into a thread by a person seeking a shidduch and just discourage. Open a different thread.
Do any of the 70 RY who were signatories to your kol korai agree to this type of fundrasing tactic? It dosent sound fair to these OPs
binahyeseira: The guys are not the ones getting paid, it’s the shadchonim. The shadchonim are getting paid for some of their work (and as a motivator)
There are 3 meanings of “professional.” It can mean someone who (a) requires or accepts payment for the performance of a service, or (b) has achieved a recognized level of competence in performing a service, or (c) someone who satisfies both the foregoing definitions. You – the initial poster – are probably seeking someone who is covered by definition about (b) or (c). Does anyone know the percentage of all “professional” shaddcans who satisfy the (b) and/or (c) definitions? From the stories in the Coffee Room, I would guess it is below 50%.
oh. thanks for clarifying.
TBT:
1. Please re-read the post before mine. Ofcourse mentioned and i simply replied as to the accuracy of that post.
2. Fundraising tactic??? hello?? has there been even the slighteset whiff of any kind of fundraising for this concept in the cr in the last who knows how long (if ever).
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