Home › Forums › Family Matters › Disciplining a child
- This topic has 56 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by 🍫Syag Lchochma.
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November 26, 2015 2:43 pm at 2:43 pm #616727JosephParticipant
What is the best methodology in disciplining a child?
November 26, 2015 2:51 pm at 2:51 pm #1113948🍫Syag LchochmaParticipantmethodology?
November 26, 2015 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm #1113949Little FroggieParticipantA chinuch that would last a lifetime
November 26, 2015 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #1113950☕️coffee addictParticipantSpeak softly and carry a big stick
November 26, 2015 4:31 pm at 4:31 pm #1113951JosephParticipantHow big does the stick need to be?
November 26, 2015 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #1113952Mashiach AgentMemberchanoch l’naar al pi darco”
each child needs his/her personal chinuch that is perfect for him/her
what works for one kid doesnt always work for another kid, even when in the same family.
November 26, 2015 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #1113953👑RebYidd23ParticipantReally listen to them. Not the scripted dialogue from the parenting books. Don’t pretend to be infallible. This will probably not work, but if it does, the child will believe himself to be destined to become infallible and will be bothered when he stays human.
November 26, 2015 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #1113954☕️coffee addictParticipantJoseph,
It depends how big the kid is
November 26, 2015 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm #1113955👑RebYidd23ParticipantWhat if you have kids of different sizes?
November 26, 2015 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #1113956JosephParticipantCA, at what age is the biggest stick required, and how big should it be for older kids?
November 26, 2015 9:00 pm at 9:00 pm #1113957🍫Syag LchochmaParticipantwho cares, as long as there is a lollipop at the end of it.
November 26, 2015 10:40 pm at 10:40 pm #1113958☕️coffee addictParticipantRebyidd,
Numerous sticks
Joe,
When the kid gets bar/bas mitzvahed (after that he/she isn’t your chiyuv of disciplining)
November 26, 2015 10:46 pm at 10:46 pm #1113959👑RebYidd23ParticipantThen how are you supposed to learn and set a good example?
November 26, 2015 11:18 pm at 11:18 pm #1113960JosephParticipantCA, what size stick with a 12 year old boy?
After your child is 13 years old (or 12 with girls) you shouldn’t discipline them anymore?
November 27, 2015 12:12 am at 12:12 am #1113961☕️coffee addictParticipantHuh?
November 27, 2015 2:16 am at 2:16 am #1113962☕️coffee addictParticipantThere’s no chiyuv of chinuch after the child is bar/bas mitzvah which is why you’re patur from their onshim
November 27, 2015 2:23 am at 2:23 am #1113963👑RebYidd23ParticipantHow can you turn a page when your hand is full of sticks?
November 27, 2015 2:32 am at 2:32 am #1113964JosephParticipantSo should a parent stop disciplining a boy once he reaches 13 years of age and a girl when she reaches 12?
Also, what kind of stick should be used when he’s 11 and 12?
November 27, 2015 2:37 am at 2:37 am #1113965👑RebYidd23ParticipantPeppermint candy stick.
November 27, 2015 2:39 am at 2:39 am #1113966🍫Syag LchochmaParticipantthat was my joke. that’s plagiarism!
November 27, 2015 6:42 am at 6:42 am #1113967☕️coffee addictParticipantRebyidd,
With the other hand
Joseph,
Note I didn’t say to use it I just said to carry it/them
Either way one stick should be good enough as long as it’s big enough for all your kids, this is probably the best option
November 27, 2015 8:24 am at 8:24 am #1113968JosephParticipantCA, but Tanach says to use it and Shulchan Aruch paskens l’halacha that it should be used.
November 27, 2015 12:12 pm at 12:12 pm #1113969☕️coffee addictParticipantJoe,
Isn’t carrying it to threaten the child using it?
November 27, 2015 1:23 pm at 1:23 pm #1113970squeakParticipantCA you must be one of Obama’s top advisors
November 27, 2015 2:42 pm at 2:42 pm #1113971JosephParticipantCA you must be one of Obama’s top advisors
LOL
CA: You didn’t address whether a parent should stop disciplining their children once he or she is 13 or 12, respectively.
November 27, 2015 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #1113972🍫Syag LchochmaParticipantjoseph – very often when i picture you i have an image of that Moshe friedman guy from satmar/nk. any relation?
November 27, 2015 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm #1113973JosephParticipantNo, I’m more of the Brisk variety.
November 27, 2015 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm #1113974zogt_besserParticipantRambam says it best:
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1. discipline in private.
2. speak b’nachas.
3. explain to them very clearly why they are wrong (don’t just say “because I said so.”)
