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especially boys in an out of town yeshivas
How else are they supposed to pay for basic necessities?
If you don’t give him an allowance, how will he have any money?
of course
Oh, I dunno. Maybe they could get a job babysitting, as I did, or tutor.
its not so easy to get jobs, you can give him a little bit of allowance so he can pay for his basic needs,if not he will feel very bad.
Yes, but not an unlimited credit card. It’s a good time for them to learn about money management.
DESERVE is not the right word – deserve implies that one has earned it. Unless it is a pre-negotiated reward for excellent schoolwork or such.
Should you give an allowance, for young boys, yes. I think it’s important to learn money management. You should guide them, but let them make their own mistakes. Let them run out, if they mismanage.
I see a lot of adults who never learned that.
Our family policy has always been that once a boy turns 17, the allowance goes away, with a few exceptions. If he is devoting himself to his learning, or to a sporting team or after school activity, or to some other equally worthy endeavor, we are willing to help support him. If not, he should have some sort of a part-time job. I am also willing to pay him a fair market wage for his help around the house and yard, above and beyond his normal chores. We are always renovating the house, so there is as much paid work as a boy could want to do. Unfortunately, the current boy at home, likes his leisure and hates work, and does not mind being penniless most of the time. Not sure what to do about him, he’s a tough case, and not like most boys I have known.
But different children do have different needs. When I was in college, I worked part-time jobs, even delivering newspapers in the dormitory the first year. My mother, was wise enough to send me some money every now and then, because she knew I was not the sort of boy who would ask her for it, and she didn’t want me to work to the point where it interfered with my studies. She gauged me and acted accordingly. I pray that some day I will figure out what the current boy needs, too. I keep trying different methods, without much success.
I guess the conclusion I’m trying to get to is to gauge each boy, and act accordingly. Take into account whether he has free time to work, and bear in mind that you don’t want him to feel inferior to the other boys because he doesn’t have money for necessities, a bit of leisure activity, and an occassional reward for hard work.
Why not?? We never had an allowance, we just got money when we asked (for a reason of course) and my father always made sure we never left the house or to school with out.
I personally don’t like the “allowance” idea. When it comes to necessities or when dealing with young children parents should try their best to pay for it, but luxuries or older teens: – good idea to have some kind of side job (as some posters above have mentioned.) For girls there are probably more options due to the stigma / impracticality of boys working while in Yeshiva. There’s baby sitting / mother’s helper, tutoring, and making money using creativity, like baking cookies, miniatures, styling friends’ hair for a tip, and graphics, just to list a few. The confidence of having mastered a skill, and the sense of independence that results from this is definitely a positive .
Sure, however, i see some girls walking around swiping credit cards, how are these girls ever going to learn to budget when they get married?
I never did have an allowance until I turned 18 and that was with my own bank accouny. I had to learn money mannagement skills and make sure I didn’t go into overdraft. But if I ever need help, even until today my parents are always there for me to help through the rough times. As a teenager, I’m not sure if you should be getting an allowance , but you should learn how to deal well with money so that when you come to a point where you have to make decissions on your own you have more stable background and experience than someone who is just learning the ropes for the first time at age 17 or 18.
deserve…no! however parents should give their children as a gift( and make it clear to them that they are receiving it as a gift) to pay for extra necessities and maybe even little luxaries.
Teens who are in school/yeshiva and do not have extra cash on them because they currently don’t work A. feel very nebachdik when they see their peers go on outings or getting little extra things( like a new backpack, new purse…new pair of shoes)and they cannot because it is not under the definition of “necessity” im not even talking about PSP and top notch ipods and gameboys ( althouh its becoming a trend as well by children to have that as well at a young age) B. or they start borrowing money from their friends and I have seen this by teens…it creates a destructive cycle where they borrow from one person to pay the next…like a ponze scheme, because they feel like they want to get s/thing that e/o has and they cannot…
NOW im am not going into whole chinuch thing whre you have to educate teens to be happy with what they have! its true…we have to…but reality is that they still feel
very bad about themselves if they don’t have certain things because they are at the age where peer acceptance is super important…and lets not pretend that adults do not
act this way as well!! but its hard to change human nature and at times pp feel need
to have nice things and look presentable ( im not talking about showing off….)
so they should be given some pocket money, small amounts on a steady basis, so they don’t feel the need to borrow but the sum isnt’ so big so that they learn how to budget the money correctly!
i think debit cards are the best way to go for girls and boys over the age of 18!!!! it teaches them to manage money yet you give them a certain amount per month!!!however, high school students don’t need more than 5 dollars a week, in my opinion.
yoyo, when i was in high school girls used to buy lunch every day from a lunchenette nearby, probably about 5 bucks a sandwich EVERY DAY…it was nerdy to eat school lunch and not e/o had time to prepare at home. In fact a girl in my class used to babysit every night, make some money and then spent it on sandwich or milkshake.
yoyo, ”high school students don’t need more than 5 dollars a week, in my opinion.”
yeah sure, that’ll get you a slice of pizza and a soda!
Yoyo: 5 dollars a week?? How’s that even possible?
but why should they buy lunch everyday??? are you forgetting we’re in somewhat of a recession?? and if they do buy lunch whats wrong with a roll which is around a 1 or yogurt and a muffin???? most teens i know buy this or actually bring lunch from home.
