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Shalom Aleichem
I’m a baal tshuva with a diastrous family history. My mother is insane and sitting in jail for committing an atrocious felony.
How should I go about shidduchim?
Do I tell the shadhanit? If not what precisely do I tell her?
When should I tell the girl?
Why isn’t my mother at the wedding?
Should I completely cut off contact with my mother? She might get out of jail in 10-15 years.
Would you let your daughter marry me?
Thanks for your hiddushim.
Speak to a rabbi who knows you personally. I highly doubt anyone on the CR has the ability to answer these questions for your precise situation.
This is a topic, that I think should be kept private but since you brought up the topic to the Coffee Room. If you have a Rav, you are close to, then they are the one to express your concerns. It is a sticky situation, but I am sure the Rabbis have heard tons of other situations that could make your seem mild by comparison.
Also, remember, That Hashem gave you the life your in. We do not get to pick our canvas of life out. Trust me, if we had a choice how our lives should go, then we would all be happily married till our old age, healthy children and living comfortably and everything would be just rosy. Remember, that Hashem is in charge and Hashem is the one that you should turn to. Broken hearted and all. Also, find someone who is having a hard time getting married, and pray for them, and I mean constantly. When Hashem sees you are praying for someone else, Hashem will answer you!! Remember Hashem is the one who put you in situation for whatever reason. We won’t know till after 120 to be sure.
There is hope. In the new book A Handful of Stars, there is a story of a girl with various health issues, and somehow got married, even with all the naysayers saying it was not a responsible thing to do.
I am just trying to encourage you and B’H, may you find the person Hashem intended for you and may you do so with Clarity and much Hatzlachah. Remember to have Bitachon. Buy that kallah present now, because you truly trust that Hashem will help find your kallah.
Cut off all family contact. Move to a new city. Don’t let any anchor weigh your ship down. Honesty!! Make it very clear on your first date that you have an unfavourable family background, but you want to be the best you can be, to grow in yiddishkeit and Torah. That you want to raise a good family of proper values. SHOW the woman you are different, don’t just talk about a bad situation. And may Hashem open your mazal for the good and have pity on you that you should meet a good lady understanding of your situatio.
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