Divorce, Regrets, & Children

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  • #595106
    canine
    Member

    Frequently people will hear divorcees express deep regret over having married their ex-spouse. This is often true even if they have children with their ex. This is something I find difficult to understand. Do they regret having their children? How else can they regret their former marriage?

    #742158
    doodle jump
    Participant

    I am sure that they are not talking about their children. They are talking about an extremely painful and difficult time in their lives. Probably a period of years and years.

    #742159
    cocacola
    Member

    i dont think this is appropriate.. people who have gone thru divorces have their own feelings of regret for diff reasons.. one cannot talk for others..

    #742160
    smartcookie
    Member

    Canine- you’re 71. You’re past understanding these things already.

    #742161
    Health
    Participant

    It’s simple. I don’t regret my kids, but I suffered for many years. If I would have known, how much suffering I’d have to endure- I’d not have gone there in the first place. Separate the spouse from the kids and it’s easier to grasp our feelings.

    #742162
    canine
    Member

    You can’t seperate the kids from the ex. Without the ex, you wouldn’t have those kids. If you regret the marriage, you c”v effectively regret the children that were produced by it.

    #742163
    Health
    Participant

    canine – Yes you can. Do you have kids? I highly doubt it.

    BTW, Separate, not seperate.

    If you learn Chumash, you will see that Yehudah would never had had a relationship with Tamar -had he known who she was, but yet his yichus came through her. That being Malchus Bais Dovid & Moshiach!

    #742164
    mdd
    Member

    Canine(myfriend), drey nit ken kup.

    #742165

    While there you also ate food (maybe, mostly canned food, since other food was unavailable).

    Do you regret going to Miami (under these conditions)? Absolutely, yes!

    Do you regret the food you ate whilst there? Absolutely, no!

    The children can be likened to food.

    On the other hand, a Midrash was quoted here recently about Yaakov not divorcing Leah, even though he good reason to, since hashem blessed him with children through her

    #742166
    cocacola
    Member

    no one should regret their marriage..even if it ended up in a divorce b/c everything that happens.. happens for a reason.. obviously Hashem wanted you to go thru that so you could grow/learn something that you would never have done any other way! i know someone personally that went thru a HORRIBLE marriage that ended up into a divorce and to this day they still dont regret it b/c obviously they had to go thru that nisayon and came out a diff person..

    #742167
    Health
    Participant

    cocacola – Even though you’re technically correct, but noone enjoys punishment. Equivalent to what you are saying is going to a cancer ward and telling the patients -Ya’know everything happens for a reason, so you shouldn’t have any misgivings that you got this illness and you shouldn’t regret getting it. I’d like to see the reaction. There is nothing wrong with regreting a bad marriage, but if you haven’t been there you have no clue. Did you ever learn the Torah concept of Nosay B’ol C’havero? Do you have any idea what that means? Are you the type of person that goes into a Shiva house were someone lost a kid and tell them -No biggy- it was Bashert?

    #742168

    Health: There is a difference between someone in the midst if going through a nisoyon, to someone who has already past it. With the former, we must sympathize with and not ch”v belittle the hardship they are in the midst of experiencing. The latter however, can only benefit from looking at their past experience in a positive light, and thereby motivate themselves to go on further in life and accomplish.

    #742169
    Health
    Participant

    LMA -You’re right. But in divorce with kids, do you think it’s ever “Over”?!?!

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