Do You Allow Your Spouse To Read All Your E-Mails?

Home Forums Family Matters Do You Allow Your Spouse To Read All Your E-Mails?

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 64 total)
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  • #616913
    Joseph
    Participant

    At will, all your emails, any account you have, at any time.

    #1120017
    homer
    Member

    Yes

    #1120018
    Joseph
    Participant

    Good.

    #1120019
    catch yourself
    Participant

    Yes, but only on my personal account.

    As a Rebbe, I have a school email account which often contains sensitive personal information about my students and their families, which I am not at liberty to divulge to my wife (this would be pure Lashon Hara).

    It should be noted, however, that the school administration has access to my school email account.

    #1120020
    Ex-CTLawyer
    Participant

    NO, as an attorney it would violate the Ethics rules. I have to screen emails sent to my personal email accounts to make sure that they are not from clients or contain privileged communications.

    #1120021
    oomis
    Participant

    I would, as I have nothing to hide, and there are no ethical privacy inyanim involved.

    #1120022
    Little Froggie
    Participant

    Hide? Are we talking about frum, ehrleiche, decent, moral upstanding individuals or the filthy, debased street outside? (or maybe that’s your question?!?)

    Nope. Frogette can and does read my email anytime she wants, cares, or has time.

    Like they say.. We’re all in it together.

    #1120023

    Do do allow your spouse to read your posts?

    #1120024
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    At will, all your emails, any account you have, at any time.

    She’s never asked. However, if she asked… personal, yes. Work, no.

    The Wolf

    #1120025
    Joseph
    Participant

    That means live access. He/she has the password to all your email accounts to access at any time.

    If never yet asked, why not simply provide the password so the spouse can access if ever desired.

    #1120026
    funnybone
    Participant

    Why would she want to? Do you have a spouse who is distrusting??

    #1120027
    Joseph
    Participant

    ??? ????:

    ?? ????? ?? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ????

    #1120028
    Joseph
    Participant

    Can we assume that the active posters here (evidenced by their posting on other threads) who haven’t posted in this thread do not permit their spouse to freely, and without advance notice, read all their personal email accounts at any time?

    #1120029
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    No

    #1120030
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    She isn’t allowed to use the Internet.

    #1120031
    golfer
    Participant

    Joseph,

    No

    #1120032
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    Joseph not at all

    Can we assume that when you ignore questions, it is because you are admitting you are wrong?

    #1120033
    Joseph
    Participant

    No

    No, you don’t allow your spouse to read your emails?

    #1120034
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    No

    #1120035
    Joseph
    Participant

    Why don’t you permit it?

    #1120036
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Why cant you follow a conversation?

    #1120037
    Joseph
    Participant

    Unclear one word non-contextual responses make that difficult.

    #1120038
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    If it were non-contextual, you might have a point.

    #1120039
    Joseph
    Participant

    Glad you agree.

    #1120040
    flatbusher
    Participant

    There is something sinister about the question. Even if a person is married, one is entitled to some privacy. My wife never asked and if she wanted to read them, I guess I would let her but I would ask for the content of every phone conversation she has or chat with a friend either.

    #1120041
    Joseph
    Participant

    ??? ????:

    ??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ????

    #1120042
    golfer
    Participant

    Joseph,

    The word “No” was an answer to a question YOU asked, beginning with the words: “Can we assume that the active…”

    You asked the question.

    Which part of my one word answer did you have trouble understanding?

    #1120043
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Which part of my one word answer did you have trouble understanding?

    The part which doesn’t fit his agenda.

    #1120044
    Joseph
    Participant

    Lighten up guys, I was yanking your chains.

    #1120045
    Luna Lovegood
    Participant

    No, I would not allow my spouse to read every single email of mine. Not because I’m trying to hide anything sinister

    but because of the personal nature of some of my emails. I write a lot of deeply personal poetry and diary entries which I often save in my email that my spouse has no business reading

    #1120046
    Joseph
    Participant

    Why wouldn’t you share your personal feelings/poetry with your soulmate?

    #1120047
    Ex-CTLawyer
    Participant

    I’ve already answered this and explained the ethical restraints my professional license puts on my communications and their privacy privilege.

    That stated:

    You may choose to let your spouse read your outgoing email, BUT you may not have richus of the sender to let your spouse read your received email.

    The sender has an expectation of privacy in addressing the email to you, as opposed to mailing a letter addressed to the XXXX family.

    #1120048
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Why wouldn’t you share your personal feelings/poetry with your soulmate?

    Because sometimes you just don’t. There’s nothing wrong with having private feelings.

    The Wolf

    #1120049
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    That’s a good point.

    I know quite a few people whose email address is shared (ex: [email protected]). When there’s an expectation that the spouse has access to the account, it’s fine.

    #1120050
    Joseph
    Participant

    Because sometimes you just don’t. There’s nothing wrong with having private feelings.

    You mean something like might be added to the discussion here:

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/what-not-to-share-with-your-spouse

    #1120051
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    But if it’s private-meaning only for you-why is it on your email account in the first place?

