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frum girl 101: If the guy can’t stand the brunette look, why would he even think of marrying one in the first place?
OI: Ohhh, gotcha- glad to hear it :). I’m more shutting up because either I’ve got nothing else to say, I’m not in the mood of saying it or I don’t have time to say it because I’m supposed to be packing for camp. I’m really not sure which right now. And chill about haranguing people- you’re fine. I thought I was the one who needed to be nervous about that…
jfem- i know. im suggesting that what you are essentially asking him to do is ignore an issue that he probably dealt with for years and traumatized him; namely, bullying. If OI associates taller, bigger people with bullying then you can assume that although he may be able to interact day-to-day with people, he would not want a person with whom he associates bullying as his spouse. there, i think ive said it well.
You’re making assumptions. He never said he was bullied.
Baruch Hashem, I was not bullied. I do have insecurities from being shorter than the rest of the guys though. That issue is neither here nor there. If for whatever reason I want to be taller than my wife, I have that right to say I’ll only go out with shorter girls. If Hashem wants me to marry a taller girl he’ll make it happen, but I don’t think a taller girl is the best thing for me, so I will insist on shorter girls.
OI- props.
What’s so terrible about having the upper hand in shidduchim? Someone has to, and I’d rather it be the man.
wha? Please explain to me why someone *has* to have the upper hand.
OneOfMany: That’s just the correct male/female dynamic (notice how I wrote that :)). Women don’t have the need to be dominant and in charge that most men have. So it’s to the benefit of both genders if they have the upper hand.
also, why are you speaking on behalf of all women.
OOM: In honor of Elul let’s agree to disagree.
Why not? I also speak on behalf of all females of every species, New Yorkers, Orthodox Jews and Discworld fans. 🙂
What do you mean, the “correct” male/female dynamic? So a couple that does it the other way is wrong?
T613613T: My point in asking why you spoke on behalf of all women was to tell you that you don’t. Agreeing to disagree is fine, but
you still don’t get to do that (without me disagreeing to agree to disagree, anyway).
jf02: What about *no* way? Why does there have to be a power dynamic?
OOM: I say I speak on behalf of them, and they didn’t protest. I agree to disagree. Whether you agree to agree to disagree is your issue. 🙂
Well, they are protesting right now. And they say you are a snortface.
OneOfMany: Any title you call me, is an honor.
One Of Many, I misspoke (mistyped?). There doesn’t have to be a power dynamic at all. My husband and I certainly don’t have one.
Don’t know if this has to do with power dynamics, but I had to end a relationship with someone I was set up with, since it came out that she was taking Effexor and going to a psychiatrist, which resulted in erratic and flaky behavior on her part. What is this world coming to?
Effexor is just a standard anti-depressant (similar to Cymbalta or Wellbutrin). Plenty of functioning, well-adjusted people take these drugs (and see psychiatrists) and are still productive members of society.
Of course, I can’t speak to your particular situation– I don’t know how long you were seeing this girl, how this information “came out”, or what exactly “erratic and flaky behavior” means (doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with power dynamics, but if this thread called it to mind, then maybe). It’s certainly possible that she did/does not have her depression under control. But there are many who do, and it’s unfair to judge all people based on the medications they take. Keep in mind that those who take medication are 1000 steps ahead of those who should, and don’t.
It made hodesh Av one with personal meaning and significance for me, I can say that. We seem to live in a granola world, in which sanity is fleeting.
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