November 28, 2015 11:25 pm at 11:25 pm #1113975☕️coffee addictParticipantSqueak,
Lol, actually obamas advisers do the opposite they talk tough and don’t even carry a stick
Joe,
See my comment above about onshim
November 29, 2015 12:20 am at 12:20 am #1113976JosephParticipantDoes anyone agree with coffee addict that boys 13 and older and girls 12 and older should not be disciplined anymore?
November 29, 2015 1:35 am at 1:35 am #1113977🍫Syag LchochmaParticipantgot it. didn’t realize that was to me….i’ll have to mull that one over and take off your up-hat.
November 29, 2015 4:18 am at 4:18 am #1113978👑RebYidd23ParticipantThere are no boys over 13 or girls over 12.
November 29, 2015 5:29 am at 5:29 am #1113979JosephParticipantRY: Syag is not a girl?
November 29, 2015 6:08 am at 6:08 am #1113980👑RebYidd23ParticipantIf she is over 12 she is not a girl anymore.
November 29, 2015 7:02 am at 7:02 am #1113981JosephParticipantSyag, if you’re over 12 there can be no taking off my up-hat.
November 29, 2015 10:10 am at 10:10 am #1113982☕️coffee addictParticipantJoe
Rebyidd is right you asked about children not son/daughter
November 29, 2015 12:50 pm at 12:50 pm #1113983JosephParticipantCA, so you’re saying that people should still discipline their own children over 13/12 but should discipline other people’s children only until age 13/12. Okay.
Until what age should one discipline their own children? And how should the discipline change after age 13/12?
November 29, 2015 2:27 pm at 2:27 pm #1113985🍫Syag LchochmaParticipantjoseph, that is downright creepy…
November 29, 2015 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm #1113986☕️coffee addictParticipantNo Joe,
I’m saying after 13/12 they aren’t called children so it has to stop at 12/13
November 29, 2015 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #1113987JosephParticipantSyag, that was my initial reaction too. But then I was thinking that perhaps it’s a cultural thing. Maybe CA is Bucharian?
November 29, 2015 3:03 pm at 3:03 pm #1113988☕️coffee addictParticipantJoe,
Nope
November 29, 2015 5:58 pm at 5:58 pm #1113990zogt_besserParticipantdiscipline will change post-12/13, but the concept is the same. for example, if your 15 year old son stays out too late, you should certainly have a conversation with him about your rules, safety, the negative influence of peers, bitul zman, etc. if he doesn’t listen to you, then can take away a privilege like using your car or something.
November 29, 2015 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm #1113991JosephParticipantAnd if your 15 year old doesn’t drive what other loss of privileges can effect significant change in behavior?
November 29, 2015 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #1113992MParticipantGo to a frum parenting class, since if those people are giving talks about parenting, it must be that they know the answers to these questions. I’m sure that the children of all people giving parenting classes have come out super.
More seriously, if I hear about a person giving a parenting class I wonder, oh, and how did that work out for you? If their own children do not testify to the effectiveness of their parent’s child-rearing methods, then it would be silly to waste our time listening to them.
November 29, 2015 8:43 pm at 8:43 pm #1113993JosephParticipantM, so you beat your own path and disregard others advice?
November 29, 2015 9:05 pm at 9:05 pm #1113994MParticipantJoseph: “M, so you beat your own path and disregard others advice?”
Excellent point — no, but I am wary of advice from people that cannot produce any track record of success. Would you listen to a stock analyst that is not a successful trader? I would hope not. Would you listen to marriage advice from a person that is not happily married? I would hope not. Why would you listen to parenting advice from a person that has no evidence to show that they are a good parent?
And I don’t think for a second that I’m the best parent in the world. I’m probably not the best in the world, and probably not the worst either. I’m ok being somewhere in the middle. I have never seen any claim, let alone evidence, to show that people that are “good parents” end up raising “good kids”. I’m sure you have many friends that came from “amazing parents” that didn’t turn out too well, and kids that grew up in very rough family situations that came out great.
November 29, 2015 9:15 pm at 9:15 pm #1113995zogt_besserParticipantJoseph- the privileges depend on the family and circumstance, obviously, but the logic remains the same.
November 29, 2015 10:31 pm at 10:31 pm #1113996☕️coffee addictParticipantSupporting tour son post bar/bas mitzvah is considered chesed and not a chiyuv (you can tell I don’t have teenagers yet)
November 29, 2015 10:44 pm at 10:44 pm #1113997JosephParticipantCA, how is it relevant that your children are still pre-teens? Does the Halacha change once your children are teens?
November 30, 2015 12:30 am at 12:30 am #1113998☕️coffee addictParticipantWhich Halacha?
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