    #1120052
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    If you have a Yahoo , Gmail or similar account lots of innapropriate Spam is received, like from “Dating” websites. There is nothing you can do to stop i

    #1120053
    Luna Lovegood
    Participant

    Shopping- I keep it in my email so I can access it whenever I want. No matter where I am.

    Joseph- I don’t feel it’s necessary to share everything with a spouse. Yes we are married, but we are still two distinct people. And not everything I write is meant to be shared with anyone. Be it a parent, best friend, or spouse. I’m a very private person and like to keep certain things to myself

    #1120054
    Joseph
    Participant

    You are two halves of one whole. Would your right hand refuse to share with your left hand?

    #1120055
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    My right hand doesn’t share with my left hand.

    #1120056
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    You are two halves of one whole. Would your right hand refuse to share with your left hand?

    Your analogy is flawed, of course, because your two hands don’t have their own identities and personalities.

    You see, Joseph, you can choose to share everything with your spouse if you want to. But one thing I’ve learned over the years is that what works for one couple does not work for every couple.

    If sharing everything works between you and your wife — God bless you both. However, for some couples, oversharing is a bad thing — and unless you’re privy to the dynamics of their marriage and personalities, then it’s rather presumptuous of you to demand of them why they don’t.

    The Wolf

    #1120057
    Joseph
    Participant

    Ah, but Reb Wolf, in this case the primary consideration is what Hillel said:

    ??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ????

    The other stuff is secondary.

    #1120058
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Ah, but Reb Wolf, in this case the primary consideration is what Hillel said:

    ??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ????

    No, I don’t believe it is. I don’t believe that everything that I don’t tell my wife is something that is something that is in the nature of a nisayon. Somethings are just private to me, that’s it. Other things are of a confidential nature that have nothing to do with her and are none of her business. I respect her privacy and she respects mine. I trust her and she trusts me — and that works for us for a quarter century. Anyone who is happily married for a quarter century is clearly doing something right regarding how their relationship works. So, since this works for us, I’m not changing it. And if something else works for another couple… then all the more power to them. I wouldn’t presume to say that just because it works for me, they must do likewise.

    The Wolf

    #1120059
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    I don’t let my spouse read all of my emails, but I do let him read any particular email he wants.

    It would take an awful lot of time to read all my emails, and I value his time too much to let it be wasted like that.

    Even I don’t read all my emails!

    #1120060
    Joseph
    Participant

    T6: Does he have your password?

    Wolf: It working between yourselves doesn’t necessarily mean it works between you and Hashem.

    #1120061
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Wolf: It working between yourselves doesn’t necessarily mean it works between you and Hashem.

    … and it doesn’t mean it doesn’t. So, unless you’re a navi, or until you show me somthing in the S”A stating that it is forbidden to not tell your spouse everything, I’ll thank you to allow me to run my marriage.

    And, before you ask… no, she doesn’t have the password to my email. But then again, my computer is always logged into my personal email. If she wanted to look, all she has to do is open my computer.

    The Wolf

    #1120062
    Joseph
    Participant

    It’s important to raise the flag so that those who are mistakenly negligent in this inyan and “keep whats personal private” are made aware of the pitfalls.

    Not you, of course, who makes available your logged-in account available.

    #1120063
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    It’s important to raise the flag so that those who are mistakenly negligent in this inyan and “keep whats personal private” are made aware of the pitfalls.

    TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!! Hey, Ref! Can I get a “moving the goalposts call here?”

    You’ve gone from making emails available to sharing everything.

    Not everything I don’t share with my wife is something that will result in a potential pitfall.

    If I keep secret some embarrassingly horrible poetry I wrote in my teens, what pitfall am I likely to fall into? The “sin” of writing more bad poetry?

    If I don’t tell her about the time I really disappointed my mother resulting in the loss of her wedding ring*, what nisyaon am I setting myself up for? That I’ll purposely lose her ring?

    If I don’t tell her about a surprise gift that I’m getting her, what pitfall am I falling into — the “sin” of making her happy with a surprise?

    If I don’t tell her about the time that I stupidly dropped a bowling ball on my foot and was in a cast for two months**, am I setting myself up for the sin of doing it again?

    If a friend confides in me that he’s having financial problems/personal problems/whatever and asks me to keep it in confidence (and it has nothing to do with my wife), what sin am I potentially falling into by not telling her?

    In other words, there are plenty of things that I can choose not to tell my wife that have nothing to do with potentially falling into a sin in the future.

    The Wolf

    * No, that never happened, it’s an example.

    ** Nope, that never happened either.

    #1120064
    Mammele
    Participant

    Joseph: I think technology has moved far beyond emails for communication that can be un-kosher. So I don’t know why you decided to make everyone aware of this now. Quite frankly you’re barking up the wrong tree, most likely in the wrong forest. Just my two cents.

    #1120065
    Joseph
    Participant

    Mammele: Can you list what other forms of communications you are referring to?

    In any event, you can apply the same principle to them of making access to them available to your spouse.

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