I am a firm believer in allowances. When our children were young, they were given a certain amount of money each week. They had to give their own ma’aser, they had to save a percentage and the rest, they could do what they wished. Some of our children hoarded every penny they got, and some spent it all. But they all learned that an allowance was never enough and they all learned to look for jobs to supplement their allowances, according to their time constraints.
When our kids were in seminary. We began with no allowance. They had to write down every penny they spent for the first month (after the Chagim) and we reviewed the amout spent, where & when and then we gave them a “firm” monthly allowance. Anything over and above said allowance needed our approval.
When they were in college their allowances were dependent on their schedules. If there was time to work, they had to work. If their workload was very heavy, they were not allowed to work and we paid for gas, books, clothes, etc. We tried to be very fluid, but they were always accountable for what they spent, if we gave them the funds.
As adults, our children are (for the most part) very responsible and careful with their money. They would never live over their income and only spend what they can.
However, try as you might, there are always individuals who simply will not live within a budget no matter what their age, and they always have monetary issues.
”whats wrong with a roll which is around a 1 or yogurt and a muffin????”
roll-.50-$1.00
yogurt-.79-$1.49
muffin-$1.50-$3.00(fat free)
thats just an estimate, but you said it theres a recession everything costs more!
Pookie: good luck to your kids!!
thanks
Actually I meant YOYO good luck to your kids!! (Sorry pookie. Not sure if u were saying u agree with yoyo but if u do then yeah, good luck to ur kids!)
Yoyo: u were serious about the $5 a week? U don’t think the child would spend it in 2 seconds? Be realistic
I imaagine that yoyo’s children receive meals, basic wardrobe, school supplies, and some extras here and there from yoyo.
Yoyo’s children probably learn the value of a dollar, are learning the difference between saving for a wanted item versus “spending in two seconds”, are are likely not spoiled to boot! The probably also have learned that it’s completely unnecessary to buy a slice of pizza and coke “every Monday and Thursday”, when other lunch options are available.
Yoyo, let us know when your children are of marriageable age! 🙂 They’re going to be a great catch!
why dont we ask yoyo himself!
pookie,
Ask him what? Shaatra and I were responding to this comment of yoyo:
“high school students don’t need more than 5 dollars a week, in my opinion.
and this one:
“but why should they buy lunch everyday??? are you forgetting we’re in somewhat of a recession?? and if they do buy lunch whats wrong with a roll which is around a 1 or yogurt and a muffin???? most teens i know buy this or actually bring lunch from home.”
Is there something else you’d like to ask yoyo?
If a boy is out of town doesn’t he have other expenses besides pizzas and cokes?
I’m sure. There are some non-luxury expenses such as laundry and toiletries. I’d imagine most parents pay for these, and the child doesn’t need an “allowance” in order to have these expenses paid.
Some families view weekly allowance as geared toward non-essentials (“pocket-money”), and others use the term to mean the money given for essentials that are not directly paid for by the parent.
I use the term for the former.
BEMUSED,
”I imaagine that yoyo’s children…”
”Yoyo’s children probably learn…”
the way you were talking (i amagine, probabaly) sounded like you were talking for him, so i said why don’t we ask yoyo himeself.
mybat,
”If a boy is out of town doesn’t he have other expenses besides pizzas and cokes?”
not really, those are really the only things you need to survive an out-of-town yeshiva!
well, yoyo’s here
first of all thank you Bemused- yes we all try to emphasis the value of the dollar in my family and imh when the time comes and they’re on the market- you’ll be the first to know!!!!!
and thank you pookie for waht you wrote
“the way you were talking (i amagine, probabaly) sounded like you were talking for him, so i said why don’t we ask yoyo himeself.” but i don’t think he really meant to say it like that
but shaatra i don’t understand- there are seriously many kids who function perfectly well with 5 or even less dollars a week??!!!!
and those who need more, wouldn’t you consider them somewhat spoiled??!!! In a way i feel bad for your kids if you give them what they want during these hard times.
pookie, I’m really confused now. I still don’t have any questions for yoyo. I wasn’t “speaking” to him, I was commenting on his remarks. If you have any questions, go right ahead and ask him; I’m fine.
Thanks for stopping by again, yoyo! 🙂 And yes, I look forward to when your children are on the market; quality marriage material! 🙂
lets just forget it
My father started my allowance at age six – it was a nickel, at a time when you could buy a daily newspaper or a candy bar for 2-3 cents. It went pretty quickly to a quarter, since a nickel didn’t go as far as everyone seems to remember it did. This taught me the value of inflation.
I always had an allowance, not a big one, until I was old enough to work. I liked having money, so I always worked. I always budgeted, I always saved, I always had some for tzedekah.
The current boy’s own father did not believe in allowances. This boy was not good with money from the start, and his father feared that giving him an allowance would lead him to just another failure in his life, since he would always be running out of money, and blaming himself.
I take the opposite view, that the running out of money will teach him to stretch it a bit, and it is better to learn this skill now, at 16, with smaller amounts of money, than to learn it as an adult, with larger amounts of money. The allowance of a child is a salary, but in a sandbox. If he misspends it, he may feel bad, he may learn, but he will not starve or rack up large debts.
Completely agree
Also, what does a child learn when he or she has to ask the parents for the money for every little purpose? To beg? to badger? to butter up mommy and daddy? to look sad and cute when supplicating for money?
I’m not sure to what extent any of those are life skills you want to teach.
Give the child his own money, and let him learn the easy way what the world will someday teach him the harder way.
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